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General discussion (archive)Stupid question, Looking for honest answers.(112 posts)(112 posts)
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This is my favourite topic
Posted December 16, 2012
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Nroug7: I think I just got turned down, oh well xD
Cheer up! Plenty more fish in the sea;-)
Posted December 16, 2012
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Nroug7: It was a rather cloudy answer. but it involved a "Dodge" Excuse, an ridiculously unlikely reason as to why not lol. could be true, but something tells me it's not.
People will likely tell you to give up outright (with good reason) and actively pursuing the issue can only make things worse... but - do give her time to think. She might've been simply startled by the suddenness and directness of your request. Unless it makes you or her uncomfortable - just keep in touch and see what happens (keeping your eyes and your options open).
Posted December 16, 2012
I'd say a girl who plays footsie with guys she doesn't want to date is probably not prime girlfriend material anyway, so you're better off moving on and looking for greener pastures. Unless, of course, that very unlikely excuse she gave you was actually true.
Posted December 16, 2012
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Nroug7: It was a rather cloudy answer. but it involved a "Dodge" Excuse, an ridiculously unlikely reason as to why not lol. could be true, but something tells me it's not.
I know how you feel bro, i got turned down like this quite a few times.

Cheer up, it happens, and at least you tried. Believe me, there's nothing worse than feeling regret for not trying. You did what you should have done.
Posted December 17, 2012
Haha, Well, thanks for the support guys.
Posted December 17, 2012
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Neobr10: Cheer up, it happens, and at least you tried. Believe me, there's nothing worse than feeling regret for not trying.
Very true, but sometimes the circumstances can make things a bit complicated, i.e. becoming highly interested in someone else when you're already living in a relationship which is reasonable and important to maintain for the moment regardless of how you feel. How I love dilemmas.
Posted December 17, 2012
Frankly, dude, even after you get turned down, I'd just keep on chugging and doing you. Don't let yourself get friendzoned in the mean time, but suddenly become a little harder to hang out with.

Making yourself unavailable may give her time to wonder what's up and maybe it'll let you get your foot in the door. If she doesn't notice your lack of availibility, then you have a definitive answer and you can keep on keeping on.

I wouldn't worry or read too much into things. When you're young it's easy to take things like this too seriously.

I've worked in a rather socially active job for almost ten years and have a LOT of female friends as a direct result, so my best recommendation is to simply be you. Even if the girl you wanted doesn't appreciate you, there's ALWAYS one who will. More importantly, half the time guys and girls both spend time making up these more complex personas for people they like, then once they get into a relationship, some of the most common complaints are: "They're not who I thought they were." So rather than play those games, or attempt to be someone you THINK someone will like, be the person who YOU like.

Other than that, keep your head up, bro!
Posted December 23, 2012
Well, I stopped showing as much interest for a week.
And bam, She's showing a ton more interest now.
Post edited December 23, 2012 by Nroug7
Posted December 23, 2012
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Nroug7: Well, I stopped showing as much interest for a week.
And bam, She's showing a ton more interest now.
Stay cool, bro. Maintain. Don't cave & start fawning over her the moment she starts showing you attention cuz she'll lose interest if you do. Don't see her more than once a week at first. Don't pick up the phone every time that she calls.

/jackass mode off

Later, if you grow to love & respect each other, you can start treating her like a person.

/jackass mode really off this time

Good luck! ;-)
Post edited December 23, 2012 by ddmuse
Posted December 23, 2012
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ddmuse: snip
The phone is overdoing it a little. It crosses the line of 'Yeah, I'm cool with things, but I actually have a life that doesn't involve you' and runs dangerously close to 'rude and possibly unreliable'. But every now and then it's fine to let the phone ring a few times more than necessary before picking up. ;)
Posted December 25, 2012
Well, I'm getting a little irritated at this point, I show no interest, she starts showing tons, I show the smallest amount of interest, she starts showing none, I stop again and she starts again.

Why must they play these kind of games >.<
Posted December 25, 2012
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Nroug7: Well, I'm getting a little irritated at this point, I show no interest, she starts showing tons, I show the smallest amount of interest, she starts showing none, I stop again and she starts again.

Why must they play these kind of games >.<
I know I'm quite late in the band wagon, but a friend was suffering the same problem recently. And I have suffered it in the past too.

In my friend's case, she simply found another girl by accident and they began to get along quite well and began a relationship. The girl she was interested first was less than pleased, of course.

My case was, frankly, very, very similar.

I'm not saying this will be your final solution, but I think you should keep an open mind about other possibilities.
Posted December 25, 2012
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Nroug7: Well, I'm getting a little irritated at this point, I show no interest, she starts showing tons, I show the smallest amount of interest, she starts showing none, I stop again and she starts again.

Why must they play these kind of games >.<
Oh dear. One of those cases, eh? Give 'these kind of games' 3 weeks to see if she gets over herself. If see doesn't...

Pick an action:
A) Find another girl. You deserve better.
B) Tell her more or less the following in a teasing tone: "Not that I don't appreciate this game of ours or anything, but at this rate we'll never actually get anywhere. I really like you, but maybe I should be looking at other options/women instead?" and wait for another week max. If she gets over her egoism, you're set. If she doesn't, go to action A.
C) Make sure she finds out through a mutual friend that you discussed action B with someone and wait for another week max. During that week, possibly ask her out on a date again. If she gets over her egoism, you're set. If she doesn't, go to action A.

To be clear, 3 weeks since the day you first asked her out.
Post edited December 25, 2012 by ashwald
Posted December 25, 2012
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Thunderstone: As a girl and one of the rare female gamers, I can tell you to just be yourself. There is no need to be awkward, we don't bite. Every girl is different, and relationships are about give and take.

Although, be sure to have a respect for her personal space, there was one guy I dated who did not seem to have an understanding of personal space. I think he just wanted sex instead of a relationship he kept hinting he'd like to move onto it someday. We were together for only 2 weeks, b/c he wanted to progress the relationship faster than I felt comfortable with.

When you start dating her be sure to start things off slowly, so this way you can both get a sense of how far you want to take the relationship. Allow her to get a chance to really know you and allow for the romantic bond to develop. It sounds like you have the friendship part down, that is a good start but allow her to get used to the new relationship. This is also something that would be good for you as well.

One thing about girls, is that sometimes we tend to be a bit too afraid of hurting people's feelings. It is not that we are leading you on, but sometimes girls can be afraid to say no in fear of hurting someone's feelings. If she starts hinting that she is busy, consider this a red flag sign. Although, it could be the case that she really is busy, but if it happens frequently then that is most likely a no.

With that said, onto the lighter stuff. Since you are both gamers (I'm assuming you are too) maybe take her out to a video game or a comic book convention. Do something you both like to do, maybe take her to a pokemon tournament if they have any around. Go see a movie, just find something you can both bond over. You don't even have to spend money, just going out for a walk at the park is a pleasant thing to do. Maybe a romantic moonlight walk ;)

Females are human too, and like most people most of us just want to be treated as people too. Just remember to have fun, after all it sounds like you guys have a good foundation to build your relationship :)

I agree with Densetsu, do it in person. Although, keep the pokemon mail thing in mind for a Christmas card. Gook luck Romeo
In everyday life the bolded bit is very easy for me to accept, but in the romantic arena it is an entirely different matter, even the thought of approaching women intimidates me (even just meeting them in the first place is a problem...), never mind actually getting to the point of asking them out.

The fact that I live in a country of approximately 48000 people doesn't help matter as far as social consequences and the potential of meeting people again/things getting akward goes.

Sigh.
Posted December 25, 2012
Bit late here, but every girl is different. So you either like or get used to her ummmm 'nuances' or 'quirkiness', or move on. Sounds like she has a flirty playful kinda nature. Anyway go with the flow, ask her directly.If its a no and she still does her quirky little things then move on.Unless your willing to play her games hahahah
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This is my favourite topic
Community
General discussion (archive)Stupid question, Looking for honest answers.(112 posts)(112 posts)
(112 posts)