THREAD CONTAINS HORRIBLE SELF-PROMOTION. LOOK AWAY OR SHOUT LOUDLY ABOUT IT IF THAT ENRAGES YOU.

Anyway, hello.

I have a book (or rather, an anthology) of short stories up on Amazon. Take a look, enjoy the sample (which annoyingly cuts out mid-sentence, but I have literally no control over that. Silly Amazon), share with family, friends, enemies, and pets, if you think they'll enjoy it. If anyone lacks a Kindle or an Amazon account or any such thing like that, I'd be happy to send an epub/mobi/pdf file to whomever so wishes for it, free of charge. Comments and feedback appreciated (unless it's something like 'piss off, you useless spanner' in which case you and me are gonna have fisticuffs, pal).

ADVERTISING PLANT!!

OK, shouting quota fulfilled, moving on...

You sell books on amazon? You must be a millionaire!

Also, is the pocket watch some horrible metaphor? I stopped reading after that.

Nope, it's an actual pocket watch, no real metaphor in itself.

My bride puts her arm round my waist and says "is that a watch in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Ot, but answer is 'no pretty, is just a pickle, that didn't cost us a nickel, but cost us our life!' :-)

Best of luck!

Those are infinitely better lines than I came up with.

Is it sort of like the sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey? Because I love that book.

I love how it's so well written and perfectly describes the human condition and themes of Freudian psychology within the context of the plot.

Oh no wait, it's just a story about bondage.

Your last name is delicious.

Nothing wrong with that. ;)

It's Fifty Shades of Grey fanfiction. Only I renamed the characters and took away the sex scenes, and called it Twilight instead.

I prefer Francis Bacon.

Seems like you have you're first review. Congrats for it being five stars.

Edit: Typo...