Posted October 29, 2011
A 50k word novel? I got a 80k+ word novel lined up:
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Greg carefully adjusted his new silken tie as he waited for the elevator to arrive. He had an important meeting today and he was running a bit late. As the doors opened a soft, female voice announed that this elevator was going up. Greg felt the same way. His life had definitely taken a turn for the better the last few weeks, and this meeting would make sure it would stay that way.
Just as the doors were closing, someone yelled out "Hold the elevator!" It was Joe, the janitor. He was a friendly type of fellow but his constant chatter made Greg avoid him if he could. This time he couldn't, though, as Joe got to the elevator just in time to force the doors open.
Unavoidably, Joe started filling Greg in on everything he'd done since the last time he'd managed to corner Greg for a chat. Last week he'd visited his nephew - Joe didn't have any kids of his own, something Greg found strangely reassuring - and he'd had a "grand time". That was one of Joe's favourite expressions, having a grand time. Eating a particullary good sandwich qualified as having a "grand time" in Joe's rather dull and boring world.
"Hey! Do you want to hear this joke Eric told me?" asked Greg, not waiting for an answer. Eric was Joe's nephew and as far as Greg could tell from Joe's stories, a rather strange kid. "Well, it goes like this," Joe said and wrinkled his forehead in concentration.
"Asione, asitwo, asithree, asifour, asi .." Joe was suddenly cut off by a loud clang and a flickering of the lights. The elevator jerked to a halt as the red emergency light went on. "Asifour, asifive, asisix" Joe continued as if the elevator being stuck was of no consequence. "Asiseven, asieight, and, wait for it," Joe was almost bursting, "asinine!" Greg thought Joe looked slightly mad with the red emergency light reflected in his wide-open, expecting eyes.
Greg wasn't really amused by the "joke", and would much prefer to get the elevator going again so that he could get out of here. Even his important meeting seemed less important now than getting out of this small box. It was almost as if the walls were moving ever so slowly towards him. Joe was definitely hovering closer and closer as he waited, impatiently, for a reaction from Greg.
"Um, yes, that was a good one," Greg muttered, "it has a certain ironic twist to it". Joe's brow furrowed as he tried to understand the last part, but quickly shrugged it off as unimportant. He didn't have the time to ponder what Greg might have meant as he had another joke, one he'd made himself and one that he was quite proud of. He hadn't really understood the first joke until Eric had told him that "asinine" was a word, and he'd still been thinkning about it when they were playing a tabletop game a little later.
"You want to hear another joke?" he asked Greg excitedly. Greg was busy pressing the buttons and halfheartedly replied "sure, why not", thinking to himself that Joe, as the janitor, ought to get them out of this situation.
"Ok, here goes," Joe said, "Warhammer one, warhammer two, warhammer three, warhammer four .."
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And so on and so forth for a while. I could make it shorter by letting Greg kill Joe after, say, "Warhammer ten-thousand-two-hundred-and-forty-eight" and then finish off the novel with Greg being interviewed by a police detective, going through it all word by word..
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Greg carefully adjusted his new silken tie as he waited for the elevator to arrive. He had an important meeting today and he was running a bit late. As the doors opened a soft, female voice announed that this elevator was going up. Greg felt the same way. His life had definitely taken a turn for the better the last few weeks, and this meeting would make sure it would stay that way.
Just as the doors were closing, someone yelled out "Hold the elevator!" It was Joe, the janitor. He was a friendly type of fellow but his constant chatter made Greg avoid him if he could. This time he couldn't, though, as Joe got to the elevator just in time to force the doors open.
Unavoidably, Joe started filling Greg in on everything he'd done since the last time he'd managed to corner Greg for a chat. Last week he'd visited his nephew - Joe didn't have any kids of his own, something Greg found strangely reassuring - and he'd had a "grand time". That was one of Joe's favourite expressions, having a grand time. Eating a particullary good sandwich qualified as having a "grand time" in Joe's rather dull and boring world.
"Hey! Do you want to hear this joke Eric told me?" asked Greg, not waiting for an answer. Eric was Joe's nephew and as far as Greg could tell from Joe's stories, a rather strange kid. "Well, it goes like this," Joe said and wrinkled his forehead in concentration.
"Asione, asitwo, asithree, asifour, asi .." Joe was suddenly cut off by a loud clang and a flickering of the lights. The elevator jerked to a halt as the red emergency light went on. "Asifour, asifive, asisix" Joe continued as if the elevator being stuck was of no consequence. "Asiseven, asieight, and, wait for it," Joe was almost bursting, "asinine!" Greg thought Joe looked slightly mad with the red emergency light reflected in his wide-open, expecting eyes.
Greg wasn't really amused by the "joke", and would much prefer to get the elevator going again so that he could get out of here. Even his important meeting seemed less important now than getting out of this small box. It was almost as if the walls were moving ever so slowly towards him. Joe was definitely hovering closer and closer as he waited, impatiently, for a reaction from Greg.
"Um, yes, that was a good one," Greg muttered, "it has a certain ironic twist to it". Joe's brow furrowed as he tried to understand the last part, but quickly shrugged it off as unimportant. He didn't have the time to ponder what Greg might have meant as he had another joke, one he'd made himself and one that he was quite proud of. He hadn't really understood the first joke until Eric had told him that "asinine" was a word, and he'd still been thinkning about it when they were playing a tabletop game a little later.
"You want to hear another joke?" he asked Greg excitedly. Greg was busy pressing the buttons and halfheartedly replied "sure, why not", thinking to himself that Joe, as the janitor, ought to get them out of this situation.
"Ok, here goes," Joe said, "Warhammer one, warhammer two, warhammer three, warhammer four .."
==================
And so on and so forth for a while. I could make it shorter by letting Greg kill Joe after, say, "Warhammer ten-thousand-two-hundred-and-forty-eight" and then finish off the novel with Greg being interviewed by a police detective, going through it all word by word..