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General discussion (archive)Sometimes being nice doesnt pay off(186 posts)(186 posts)
(186 posts)
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This is my favourite topic
Posted February 08, 2013
I have from time to time had my doubts about religion until 3 months ago I decided that I was an atheist. Here's the problem-my parents on all 4 families (well 3), are all big time christians. I decided that when I made this decision that I was still going to be respectful and acknowledge that to my family members so I dont hurt their feelings.

What sucks is that my stepfather and I are the only ones who see eye to eye with that stuff so its tough not having many people to talk about my worries/thoughts to. My best friend is like me and sees what I see, but I dont get to see him that much because I live one state away.

I know that believing in this isnt as bad as it used to be, but its still considered a shunned view. I know some people would flat out tell their sister/mother that everything they believe in sucks, but I am not an asshole and I will not do that.

I dont know, sometimes being nice can be a real pain.
Posted February 08, 2013
Look at it this way, at least you don't have to pretend to be interested in something you don't believe in. If you hadn't told them you'd then have to dress up those worries and thoughts in ways that conformed to their beliefs and get answers that likely wouldn't have applied to you anyway.
Posted February 08, 2013
I didn't quite get what you're trying to say. As in, what's the problem, how has being nice failed to pay off, what and huh?

I guess there's some context I'm not getting or something.
Posted February 08, 2013
So they expect you to go to church every Sunday and pray before a meal when eating together? Just humor them and go along with it, it pays off in the end since there is less friction, and give them vague answers when they press the issue of belief. Quote some random bible verse or something.

And if you're not living with them... then I don't really see what the problem is.
Posted February 08, 2013
Being nice (or at least respectful) and being honest do not necessarily exclude each other, imho.
Posted February 08, 2013
They're not still dragging you to church, are they? Do they still make you pray at meals? Did they disown you? Are they being passive aggressive? If not then there's nothing to worry about. Either way, your stepfather agreeing with you is a huge plus. It could always be worse.
Posted February 08, 2013
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Psyringe: Being nice (or at least respectful) and being honest do not necessarily exclude each other, imho.
This is something, I fear, that too many people forget.

Let them have their beliefs, and you can have yours. I don't see the problem unless they are forcing theirs on you, and even if they are, I don't think doing so in return would be particularly productive.
Posted February 08, 2013
Haha, my fiancee's mother probably still believes we are going to bapthize our future children. I hope I will remember the look on her face when she realizes we're not going to :D
Posted February 08, 2013
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deathknight1728: ...sometimes being nice can be a real pain.
I have the feeling that in most cases it doesn't really pay off but that may be valid for other things.

Here are many atheists. Being one however I don't mind going to church and do it sometimes, I like organ playing and weddings in churches are just so much more romantic. Also charity is a good part of religion. Being generous to others. I like that. Sometimes I have the feeling you find that less among atheists. So I would say that it's even wrong to say that everything one believes sucks.

In many ways it's just about what makes you happy, the personal meaning of life ... and well there isn't any final answer in sight. One is as good as the other.

So I think your way is the right way. My congratulation and have fun! :)
Post edited February 08, 2013 by Trilarion
Posted February 08, 2013
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keeveek: Haha, my fiancee's mother probably still believes we are going to bapthize our future children. I hope I will remember the look on her face when she realizes we're not going to :D
Don't underestimate the craftiness of the mother in law. She may very well have a ninja priest sanctify your children's bath water. The only hint you'll ever get is that short, content smile of victory at the family gathering.
Posted February 08, 2013
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deathknight1728:
My mate had that exact same problem - made worse by the family going hypocritical with their beliefs in regards to his siblings but not him.
He now has little or no contact with his family - not because they shunned him due to his differing beliefs, but because he wanted nothing more to do with a bunch of people who could not hold up to their own beliefs yet expected some messianic behaviour from him.
Posted February 08, 2013
My brother and I are atheist too like you. Our father, sister, Grandmother from our Mother side does not care that we are.

Only one who seems to be bothered is our Mother, but she rarely does anything about so its not dominating her life.
Post edited February 08, 2013 by Elmofongo
Posted February 08, 2013
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keeveek: Haha, my fiancee's mother probably still believes we are going to bapthize our future children. I hope I will remember the look on her face when she realizes we're not going to :D
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Adzeth: Don't underestimate the craftiness of the mother in law. She may very well have a ninja priest sanctify your children's bath water. The only hint you'll ever get is that short, content smile of victory at the family gathering.
At worst, even if such a crafty mother in law does succeed at this kind of sneaky plan, the potential child in question gets a mildly damp forehead. Not too much to worry about in my opinion.
Posted February 08, 2013
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deathknight1728: ...sometimes being nice can be a real pain.
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Trilarion: snip
The thing I dislike about many religious people, is that they dont -really- understand their own religion. Meaning, that they either really believe or atleast accept on some level something that "someone else" just says and the religion becomes simply routine and like you said yourself - "social service":

Now if social service and being together is the main point of your faith, you could just as well go to watch ice hockey with a big fan group or go sing in a choir and it wouldnt really make difference.

I dont condemn faith or any religion as such, but I do highly question people who devote their life on something they dont really understand. Suppose i give thumbs up for people who can resolve religious opinions by their own brains, instead of just taking someone elses word and repeating it like some tape recorder.

Many religions do have a lot of good principles and ideas in them, but I wonder why its so damn difficult for them to keep from attacking "non-believers"? If God(s) love all and has plan for everyone - then who stress about your friend or even family member from "leaving the faith"? I mean, if you really are in to the religion then id say its not YOUR business to start turning him one way or another - but just have faith on him and God(s) plan right?

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Post edited February 08, 2013 by iippo
Posted February 08, 2013
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deathknight1728: I know some people would flat out tell their sister/mother that everything they believe in sucks, but I am not an asshole and I will not do that.

I dont know, sometimes being nice can be a real pain.
Like some others here, I don't get this part. Would behaving like an asshole somehow make things better for you?

Is the problem that you're still insecure in your new belief and so need support from others to keep it, and being an asshole would have allowed you to break free from people who may be able to argue against your new belief and might have a chance to convince you you're wrong?
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This is my favourite topic
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General discussion (archive)Sometimes being nice doesnt pay off(186 posts)(186 posts)
(186 posts)