What do have blondes and shotguns in common?

Fold in the middle and reloaded from behind.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
hobos and tramps.
Cross eyed mosquitoes
and bow-legged ants.
Pull up a chair,
and sit on the floor,
I'll tell you a story
you've heard before*

One bright day
in the middle of the night
two dead boys
got into a fight
they stood back to back
and faced each other
pulled out to guns
and stabbed each other
a deaf policeman heard the noise
pulled out a knife
and shot both boys
If you don't believe me
this lie is true
just ask the blind man -
he saw it too!

My wife has told me she's going to start charging me for sex.

She's got a blackboard in the bedroom with a pricelist.

To be fair she's cheaper than what I'm used to paying.

Here's a good one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3Lqk7A6SOQ

2 pizzas are in an oven
one says "man it's hot in here"
the other one replies "ah! a talking pizza!"

My niece always told at as muffins in a muffin pan:

A dozen muffins are baking in a pan
One says, "It sure is hot in here."
Another pipes up, "Everyone, look! A talking muffin!"

And yeah, great joke.

So... I think I created a new joke yesterday. Okay, I know I created it but I don't know if I'm the FIRST to create it:

What's the preferred religion of programmers?
PresBYTErian

uggghhhh...

:3


Here's one (and +1 for whoever gets it)

Q: How are a pickle and mayonnaise similar?
A: They both have feathers.

I never said it was a GOOD joke... : )

Here's my trademark morbid joke:

Q. Why did the chicken commit suicide?

A. To get to the other side.

*Rimshot*

I liked it! I myself have tried to create my own jokes, with little success. its harder then you think...

I made up this one(but honestly i think its been made up before)

HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE CARTOONIST WHO COULDNT DRAW CONCLUSIONS?

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.