Hey guys,

As you know, I like to crowd-source my problems, to help me find a plausible solution, and I have one that has been plaguing me for the past few years.

I work for a small company, at least small in number of employees. There are 3 main office workers, 1 receptionist (who also is the one to print our Payroll Checks and does other accounting things), 1 Shipping/Receiving manager, 1 Shop Foreman, and a few shop workers, who never seem to last that long here. The Owners are husband/wife, and they do work in the main office, but spend most of the year working from out of state.

The three main office workers are myself (IT/Programmer), our Project Manager (He is officially my boss), and my Dad, who is the Engineer for the company.

Now, here is the problem: Because we are so small, everyone in the company picks up after everyone else to make sure everything gets done on time. But our receptionist keeps thinking she knows better than me, because she is a middle aged woman and I am only a 22 year old guy. In her mind, I am just a kid who needs help blowing his nose every step of the way. In many cases, she will take over, and go behind my back to do the job her way. And if I actually needed help, that would be just fine, but I don't, and 90% of the time, I am working on something that has nothing to do with her, yet she tries to take over anyway.

I'll give you an example: Today, I finally received the new Video Card I had been waiting for, as part of an RMA process. In the past (I have done this several times), EVGA sends everything that is needed to ship the old part back. You use the box they sent the replacement in for the old part, and they usually ship all labels needed with it. This time they didn't send a new UPS label, so I packaged everything up, and told her I needed a UPS label affixed on top of the old one, and the EVGA label placed on another side of the box. Simple, right? WRONG.

Apparently, both myself and EVGA are wrong, and the EVGA label is supposed to go inside the box, even though it says right on the label to affix it to the outside of the box (And it states that if labeled improperly they reserve the right to reject the package upon delivery). I tried to tell her this fact, and she looks away, says I am wrong and starts to ignore me.

So, I go to my boss with the dispute, as I have been instructed, and he tells me he will not get involved, and that her and I have to work it out ourselves, even though she is ignoring me.

I may be young, but I am not stupid, and I am pretty sure that if EVGA needed the label to be inside the box, they would tell us.

So, my question to all of you is: How do I keep dealing with this. I mean, if this was an isolated incident, that would be one thing, but this happens on a near daily basis. I am going out of my mind.

That's terrible. There isn't a whole lot you can do besides try and talk it out with her. That is the problem with working with someone of different age groups, as older people feel goofy working with younger people, and sometimes do crap like this.

All you can really do is say: Hey, I appreciate you trying to help me, but please stop trying to do my job for me, it's getting really annoying.

I have a strange feeling that there is no leveling with this woman though.

as darko already said either you 2 get to sit down and talk it out or if she still ignores you and doesnt want to or cant relate to you and your point well you 2 gotta ignore each other meaning also dont ask for any labels from her

That is probably the understatement of the Millennium.

I have tried, as has my Dad, to reason with her. Like I said, she has been doing this, almost daily, for over 2 years.

There seems to be nothing at all I can do right. Granted, she has her place, and there are some things that I would gladly let her correct me on. We fill out our own timesheets, and since she does Payroll, if I mess up, she should correct it, but I am the IT guy, I have done this before, and I even have printed instructions from the manufacturer, and yet, she still complains and calls me wrong.

Grr...

(Also, while I am genuinely interested in people's comments, I am also venting a bit, so if I come of as pissed, it's not at you. :) ) I wish it was that simple. We can't simply ignore each other. I've tried that in the past and got in trouble for it. (Yep, you read that right, *I* got in trouble for her attitude.)

well then turn it against her :P

get on her nerves till shes ignoring you with whatever you say and if things go south she didnt work with you while you tried to get her attention :P

get one then?

Tell her to call EVGA and confirm with them that you're wrong. If she refuses then tell her that you're right. That should shut her the hell up.

If I had the money to, I would. But I am so broke I can't even pay my cell phone bill right now. I need this job, and that is the only reason I am still even here. That is exactly what I should have done... I will remember that one.

"If I do my job wrong, that's my responsibility to fix, not yours, and it's up to my boss to judge whether or not it actually is wrong. Now please leave me be and let me do my job."

That's very likely the exact words I'd tell her in that situation.

EDIT: Though I don't know if those are good words or would just make the situation worse.

You don't need to win any battles with her, nor prove to her that you're right- if your parcel gets delivered, safe and sound, then that's all that matters.

Tell her that she could be right about this (even if you don't think so), but since the label says that it should be on the box and not in it, then she should call the people in question to confirm; make it clear to her that the safe delivery of the package is her responsibility now, implying that if things go wrong, it's on her (you don't need to say this to her face). Or you can say it to her face if you think you can manage doing it without coming off as combative.

Send her a nice, polite, professional email documenting these things, i.e. that she's not listening to your advice about how to send the package, that she needs to confirm how to send it since the label says one thing and she another, and implore her to not send the package without confirming the right way to do it because you don't want it getting lost or returned. CC the email to your boss as well since he already knows about the situation.

If things go wrong, then you have laid the groundwork for showing who was responsible for the mistake.

From this point on, I suggest forgetting about everything she may have done to you, and just be nice to her- your office environment sounds really close and personal, so just try to get along with her, and make sure your other co-workers like you, so they can come to your support if needed.

There are plenty of things to relate to people which don't depend on age, like sports, TV, books or family stuff. If anything, if everyone around you is older, just talk to them like, "hey, I respect your experience, any guidance and advice for me?".

edit: this is what I think is the best thing to do, but maybe someone else can guide you better.

I'd agree with the commander here. There's no need for you to think of this as a battle you need to win. However, at the same time no one appreciates being condescended, but there is also very little you can do to keep someone who is older than you from feeling superior due to their age. I would admire you if you actually followed through with keeping things from getting hostile and defensive, as I would probably struggle with avoiding conflict in such a case. Just try to keep your head.

Dye your hair white. Problem solved.

I agree to everything that has been said in this thread, and I am prone to do all of them, depending on my mood, but the issue is larger than a package being delivered improperly. As I stated in my OP, that was just an example. This woman is overstepping her job every step of the way.

I am the only IT person in the company, and it is on record from the owner of the company that anything that happens, whether or not an employee knows how to fix it, should be reported to me, so I can keep a log of it.

She consistently disregards this and ends up causing more problems than they are worth. She also opens other peoples mail, under the pretense that if it was delivered to the company, whatever name is on it is irrelevant, and even goes so far as to throw away parts of the mail she opens before even giving it to the person it was addressed to. This little problem has already caused her to go "dumpster diving" but she still doesn't get it.

When I talk to her about the issues at hand, I don't have time to get defensive, she gets huffy, and irritable, and ignores me. I have tried to talk to her about these things probably 50 times in the past few years, at least once every few weeks, and every time it's the same thing. I keep doing it so that when it really does "hit the fan" I can truthfully say that I have done all I can to dissolve the issues, and work around her.

My real issue is even beyond her, and the stuff she pulls (and gets away with). It is also that I can't even talk to my boss about it. He tells me, and I am quoting now: "I am not getting involved. You two need to work it out yourselves."

But when that fails... then what? I can't talk to my boss, and I can't work it out with her... so... I just go back to my office, pretend everything is all fine, and I move onto something, knowing that my job is being hindered by someone who should never have been involved in the first place.

All these questions I have... probably could be ignored, but I don't plan on stagnating in this world. I don't want to be the guy that always cowers in the corner or cries to mommy because the big kids are picking on me. I want to be the guy that stands up for himself, and gets ahead because of it, you know?

Not sure how effective it would be, but keep notes. Dates, situation, conflict, and results. When you have a good pile of incidents in which she fucked everything up, take it to the boss and/or the owners. This latest incident is a perfect opportunity. Do it her way, and when the package gets rejected, you'll have notes to indicate you tried to tell her to do it properly, were overridden, and that she screwed it up.

Conversely, with regards to this latest incident, just ignore her, do it properly, and send it out yourself (assuming you can spare the time to do it).
Was composing my other post when you posted this. The bolded section is something that needs to be taken to the owners. He can't just cop out like that. As project manager, he needs to manage. He can't just pick and choose what part of managing is to his tastes. If he's doing that, then he's not doing his job properly.