I'd rather like people to start thinking of having a kid as raising a human being who will have his own goals to pursue, as opposed to all objectificatory (is this a word?) reasons.

@ OP: don't stress about not being in a relationship- stay busy with academics, hobbies, and make friends/be social; relationships happen naturally.

Also, you don't need a gym buddy, or even a gym, to lose weight and get fit- there are a lot of resources online about how to get fit in a safe, healthy way. If you're just interested in losing weight, then the best thing for that is to take in less calories. Look up "you are you own gym", or YAYOG.

As for me, I haven't had a girlfriend since college, and I am not looking for anything right now either.

Yep, permavirgin here. Mid 20's.

I stopped caring, or at least am trying to convince myself as such.

The only piece of advice I can think of to even give you is, unfortunately, really easy to say...and a Hell of a lot harder to actually do (Sucks, I know). Stop worrying about it. The more you build this up in your head, the bigger a deal it becomes and the more anxious you get. It's true of basically anything, whether we're talking about freaking out over a big test or worrying about meeting a girl. It just continues to grow into this increasingly insurmountable problem that you can't get past or even see around.

As for being 23 and never having had a girlfriend, the only people who can make you feel bad about that are yourself and judgmental asswipes whose opinion you shouldn't bother listening to in the first place. So that leaves you. I think a lot of it comes down to how you perceive yourself. If you're going to define who you are as 'the 23 year old who hasn't had a girlfriend' rather than 'the guy who is well on his way to his bachelor's degree and setting himself up for the future', you're going to feel rather differently about yourself.

I struggle with self confidence a bit, but not nearly as much as I previously did. For myself, a lot of it was sticking with a job I detested and just generally hating everything that I was doing. Once I started making changes to the way that I was living, working and a lot of other things, I started to feel a lot happier and more confident. And when you're happy and confident, you tend to get noticed more often and act more...well...confidently. I can't say what might help you get there, because only you can really figure that out (Again, sucks...I know). There's nothing wrong with spending a bit of time every now and again taking stock of where you are and where you need to get better, so long as it doesn't turn into wasted years of navel gazing (made that mistake, too).

It's a different situation. I think it's a stupid system, and whenever it comes up, I point out that women willing to suck it up and go get themselves a guy are in a much stronger position than anybody else is. The standards guys apply to women approaching them are much lower than what women have and you're much more likely to get credit for just trying, even if it isn't fully nuanced as you've already separated yourself from the rest by taking some initiative.

I think it does depend a bit where you are, because around here I get the feeling that most guys aren't willing to put in the effort as the whole dating scene is pretty well seized up.

Seriously Dude most chicks dig Bald Guys, They just don't say it!

Agreed.

You're not even out of your 20's and you think something this fundamental will be permanent? That was a rethorical question.

Spend time around the opposite sex and, assuming you have at least an average life span, you will have a happy accident at some point.

He He he that Remind me of something My grandmother had on her car it read

Shit doesn't just Happen Arseholes (Assholes) cause it.

That seriously has two meanings

A.) People who are Arseholes (assholes) in life Cause Shit in your life.

B.) Your body has an Arsehole (asshole) which Forces you to use the Can!

Hehehehe that's funny!

You are lucky to have had and have possibilities in your future. I never even got a change. I was bullied and outcast from 3rd to 9th grade, abandoned by all but my few best friends (even outside of school) by 5th grade leaving me emotionally and mentally scarred for life. Had become atheist and absolutist by end of elementary school (junior high?). Graduated late from business institute (Accounting), was degraded to B class in military (not fit for front line duty). Got driving license but never drove a car again.

Was unable to find work after graduation and military so tried to enroll into vocational college but failed the entrance exam with 0 score (might as well been writen in hebrew or latin). Enrolled to vocational school (IT undergraduate) but quickly became outcast for being nerd (only interested in computer stuff and no interest in anything other people considered 'normal' ie. cars, bikes, drinking (alcohol).

Graduated but again failed all interviews and attempts to get a job. Was overcome by stress,
social anxiety and expectations and had mental breakdown. Took two years to recover. Moved out of my parents house and as there was no work to be found in IT due to internet buble brust I again enrolled into another school (degree in Digital Communication). School was pretty fun for change and even got to know few people but ultimately was unable to find a place that would accept me as trainee so had to do assigments for school instead to graduate.

Few years of short term employments and trainee positions (unpaid worker essentially) followed. Started to study languages (English and Japanese) on my spare time in local adult education institute. As no more interesting couses seemed forthcoming (goverment cut backs due to depression) and changes of getting real job being same as winning in lottery (every opening has 100+ applicants), I decided to help NGO's to get some semblance of social interaction into my life and at least doing something with all the education I've had. Have been doing that for... ~6 years now. Somewhere in between I decided to try another field (yay! 4th degree! this time in enviroment and logistics.). I managed to find training place at local supermarkets storage side (but had to also work on store side filling Have also managed managed to land few longer term part time jobs (office work) thanks to goverment subsidied but no permanent or full time work (too much competition and lack of social skills, getting too old too it seems and am overeducated).

So in summary: 37 in few months and obese virgin with no social life (outside educational and professional), no friends, never had any sort of relationship with opposite sex (not even dated), almost zero change finding real job, poor social skills and suffer from social a social anxiety, have hard time remembering names and faces (thanks to lack of social contact and bullying early in life probably) that makes it near impossible to form any sort of relationships with anyone (takes too long to get acquainted and forget quickly). Thanks to living in nordic wellfarestate I probablty wont become homeless and scrape some semblance of life between odd jobs, mandatory and voluntary courses and NGO volunteer work until my health fails. Don't really expect anything anymore.

So don't worry too much. You still have all the opportunities in the world if you can graduate and get a job (real one), you'll have ample opportunities to build social network around you and be in relationship as long as you at least try to be social despite setbacks and differences (don't become recluse like I). Getting stable job is all important in adult life as adult social circles and life tend to build around their work places (much like school in childhood/teens). Try to maintain positive outlook, put some effort into your social life and be persistent and you'll probaly be alright. And if ever in doubt just remember some never even had opportunity.

And after all that rant I think I'm going to go hide in a corner.

You can still learn to develop facial recognition skills. I had issues with that when I was younger and after years of practice, I've gotten to the point where I can generally tell people apart and remember what they look like. It used to take ages for me to remember a face and a name, but I've gotten rather good at it, now it only takes me a few seconds in most cases.

But, good post, nice to have some perspective on the matter.

BTW, I don't think that's much of a rant, or at least it didn't come off as a rant to me.

I agree with Piranjade. I used to read outside in the sun in the city and I got a handful of quite forward offers. One seemingly Middle-Eastern passerby leaned over and mumbled something at me. I had no idea what he said, and asked him to repeat. In very nervous and heavily-accented English, he asked if I'd like to kiss his penis. Not even a "hello", first. Another man who must have been 30 years my senior asked me to come sailing on his boat, after minimal introduction. I declined, and then he mentioned some non-specific problem with his car that I could perhaps help with. My answer in situations like that is usually "yes" without thought, so I started following the guy off down the street. A savvy female friend of mine twigged what was happening, caught us up and bluntly extracted me. She then gave me a stern yet amusing lecture about wandering off with strange men.

I have some trouble with names too but that might have something to do with having too many conversations starting with:
"Hey it's me, Mohammed!"
-"Uh, which one?"
-"Mohammed Ahmad"
-"Forgive my confusion but I'm not sure I remember who you are"
-"We met in the mosque"
-"..."
-"Hello? Sufyan?"
-"Riiight. Mohammed. From Somalia, no? So how are you, brother?"

I mentally face palm a lot in my every day life.

Hey, Cut that out! That's something Private! when I was Very young I had an One night stand (or was it day there IDK) and Reptilian E.T. woman I was on a post apocalypse earth (I thnk) she put Her tail in I think you Know where I'm refering to and Massaged Prostate gland while we were Intimate OKAY! Lets just say Tears were Pissing down my face, and I was squealing with Pleasure she opened my eyes to things that I never Knew of of course she made me of the age (strange Pill with what appeared to be a galaxy swirling inside it made me 10 years older instantly (That felt weird) gave me a yellow cube thing that Regrew me where I got Circumcised almost instantly) She told me she was me this was back in '89 BTW after Fukashima blew up and all the Nuclear reactors in the states exploded one after the other of which Irradiated the whole planet and Because of a D.N.A. Virus I supposedly Have that no one else has. which flips everything she had a cat shaped face with eyes that slightly wrap part way round her head Looked simlar to SekMet in this picture

[url=http://www.elfwood.com/~nordman2/Sekhmet-Darkwing.3519205.html]http://www.elfwood.com/~nordman2/Sekhmet-Darkwing.3519205.html[/url]

No that Crocodile cat thing wasn't there

just change the skin from cat fur to BLACK Lizard or serpentine skin (there was NO HAIR on her body) she had very very TINY diamond shapes in her skin (scales) was softer then silk / satin and the end of her tail was soft and Tongue like she only had Three fingers and a thumb on both hands on her hands we retractable talons (she'd stretch her hands out and they came out I saw one when she sliced her hand with one to prove that she was me she sliced the back of her right hand with it from ten feet away as she told me to look down at my right hand I didn't have to as soon as she did it I felt a sharp sting on the back of my right hand I looked down and there was blood on my hand and a cut where she cut her hand and in the exact same shape which was small line I freaked out about it) and her Feet were like in that picture NOW DO YOU GET THE PICTURE! How could anyone resist THAT! she was Extraterrestrial Looking Yes! Now can you see why I am the way I am! Geez.. I wanted it to stay private it's my private Memories geez.. and BTW no human female could keep Me in 'Climax' Land and squealing for seventeen (17) and a Half hours! Now stop with the sorry, couldn't resist that jokes okay Geez.. I feel so mentally unclothed now! FWIW I wanted to keep these things Private. Do I have to explain myself and Why I'm like the way I am? I 'm talking about this in a subjective Manner I'll take it down or get one of the Gog.com staff to if anyone (meaning any of you and the Gog staff) finds this offensive! Now leave me alone Okay!

Let's just say My time with her was Magical Okay!