Why are people here pushing this incessant view that a male must have a girlfriend by their 20's, and married not long after, or they're no longer "normal".

I hate to be so blunt, but to me the entire concept of relationships, and marriage, seems to be a gigantic waste of time and money. One gets married and has children, and you might as well just kiss the "best" (in terms of health) years of your life goodbye. You are giving your life away so you can raise children and attend to your family. I know it's the "traditional" view that all men and women once they reach adulthood and beyond must effectively give up most of the hours and days of their LIFE just to contribute to the next generation, but I say to hell with it - society already demands of us that we give up a fair segment of our lives working to survive, and as human beings we are only here once, why should we give up the other half of our lives creating a family?

I know some people will say "Well if every body thought like that, the human race would die out", well fuck homo sapiens in that case. I'm sure not going to give away my precious time doing something I don't want to do (whether it be "dating", relationships or whatever) unless I have no choice.

It's a sign of the "hyper-social" times when people who like to on their own, who are contemplative and introverted, are mocked by society. Anyone who does not agree to sacrifice their life to the collective is a "hermit", "recluse", "creepy" or whatever.

Ok, here's the deal from the Momo... love doesn't always happen immediately, love doesn't always happen with someone you expected, love doesn't always happen with likely suspects...

So I am married for the second time and I gotta say that knowing who I really was as a grown person made all the difference in picking someone truly compatible - not just an ok match - so age and experience really, really makes a difference so trust me when I say to you - someone young - don't despair because you're just going through a process of refining what really matters to you and that makes ALL the difference in finding a long-term relationship. So spend this time focusing on your career, having fun and becoming yourself ;-)

The next thing is if I sent you a picture of me when I was 20-21 you'd think OMG I could never in a million years get a girl like that...but see few years down the road I'm not exactly ugly but hey I sure don't look like that anymore... See women that are worth having realize that they won't always be 20 but the men they select never seem to notice that... ;-) Which is why women worth having never judge a man on his looks - they only see the look in his eyes that sees their intrinsic beauty, their worth as a human being and ultimately their soul - which they find stunning today and will find stunning every year henceforth.

So here's the thing - work on being you. Work on being the kind of man that every woman worth her salt wants - funny, loving, trustworthy, steady...oh and I gotta say that my fuzzy lover man always, always makes me feel like I am the most important thing in his life and that there is the main thing. Don't despair.... ;-)

You're only a kid. Wait til you get a place and a job. There will be heaps of keen women then. Mid 20s onwards is the key. I'm in my early 30s, I have a girlfriend but there are big numbers of attractive single women (who were in relationships at some point, some serious others not) looking for guys. I am a little jealous of my single male friends.

This raises an important point. Some parts of the world are just plain toxic for trying to find a date and others are really easy. Around here, nobody meets people in person any more, I think most of us have realized how much of a waste of time the bars and various in person options are. So, we tend to look for love online.

Unfortunately, that makes the problem of appearance even more problematic as the profile picture will usually be seen before they've actually had a chance to read the profile. Whereas in real life, there's at least some hope of seeing personality first.

Around here, the dating scene tends to suck. It's an absolutely toxic combination of feminism and conservative dating mores that leads to a huge quagmire for anybody foolish enough to try and get a date the conventional way. I've lived here for decades and I can't recall ever having met somebody that was successful.

Yep have to agree with that. Read that in a few places and also watching friends and friends of friends get hooked up and even now seeing various friends start to have kids, or onto their 2nd ones. The pool gets smaller, so do the availability of the 'good' or remotely 'ideal' ones unfortunately.....

It's a little bit easier for men because traditionally men date and marry women that are younger. Plus, we can continue to reproduce later into our lifecycle with somewhat reduced problems.

I dislike being in the position where I really need to be dating women that are 6 or 7 years younger than me so that I don't have to get married immediately if I want to have kids.

I'll probably just wind up leaving the US and importing a wife. The women around here that are actually cool tend to already be involved with somebody or are lesbians. And lesbians are a lot more common here than in most parts of the country.

If you want to have kids (believe it or not some folks want to have kids and find it one of the most important part of their life) it's best if the wife has them young for health reasons, and many parents have told me it's best to have them young when you have more energy. I had a friend who waited until later to have kids (married a wife about 10 yrs younger than him) and he's going to be in late 50s before all his kids get out of the house and on their own. It's tough on him to have to be responsible for them to that age, and he's got to worry about getting old and run down himself. Plus, if you wait too long it may never happen.

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/women-will-regret-putting-off-pregnancy-if-they-wait-too-long/story-fnet08ck-1226716905741

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2451593/Amandas-warning-women-Dont-make-mistake-wait-long-babies.html

I don't know you and I don't know about your personal situation, you living in a small town and all, so it's possible that there are outside factors that complicate things. But I think self-esteem plays an essential part in pursueing a meaningful relationship. So it might not be anything like you being obese or being socially awkward or the media or your small town etc,. but the fact that you let the media get to you, that you perceive yourself as doomed at the age of 23, that you seem to think your weight might make you unattractive, that you think you're socially awkward and that you're worrying about your virginity. What other people think about you matters a whole lot less than what you think about yourself and what you imagine other people might think about you.

Ponxha said "this kind of thing comes naturally", but I don't think it does as long as you don't feel good about yourself. You're young, and my advice would be not to listen to the cynics, it's not too late for anything, there is no such thing as "doomed", but if you do want to get anywhere you have to stop stressing yourself over it and start believing in yourself. And I don't mean sitting back and hoping it will all be alright in the end, but actively working on your self-esteem, if necessary even with professional help (not because there's something wrong with you, but because you seem to feel that way). Once you're confident and relaxed, then it might come naturally under favorable conditions, and even under unfavorable conditions it will be easier for you to make the best of it. I think that feeling good about yourself is the key to both making other people feel good about you and leading a happier life in general.

to the OP from your posts i not only read a lot of missing confidence in yourself and your conversational topics but also that ure just thinking it all through way too much, i mean if u cant talk with someone about old games coz they never played them for example just get on their level and maybe they will get to yours, u know what i mean?
also work on your confidence and get out more often even if its just to jog/cycle or whatever helps u keep in shape, sometimes u can even meet people there, maybe even with the same interests and goals.and dont stop dating just coz uve been turned down a coupletimes, happened to everyone else before u and wil happen to everyone after u. ure not alone on that one. so suck it up and get back on the horse.
about your confidence well, u dont have to be actually confident to seem confident and most women are just looking for someone who pays attanetion to them no matter if that manifests as good friend or the asshole who keeps letting her wait on every date. besides most of the things above should already boost your confidence by a lot and if not stop playing a little earlier and read some books, man ure becoming a teacher which implies knowledge so read some interesting book and u already got a conversation starter going once ure on your next date or running through the park meeting the same person who runs there almost every day.

from my self well, im 30 now spent way too much time in serious relationships for my taste, been married 5 years before getting divorced, dated a lot of girls before and after that some with succes some without. thats just the way it goes u win some u lose some, but if u dont play u cant win.
hey im a cynic too atleast when it comes to my own relationships but that doesnt mean cynics cant give any helpful tips or advice :P

Um, can I just say that statistically married men live a lot longer than non-married men? Sheesh, it's no wonder that they do. A wife has a vested interest in their husband living longer - well at least it's someone to take the trash out to the curb on a regular basis ;-p - by simply feeding him and making sure he goes to the doctor on a regular basis. And one cannot discount the companionship factor...

So Crosmando, I see you post anti-female commentary all the freaking time - what is your deal anyway cause frankly it is very disheartening as a female Goglodyte to see a forum member only ever post when the subject vaguely resembles something female-oriented and all they have to say is something that bashes females... just sayin' is all...

someone shoulda told that to my ex-wife lol, she actually didnt seem to be too concerned if im gonna live longer than her :P

Imo, for guys, the single best way to get rid of that excess fat is transforming it into muscles with strength training.

Get a book or a trainer to make you a program with dumbbells, buy a bench, a couple of dumbbells, stick with it and you're good to go.

For losing fat, it's way better than cardio (but seriously, do some cardio too), but you need to be observant enough not to injure yourself. If an exercise hurts, you need to check that you are doing it properly (very easy to do with the internet nowadays) and if you are doing it properly, either lower the weight or do another exercise that works the same muscle groups. Alternatively, you can just give the muscle group a break for a few days to a week or two.

I don't believe in marriage, simply because I don't believe that a binding relationship agreement is healthy.

I think you should be in a relationship because you want to, though I'll agree that children complicate that equation a great deal.

Have you seen the divorce rate nowadays? Sure, the pool might be smaller than early 20s, but still plenty available and the great thing for guys is that because of the lower male life expectancy, the female-to-male ratio becomes higher the older you get.

And of course, guys tend to age more gracefully than women (I'd say that holds true until the late 60s, after that, you're on the same boat :P), so there is also the possibility of fishing in the younger pond as well.

Personally, I wouldn't want to date a woman under 25 years old to save my life (just can't deal with the lack of maturity at that age) and I may well think the same of women under 35 years old in a decade, but to each his own.

And I wonder why, seeing as pretty much every government on the planet discriminates against men (and women) who are single, due to the massively disproportionate tax incentives, generous welfare schemes and the like which are only available to married couples.

If anything this rapidly hyper-social society is anti-singles, and does everything in it's power to try and lure, force and shame people into getting into a relationship/married, whether they like it or not. And? You seem to be running the exact same argument that people in relationships and married are inherently more "normal" and better than single people. Some people do not enjoy the "companionship" and prefer to spend their time doing things they want, alone. For some people having to interact face-to-face constantly with others is a psychologically (and physically) draining experience, and they would rather just be on their own. This isn't "abnormal" btw.

You also seem to be avoiding the point that getting married, having a family, is basically a life of it's own, the massive time it takes out of one's life due to responsibilities and the work it entails to support children, well you might as well just kiss your "life" goodbye. "Anti-female commentary", really now? The only (recent) thing I can remember that would make anyone think that is defending that guy/game dev who made a bunch of inappropriate comments on the internet to a female, who then leaked the conversation, and a bunch of feminist and fellow traveler websites jumped all over the guy and tried to ruin his reputation/career/life for making some unfortunate comments. I'm not a fan of radical feminism and I think at least on the internet it's pretty damn crazy, but I'd like to see you justify why I'm anti-female.

I'm not interested in relationships or marriage, is that why? I posted my opinion in this thread, and you think I'm having a go at females? What part of my post exactly was a) off-topic to this thread, or b) anti-female ?

I met my second husband online... We did not exchange photos until we'd gotten to know each other but that wouldn't necessarily have deterred me. See I tend to distrust "good-looking" guys... and my first AND second husband are never going to win any contests in the looks department. Ultimately it is ALL about who the guy is - and angry, unhappy guys that smell of "women as my punching bag for all that is wrong with my life" need not apply. And that has ZERO to do with looks.

Let me put it another way, a man that is confident in who he is is VERY attractive to women. He may show dominance when he drives but he always leaves a tip no matter how bad the service is (well unless the waiter is rude to his date and then he asks to speak to the manager. But when he speaks to the manager, he holds his temper and simply explains why he won't be leaving a tip.)

Does that make any kind of sense? Because if a man cannot hold his temper then only the kind of woman he's going to land is one that is certain to break his heart... but of course this is all about self-fulfilling prophecies at least in my experience.