SalarShushan: That doesn't sound good at all. Praying for you, but you know you must also pray and repent if it is to do any good, yes?
KiNgBrAdLeY7: You are correct. Still, i do not have the luxury of repenting, at least yet. And i never liked doing something without meaning it fully, or being honest about it.
I carry certain burdens with me, that others threw on my back intentionally, hoping that said weights would be enough to drop me down and maybe drop me down "permanently"... I have to do a number of more vile deeds, in order to quickly/briefly live the life some bastards stole from me and (almost) ruined, to stand on my feet with steel nerves without budging even as they keep harming AND harassing me, to bolster myself physically and not only, and ultimately, set up to pay them back FULL PRICE for all the evil they have done to me.
Praying for myself, now, would be an ugly blasphemy that would only add more guilt on my consciousness. That is why i asked for others to...
I can relate only too well to having opportunities to live normally stolen, and being harassed and slandered, and at times I have had to stand up for myself and my family. That is not a sin though, as I try to do things God's way, asking His guidance and staying within His rules. The biggest part of real faith is believing God will take care of those who believe and trust in Him and His promises, especially while we are under attack, and that we can trust that He will provide and defend us. Vengeance too belongs to the Lord God and He will repay, if we give the matter to Him. What is frustrating is that sometimes He acts right away and other times not, and we humans are impatient and become very angry, very fearful, and start to doubt Him, thinking we have to do for our selves. My testimony to you is that I have been able to trust God to get me and my family thus far and I am trusting God to fix my circumstances.. I worry too some days but He hasn't let me down yet. It is never a blasphemy to pray to Him for help and guidance to have what you need and do the right thing as best you can.
Hang in there, and seriously, I will be praying for you regularly.