I've been known to play doubles with only 3 ppl...

[fake French Cleesey accent]
Your mother is a hamster!
And your father smells like elderberries!
[/fake French Cleesey accent]

NI i say NI
what is this some kind of spainish inquisition?

I quote Monty Python so frequently that I can't list it all. Here's a few of the ones I use regularly.
-You are all different!
-Yes, we are all different!
-I'm not.
-You lucky, lucky bastard!
-WHAT is your favourite colour?
-It's just a flesh wound!
-You're no fun anymore.
-She turned me into a newt!
-A newt?
-I got better.
-Dinsdale?
-Spam, spam, spam, spam, SPAAAAAAAM!
-Gooorn...
-Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

are chief weapons are .....

Are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency our THREE chief weapons are....

Just yesterday in my Japanese class I started saying Ni.

"Splunge!"
"I will not buy this record, it is scratched." Usually when annoyed by something broken / of limited functionality / difficult to use, replacing "record" with the name of the offending item.

I assume you were counting... If that's the case it's Shi not Chi. I usually use Yon though because Shi also means death.

Couldn't you just type:
LOLOMFGZ that was like funniest thing evah!
Instead of correcting me on something with which I have only a basic knowledge of :P
Before attempting to write something funny I did google the Japanese counting because I didn't know how to type ichi. So there are now different schools in how to type Japanese by using a western keyboard?So desu ka.

I'm not sure what you mean by: "So there are now different schools in how to type Japanese by using a western keyboard?" but Shi and Chi are different sounds, then again maybe Chi also means four. There are allot of different ways to say the numbers in Japanese. Japanese Romaji is all based on sound though so people will usually know what you mean if you spell it differently but make the same sounds. Also the u in desu is barely pronounced at all, so if you leave it off people will understand you, though they'll probably think you're ignorant. :P

There are far too many MP items that I use very regularly, such as...
- In a silly John Cleese French accent: It is only a wafer thin mint
- I drive my wife crazy singing "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life", "Penis Song", "The Lumberjack Song" and "Sit on My Face"
- I further drive my wife crazy by re-enacting the Ministry of Funny Walks in the mall while we are shopping
- Whenever I'm trying to end an argument or other unpleasant discussion: This argument is no more, it has ceased to be, it has expired and gone on to meet its maker...
- In similar situations: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke you vacuous, toffy-nosed, malodorous pervert!
- Every line from The Holy Grail, regardless of the situation
- Most versatile line ever: Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean?
- Of course, probably more than anything else: And now for something completely different...

Just to let everyone know.
I found out only recently that you can watch the funny and memorable and touching eulogy at Graham Chapman's funeral here

Oh I'd never seen that! I'd only read the transcript, definitely a python sendoff, I'm sure graham would have been proud...