I just finished writing mine, and I'm both deeply ashamed and very proud of it. So, I want to know, have any of you ever written your own Aristocrats joke?

What exactly is an aristocrats joke? Over the years I've told a few extremely obscure jokes that would have a dozen people in the world laughing their arse off and everyone else confused

[url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Aristocrats_(joke]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Aristocrats_(joke[/url])
I haven't seen the movie - might have to track it down

have any of you ever written your own Aristocrats joke?
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links of london jewelery/links of london/links of london/pandora

No, I don't recall having done that. I'm sure I could though, with some free time & effort.
But go ahead, hit us with yours!

Bob Saget is a dirty, dirty man. But, because of this, he tell the best Aristocrat joke in that movie, in my opinion.
If I were to make one, I think it would need to have Nazi, homo-erotic, interracial, incestuous, rape involving baby whales and/or baby seals that would necessarily need to be killed at some point by a hippie high on crack. That's just off the top of my head though, it would, of course, need refinement. Possibly some snide remarks about jews/muslims/Scientologists/Christians would need to be added, just to cover all my bases.

If you insist!
A man walks into a talent agent’s office, and says, “I have this fantastic act that I just have to tell to you.”
The talent agent looks interested, and asks the man to explain:
“I, my wife, my young son, and even younger daughter are sitting at the dinner table, while our dog rests in the corner. We’re all eating dinner, when I turn to my daughter and say, ‘Sarah, do you happen to know how the lamp broke today?’ She says in real cute voice ‘No, daddy.’ I can see the look of guilt on her face, and I say, ‘Now, Sarah, it’s not nice to lie.’ She looks up and says, ‘I’m sorry, Daddy. I was running around the house, and I knocked the lamp over. But I have 20 cents in my piggy bank and I’ll pay back every cent!’ This audience awws, and maybe one or two people clap. Laughing, I walk over to my daughter, pull out my knife, and I disembowel her. Now naturally, my son and wife are terrified by this, and they try to run off the stage. So I pull out my .45, and I blow their kneecaps off. Now, my daughter is bleeding to death as her entrails hang out, and my wife and son are completely immobilized. I take my daughter, strip her naked, and I start fisting her asshole. Since her belly’s cut open, you can see my hand going in and out, in and out. By this point, my daughter is vomiting blood, and blood just happens to be a great lubricant, so I unzip my pants and force my daughter to use the last of her strength to give me a blowjob. My wife and son are still immobilized, so I say the secret word, ‘lollipop.’ This is the code word for the dog to mount my wife and start fucking her in the ass. I haven’t forgotten about my son, so I bring in a pit-bull to simultaneously fuck and eat him. My son’s back is getting torn apart, and his spine is exposed. So I walk over, with my fist still in my daughter, and snap his back, extract the spinal cord, and use it to start choking my wife. At the same time, I’m using my daughter’s lifeless corpse as a puppet, reenacting scenes from To Kill a Mockingbird: ‘I said come here, nigger, I gotta nickel for you.’ Dave, my black friend, comes in, and we London Bridge my daughter’s corpse, and I give him a nickel as promised. By this point, my son is completely paralyzed, thanks to me ripping out his spinal cord. Since he can’t feel anything, I decide to end his misery by hammering nails into his genitalia and major organs. My wife is still breathing though, so I walk up to her and take a huge shit in her vagina. The two dogs, loving the taste of shit, proceed to rip my wife’s lower regions apart to get to the dump. By now, my outfit is completely soaked with blood, cum, and shit, so I change into a Nazi uniform, and bring out a large group of holocaust survivors. I force them to kneel before me and to praise Hitler as I shoot them in the face. The last survivor brought her grandson with her, so I feed him to the dogs. The act ends with me committing seppuku with a rusty kitchen fork as I shout racial obscenities like ‘Fuck all spicks and niggers!’”
The talent agent is speechless for a second, and then says, “That’s quite an act. What do you call it?”
The man smiles proudly, and says “The Artistocrats!”

Hahahaha, that was pretty good. It had me laughing out loud for 75% of it, at any rate. Imagining it told live makes it about 3 times funnier too.
EDIT:
Another amusing thing, in most movies/shows, it is the black guy that dies first. However, in this joke, Dave is the only guy still standing at the end (heck, he even makes a profit). If intentional, that is hilarious (heck, it is hilarious to me even if it isn't intentional).

"By now, my outfit is completely soaked with blood, cum, and shit, so I change into a Nazi uniform, and bring out a large group of holocaust survivors."
Mainly, I think, because it was unexpected. The whole "I just got done raping and murdering my family, now it is time to dress up like a Nazi and kill some Jews!" thing struck me as funny. It was that last bit of over-the-top that any good Aristocrats joke needs.

"I said come here, nigger, I gotta nickel for you.’ Dave, my black friend, comes in, and we London Bridge my daughter’s corpse, and I give him a nickel as promised."
I lol'd here. The rest wasn't funny.

I guess incest, bestiality, and graphic violence just isn't your kind of humor. I completely understand lol.