The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

Life is too short...



...P.S. Oh, yes, about rock music:

Thanks for that, it's very good:)

I thought the hippie peace sign was 1960s, did not know the hippie movement persisted in the 70s?

Also people bringing Smart Phones and video camaras to concerts:

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8520/8607934912_c1205cfceb_b.jpg

Very good, John Cleese rocks.

quoting Also : http://thejohncleese.com/forum/discussion/113/is-this-an-authentic-piece-by-john-cleese

The real question is... Who's gonna get the next Peace Nobel Prize?

I'd give it to the person who deports all reality TV stars, producers, directors, and anyone else responsible for the shit that is on TV nowadays to some deserted isle. Does the Bikini Atoll still have high levels of radiation? If so, as good of a place as any to ship these people off to.

Thats just brilliant and how accurate about us scots

those with power
industry gives certifications between them

Test tube hamburgers to be served this year

And it truly shows my ancestors were really scottish. It's the only two reactions I have.

agree'd

though the English blood in me laughed at the french aswell

i totally agree... accurate for now at least. I was walking through town earlier and most of the people were not scottish... I feel our roots are being bred out.

Beautifully articulated polictical posturing. Now do the funny walk.

We all know Scotland has 2 other levels
"Have a walrus boast about independence before being crushed" and
"CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE"
The final is reserved for when shit goes down