That's called a sex slave and it's more trouble than it's worth.

No, I am not one, as I have fornicated. But: having lived also in the US, as a European, I would say that the dating "culture" in the US tends to favor superficial values and looks over everything else - and even when one wishes to make friends, one encounters a lot of "I will say yes, but this is not really a yes, but a maybe, just in case I will not find a better option."

Better being more status, more popular, more pretty /handsome, watching telly, whatever. I think this only serves to leave Americans to be more isolated, and unhappy, often, really.

But persevering and being genuine tends to pay off: I totally "fell into friendship" with a cool, genuine, warm person when there. She is quite the model pretty. But the down side of it is that she gets hit on indiscriminately, just based on her looks, and not for the person that she is. Cool, open to the world, warm, kind, funny - and the best, the most loyal of friends.

It is, in my view, also rather hard to meet people naturally in the US, as you are either at your destination, or driving there, mostly - spontaneous encounters are just not there.

But 23 is really very, very young. So if anything, aim at greater substance, knowledge of the world, and savoir vivre.

Is being overweight - not sure if to a morbid degree though - an excuse not to force yourself out of comfort zone to accept that those who seek must take the occasional shit hitting the fan?

I am fundamentally reserved, and abhor superficiality, cannot be smooth with "elevator talk" and getting my humour requires alchemy - yet I suffered a year of total isolation in Scottsdale before finding some of the best friends a person ever could have.

The comment about Mexican women was such that... would you assume to be actually worthy of being loved by them? Are you fantastic, can you cook yourself? I found it very instrumentalizing.

Edit: grammar mostly.

In Scottsdale - I trust you know the rep - I found two key persons leading into great friendships in French and German classes respectively. The filter tends to favor interesting persons, to my experience.

Not club, language class.

But hopefully you have or at least can whip up fascination about beauty and power of expression of foreign languages? (As opposed to ranting about Coca Cola ad during Super Bowl...)

I am sorry if this is very clichéd, but as a Scandinavian I have an image of South East Asia as rather shy cum conservative - how would you best see this changed? Or should this in your view be changed?

Personally I do not think that marrying young (and hence being ignorant of oneself or the world) is actually a good thing unless divorce is also treated fairly casually, and both parties can live the consequences financially. This requires, as such, women to be educated, pursue career interests, and to own property.

I very much agree with your view of American culture.

I am sorry for making it seem like I was purring down Mexican women in any way. The truth is, I find myself more comfortable in the presence of them, rather than Caucasian American women I know. The is something about the humbleness and honesty I frequently feel in their presence. I think that compared to American, or even Mexican American women, it would be much more difficult to find and maintain a relationship. Many of them seem like they are incredibly high maintenance and are very judgmental, along with superficiality. I am actually from Arizona (if the Scottsdale you mention is the one in Arizona, then we have lived in the same state), so there is a large Mexican population. Many of my friend's mothers (Mexican) are just great cooks and people in general. One in particular makes perhaps the best chilaquiles breakfast I have ever eaten. I guess my statement was meant to be something of endearment, not instrumentalization. I really would like to move to Mexico, Guadalajara in fact. I have been there and it is beautiful, if hot and humid in the summer. I speak conversational Spanish, though I did not take classes at the university to do so. I have not attempted to make friends in a Spanish Class. My school does not have a Spanish club either, I checked.

I do have a problem with your post though. Why do you think that your spouses significant others appearance is relevant at all? Do you really have trouble walking down the street with her and having men barrage her with compliments and phone numbers? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and certainly doesn't last forever. For me, it is something that falls far below many other qualities of people.

I appreciate many users uplifting words. When I created the thread, I had a nagging feeling that the longer I wait to push myself to find a girlfriend, be it one that I may not even care for, the further I will be from getting one at all. As I get older I feel more and more isolated and like my opposite sex skills are atrophying and withering away. There was a fear I felt that the longer I wait and the more experience my female peers get, the less the will want to deal with someone as inexperienced as I. Reading your posts showed me that in 20 years it is possible for me find someone who would even put that aside, and love me for my positive qualities. I think that I should just take it slow, but jump on opportunities when I can.

I still have to state: unless you can liaise someone as your equal, yet admirable - how can they return your regard accordingly? Please re-read your post in the first paragraph, and reflect...

As to the problem with the post - this is somehow rather nice from you - but possibly because of your young age you do not yet know that a really solid, enjoyable friendship is mostly constant and true than fornication.

Even if we both would have probably loved to have been able to fall in love with each other.... if I could, I would have, she is that great - just that regrettably we are not very lesbian...As to compliments - she or an actual boyfriend - bring it on! This shall be deserved, methinks, but not just for the looks.

I am myself under the spell of a most truthful wisdom of the Russians: "We do not love people because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because we love them."

That's kind of what happened to me. Then again, I only got married after I had some signs that I'm ready to relate to kids, grudgingly admitting that they may be cute (though I still think babies are pretty ugly creatures). Frankly I wanted to wait a little more before my first kid, but my wife was worried about the fertility problems you mentioned and how long it will take. Bang, first attempt.

Unfortunately, those are more or less statistical figures and without knowing where a couple are within that data set, it could mean that one needs to start earlier or later.

Personally, I'm realizing that I'm probably not going to have a date for valentine's day again. I think I may just look for work in some part of the US where people are generally less anti-social. It gets really old wasting a lot of energy trying to make friends or get a date and find that they're just wasting your time.

It's really frustrating to be only attractive to women that are already in relationships, who seem to have no problem with sexually harassing guys, when the women that are available are so skittish at giving a guy a hint that they might as well not exist.

Unfortunately most statistical data comes without much context, so it's impossible to say where you are on the curve. When I was looking into sudden infant death syndrome stats I did find some eventually, for example that the chances of death are significantly higher for smokers or people of low socioeconomic status. With such data it's easier to place yourself on the curve.

This (and the rest of the post) vividly reminds me of How to Lose Friends and Alienate People. Makes me glad that I don't live in the U.S.

I don't understand why having kids is such a big deal. I for one hope to find a significant other who is willing to adopt. There are just so many children without parents, along with the fact the the human race is quickly overpopulating the earth. On top of this, there are many more problems related to childbirth. I know many women are hung up on the fact that they feel that there role was to bear children. With luck, my significant other will be more forward thinking and considering of adopting. Today, it is more or less acceptable for women to have traditional male jobs and careers. Why can't they consider not bearing children?

Because there's already a shortage of people that should be having children having them. Unfortunately, it's mostly people that are too stupid to have kids that have the largest number of kids. It's far more common for well educated individuals to stop at 2 or 3 assuming that 1 isn't enough. It's practically unheard of for them to have more than 5. Whereas the people having large numbers of kids are usually doing it because they can't figure out how birth control works.
It depends a great deal where you are. Anywhere in the Pacific Northwest is essentially a wasteland as far as dating goes. Unless you're lucky, it takes a tremendous amount of work.

I'm going to be going to the parade today because it's a chance to meet people that are in a generally good mood while wearing their tribal wear. But, I don't think I've ever met anybody that successfully started anything that led anywhere around here.

My brother's probably the exception, and his standards were incredibly low in terms of what he would accept.

Who "should" be having kids? I don't think that anyone should. This does not change the fact that there are many children who are unwanted and burdens on "stupid" people. This is complex issue. I am kind of ashamed that there are people who think that their demographic has more of a right to inherit the Earth than any other.

Again, I apologize for nercroing a old thread, but I'm curious. Why do girls never start conversations? Its strange. I wait about 1-2 days in between every conversation I have with this girl so she doesn't get suspicious, and once we start talking she gets pretty talkative, but she never starts a conversation with me. I don't get it.