My friend Matt just bought the game on his way over here so since I had word open, I thought I’d provide a running commentary on my first impressions. Dunno why, maybe typing constantly made me think I was doing much needed uni work
MISSION 1
Some players may find “certain sections” of this game offensive, do you want to skip them like a pussy?
Intro is very green
More things change, the more they stay the same... Cliche!
Oh look killing a dictator leaves a power vacuum, who’da thunk it?
Think that sergeant guy is the guy who played the captain in mass effect, Keith something?
Nice how they notice that you use the ironsights when they tell you not to
Oh look, they’ve incorporated target snapping autoaim into the ironsights, lame.
Can’t play basketball? Bah! They even complain you’re on the court
Desert eagle? Is that a standard sidearm?
Good quick draw on the pistol
Dunn is a whiny bitch, “wah wah, rangers are the best, why do the sas or delta get all the fun killing?” I hope he gets killed soon
That cardboard bad guy would SO have killed matt then!
Pretty choppers
MISSION 2
Oooh listen to the general “We is teh bestest evaaar!!”
Now traditional FPS “in the middle of a shitfight” intro to mission 1
Hahaha matt just tossed a grenade at his own men because he’s used to OFP2’s sprint button
Airstrike was nice, good detail with the chainlink fence affected by the blast
Didn’t know they had humvees in the wild west
Twitchy rail shooter section, ooh with a scripted screwup
Hehe matt ignored the order to flashbang the upstairs and he went down faster than a $2 hooker
Ugh, can’t change music volume? I HATE that, they ALWAYS make the bloody music too loud
AI are morons, an ally just walked in front of matt's gun while he was shooting and got a hot lead enema
MISSION 3
Snow? Oh well at least it looks cool, nice change from a 40c day outside
Ice cracks nicely, the controls seems kind of cool, alternating triggers to use the ice axes
Hmm, with the heartbeat sensor attached, the gun now looks sort of like the pulse rifle from aliens with the motion tracker, wonder if Russians have acidic blood
Hahahaha he has to stay out of sight of a truck so he hides right where it pulls up, funny how fast he died.
“We are Oscar Mike” sounds stupid at the best of times but its worse with a Scottish accent
Ooh personal and noisy violence, thats a LOT better than killing someone with a suppressed weapon you Scottish twat
Wow, having to go to plan B after all? Never saw that coming...
Whee snow slide
Snowmobile section apparently has excellent autoaim for reaction shooting
Yup, the downhill did indeed lead to a skijump
MISSION 4
Undercover? OOOOH Scary terrorism upcoming. Apparently he now looks like the enemy, I’ll be disappointed if he’s not in a cartoony and inadequate disguise, like Bosco (or should I say Comrade Boskovorski) in Sam & Max
Apparently this makarov fellow is a bit of a naughty chap and you’ll pay a cost for working with him, my guess is the killing civilians will make matt a psycho. Wondering how I’ll notice the difference
Matt says he didn’t have a problem with that whole gunning down a crowd of civs thing then giggled a bit. Evidently he’s not the person the intro question was talking about.
Hey some security people have arrived and are shooting, justifiable homicide!
Lots of carnage in the airport so far, also its boring as fuck to watch
Would have been nice to hear more about the infiltration, apparently this makarov guy trusts n00bs very easily
Why would terrorists carry flashbangs rather than frags?
Ahhh so thats why he trusted the n00b! He IS a bad man
MISSION 5
Running through the streets but with no shooting? Hardly a challenge
Shooting that guy in the leg looked easy. More electrotorture, I think these SAS guys used to work for wiredpussy
Sudden company sized force of militia, they do organise fast these days, I blame the internet
Meat is down! Meat is down! Suppose its salad tonight then, maybe wraps with some cheese & mayo
No time for backup! What a shock, ‘solo trooper against an army’ crap in a COD game!
Aww poor puppy, he just wanted a cuddle and matt shot him. I thought he was a dog lover. Maybe he meant lover in the romantic sense
My god, the target has a black duffel bag! You know what they say about THAT type of person
These people seem insanely well organised for people who are supposed to be improvising
RPG splash damage seems surprisingly light
Hmm, “Don’t shoot, we need him alive and unharmed”, whats the first thing matt does? Shoot him in the leg which is apparently lethal, maybe he’s a haemophiliac and bleeds out in seconds
Damn this game has still got such obvious location based spawn triggers
Ooh 2 mini-uzis, not one dick weapon but 2! Bet that'll be a favourite in multiplayer
Capturing the target you’re not allowed to injure by tackling him off a first story roof onto a car... Can't get hurt like that I'm sure
MISSION 6
Hmm, lots of bogeys, might be a big attack... Naaah surely not, probably a malfunction... Oops perhaps not!
Mission called “Wolverines!” Suburban Russian attack, seems a good name, wondering if there’s a Swayze lookalike later
Shadowing a BTR80, bound to be a good idea. Oh no, it spotted us! Unexpected!
Damn this service station has a crap selection of refreshments but they seem to come in bulletproof bottles
The AI’s tendency to run into the field of fire or block your movement is really quite amazing in this day and age, you’d think a simple if/then/else could solve this problem
UAV piloting is sort of funky, just your basic ‘keep the target in the middle of the sight’ thing but nice
Assault on a similar but legally distinct franchised hamburger outlet. I’ll have a Big McWhopper
5 guys in a few seconds walk around the same corner and get gunned down, you’d think by #4 they’d have thought to go a different way
“Kill 10 enemies with a predator”, they really wanted you to get that achievement, would have been harder to miss it
So there was one stinger pretty much right back where you started so you have to run all the way across to do one objective... Then run all the way back to get the other stinger to take down chopper 2
“Foot Mobiles”? There’s someone in the military who’s entire job it is to think up new and stupid names for existing things isn’t there? “Man”, “trooper” or “Soldier” would be faster to say and less stupid. I want that job, I'd rename the officers mess and make it "Hoity toity chow bunker"
This level could have been really cool if it was a SWAT style tactical game rather than a mindless blastfest
MISSION 7
Apparently its time for a prison break
Modern shiny laptops look really out of place in an obviously rather poor area
Why the hell are they fighting in brazil rather than being at the prison in Siberia or wherever? Looks like they’re just there to shoot shit up for the hell of it, maybe I missed some info
Seems to be another set of remarkably well organised improvising enemies
The exploding water barrels sending out a big spray is nice, not so sure about it apparently penetrating walls.
Hey wow, matt learned to not to take cover next to a car thats on fire!
Geez, is the RPG a standard 18th birthday present? Where the hell was mine damnit?
You can kill chickens AND dogs! Where’s PETA when you need them? If anyone deserves to be shot instead of chickens & dogs...
Ooh another scripted fuckup and now you’re on the run. Bit of a Mirrors Edge section, looks like it could actually be fun. Ahh but rather briefly
MISSION 8
Tank with a badarse gun that’s sure to beat the Russians, wonder how long until its scripted to be blown up and you’re left to improvise?
Convenient that the American suburbs have so many boxes of ammo, at least that part is realistic
Hahaha matt just got run over by the tank, squishies. funny
Damn that tank needs to be told almost everything, you’d think someone in there could make a decision on who to shoot
Hmm, you have to go to a specific address when you kill the AAA guns? If it’s to rescue a general’s kid I’ll lay odds it’ll drop its beloved teddy bear in a tragic moment of loss
Aww apparently its a normal guy but he’s dead so there’s still tragedy
Amazingly the tank didn’t get destroyed
I got bored of documenting here so I went to make lunch instead but watched another mission. After a bit over 3 hours I’ve seen nearly half the game and it looks like it should have been an addon to cod4 rather than a full game, pretty much any opinions you might have had about cod4 will very probably hold true for cod6. In my case, the opinion in question was and is “Meh”

how's the MOUSELOOK?

Nonexistant, this was the 360 version. I evidently forgot to mention that part

And the in-game text chat?!
Are the graphics changes affecting their colour? or just size? :P

Did IW change mouselook too or something?

To which my mind remarked "hurr durr herp derp hurrrrrrr".

And Graphics Settings!
Infinity Ward said "Let there be graphics!" And there were graphics made of many pixels. Infinity Ward saw that it looked good.

That was a hilarious review. I'd like to hear the second half.
I got about as far as your review covered, plan to finish tonight.
I feel bad I liked the disturbing parts. I always felt bad killing the dogs, and to a lesser extent civilians....but the caged chickens? that was fun.

That... Explains a lot. I was wondering why Infinity Ward would bother putting auto lock aim onto a PC FPS...

Its not as bad as it could be, by the look of things it just snaps your scope/ironsights to a target if its within the cone of the crosshairs as you hit the scope button. Still lame though

FPS's just don't belong on consoles.

Ah there've been some pretty good efforts. I can't disagree they'd all be better on PC though.
Sweet "review" dude. I'd like to read more stuff in this style from anywhere.

My copy of the game comes tomorrow. Thanks a lot Play Asia. :P

Want to hear something twisted and freakish? From time to time I run into some internet scrub who thinks first-person shooters are best on consoles, because you really need a gamepad to play a game like that. The mouse and keyboard just don't cut it.