Posted May 26, 2012
On this most holy of days, we will read from the Holy Scripture:
“And as the disciples were in the final days of feasting on cocktail snacks and consummation of holy water, Bob appeared in front of them and said - “Lo, I appear in front of you”, which brought on much cheering and consumption of holy water. And St. Francis the Frank faced the Lord and said unto him “Hi mate, what’s like this whole mediation malarkey about, really?” and our Lord Bob retorted with these words “Listen mate, I have already said this before and I really do not like repeating myself. I am the key, the gate and the road, and he who comes first is the winner” by which St. Francis the Frank responded “Yeah, yeah, we have all heard it before, get on with it mate”, and there was much cheering and consummation of holy water.
And our Lord Bob spoke to them “OK, you chavs. I will give you a new mantra, this time a really neat one, not any made up bullsh*te like last time – look, it has many ooo’s and mmm’s in it, right? It is almost like it can come straight from some ancient Asian mystic something or another, right? It’s legit, see? So listen up and I will tell you what to do”, which brought on much cheering and consummation of holy water.”
And so the lord told his disciples the secrets of his third holy mantra, and it is thus told to us:
“The lord spoke to his disciples and said “You cannot find enlightenment with open eyes, you must close them and open up all your other sense to feel the truth behind them as you contemplate the holy mantra. So start by closing your eyes and say aloud the mantra, contemplating the emptiness of the M’s and the fullness of the O’s.”, which brought on much moo’ing, cheering and consummation of holy water.
Our Lord Bob continued - “but just as truth, reality and enlightenment is like an onion, (but not like a cake as this is an abomination it the eyes of me,) the mantra has more the one layer. As you discover one truth, there is another lurking behind it. As you peel back the layers of the mantra, you will peel back the layers of your soul to expose the truth of yourself, but you lot is so shallow I guess you have no more than two layers”, which brought on much cheering and consummation of holy water.
Then St. Reggy the Thick spoke to the lord ”I don’t get it, I can kind of see what you meant about the first layer thingy, but this truth thingy behind it all, it like, it is just to random…” and the lord slapped him over the top of his head, which brought on much cheering and consummation of holy water, and said unto him “listen mate, all you need to meditate on is me, right, I am ,like, the key, like sort of automatically, yeah? Speaking of autos and keys, I’m only going to say this once, so listen closely, speaking of autos – you should always go for the French one, not the Italian, as this is an abomination in the eyes of me”, which brought on much cheering and consummation of holy water.
And as our Lord Bob told them to close their eyes and to contemplate the mantra, he left them - taking with him most of their holy water, prayer dust and female followers of an easy nature. Discovering this the disciples did not cheer, but there was much consummation of the holy water which was left behind” - So sayeth our Lord Bob.
We will now mediate on Bob’s third holy mantra, which he gave to his disciples on that day:
"OOMMMM’OOMMMM’OOMMMM’MOOOOM’OMMMOO’ "
"MOOOMM’OOMMOO’OMMOOO’MOOOMO’OMMMOM’ "
"OOMMOO’OMOMMM’OOOOOM’OOMMOM’MOOOOM’ "
"MOOMOM’OMOMMM’OMMMOM’OMMMOO’OOOMMM’ "
"MOOMMM’OMMMMM’OOOMMM’OOMMOO’OMOMMM’ "
"MOOOMO’MOOOOM’OOMMOM’OMOMOM’MOOMOM’ "
"OMMOOO’MOOMMM’OMMMOM’OMMMOO’MOOMMM’ "
"OOOOMM’OOOOMM’MOOOMO’OMOMMM’MOOOOM’ "
"OMMOOM’OMMOOO’OMMMOM’OMOOOM’OMMOMM’ "
"OMMMOM’OMOOOM’OMOMOM’OMMMOM’OOOMOM’ "
"OOOMMM’OOOOOM’MOOOOM’MOOMMM’OMMMOO’ "
"OOMMOO’OOMOMM’OMOMMM’OMMMMM’OOOMOM’ "
"OMOMOM’MOOOOM’OOMMOM’OMMMOM’OMMOMM’ "
"OMMOMM’OOMOOO’MOOOMO’MOOMMM’OMOMOM’ "
"OOMMMM’MOOOMO’OMMOOO’OMMMOO’OMMOOM’ "
"OMOOMM’OOOMOM’MOOMMM’OOOOMM’"
Let there be cheering and consummation of holy water.
“And as the disciples were in the final days of feasting on cocktail snacks and consummation of holy water, Bob appeared in front of them and said - “Lo, I appear in front of you”, which brought on much cheering and consumption of holy water. And St. Francis the Frank faced the Lord and said unto him “Hi mate, what’s like this whole mediation malarkey about, really?” and our Lord Bob retorted with these words “Listen mate, I have already said this before and I really do not like repeating myself. I am the key, the gate and the road, and he who comes first is the winner” by which St. Francis the Frank responded “Yeah, yeah, we have all heard it before, get on with it mate”, and there was much cheering and consummation of holy water.
And our Lord Bob spoke to them “OK, you chavs. I will give you a new mantra, this time a really neat one, not any made up bullsh*te like last time – look, it has many ooo’s and mmm’s in it, right? It is almost like it can come straight from some ancient Asian mystic something or another, right? It’s legit, see? So listen up and I will tell you what to do”, which brought on much cheering and consummation of holy water.”
And so the lord told his disciples the secrets of his third holy mantra, and it is thus told to us:
“The lord spoke to his disciples and said “You cannot find enlightenment with open eyes, you must close them and open up all your other sense to feel the truth behind them as you contemplate the holy mantra. So start by closing your eyes and say aloud the mantra, contemplating the emptiness of the M’s and the fullness of the O’s.”, which brought on much moo’ing, cheering and consummation of holy water.
Our Lord Bob continued - “but just as truth, reality and enlightenment is like an onion, (but not like a cake as this is an abomination it the eyes of me,) the mantra has more the one layer. As you discover one truth, there is another lurking behind it. As you peel back the layers of the mantra, you will peel back the layers of your soul to expose the truth of yourself, but you lot is so shallow I guess you have no more than two layers”, which brought on much cheering and consummation of holy water.
Then St. Reggy the Thick spoke to the lord ”I don’t get it, I can kind of see what you meant about the first layer thingy, but this truth thingy behind it all, it like, it is just to random…” and the lord slapped him over the top of his head, which brought on much cheering and consummation of holy water, and said unto him “listen mate, all you need to meditate on is me, right, I am ,like, the key, like sort of automatically, yeah? Speaking of autos and keys, I’m only going to say this once, so listen closely, speaking of autos – you should always go for the French one, not the Italian, as this is an abomination in the eyes of me”, which brought on much cheering and consummation of holy water.
And as our Lord Bob told them to close their eyes and to contemplate the mantra, he left them - taking with him most of their holy water, prayer dust and female followers of an easy nature. Discovering this the disciples did not cheer, but there was much consummation of the holy water which was left behind” - So sayeth our Lord Bob.
We will now mediate on Bob’s third holy mantra, which he gave to his disciples on that day:
"OOMMMM’OOMMMM’OOMMMM’MOOOOM’OMMMOO’ "
"MOOOMM’OOMMOO’OMMOOO’MOOOMO’OMMMOM’ "
"OOMMOO’OMOMMM’OOOOOM’OOMMOM’MOOOOM’ "
"MOOMOM’OMOMMM’OMMMOM’OMMMOO’OOOMMM’ "
"MOOMMM’OMMMMM’OOOMMM’OOMMOO’OMOMMM’ "
"MOOOMO’MOOOOM’OOMMOM’OMOMOM’MOOMOM’ "
"OMMOOO’MOOMMM’OMMMOM’OMMMOO’MOOMMM’ "
"OOOOMM’OOOOMM’MOOOMO’OMOMMM’MOOOOM’ "
"OMMOOM’OMMOOO’OMMMOM’OMOOOM’OMMOMM’ "
"OMMMOM’OMOOOM’OMOMOM’OMMMOM’OOOMOM’ "
"OOOMMM’OOOOOM’MOOOOM’MOOMMM’OMMMOO’ "
"OOMMOO’OOMOMM’OMOMMM’OMMMMM’OOOMOM’ "
"OMOMOM’MOOOOM’OOMMOM’OMMMOM’OMMOMM’ "
"OMMOMM’OOMOOO’MOOOMO’MOOMMM’OMOMOM’ "
"OOMMMM’MOOOMO’OMMOOO’OMMMOO’OMMOOM’ "
"OMOOMM’OOOMOM’MOOMMM’OOOOMM’"
Let there be cheering and consummation of holy water.
Post edited May 27, 2012 by amok
