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General discussion (archive)Being in love with someone involved, Love Triangles.(60 posts)(60 posts)
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This is my favourite topic
Posted July 17, 2014
IMHO opinion, triangles are on of the most, if not the most, evil geometric figures out there. They should be only used in problems in which trigonometry is a must, and ought to be avoided at all costs if possible.

If you are to stick with this old fashioned love in the plane, I would go for a love hexagon. Hexagons are as evil as 6 triangles, but damn cool too, so they can be used.

Nevertheless, I would recommend to try and achieve more dimensions of love, like pyramidal love or, if you are really really really really open-minded, an hypercube of love; this last mode of loving really improves both sexual and emotional aspects of a relationship, if you can stand the math, that is.
Post edited July 17, 2014 by javihyuga
Posted July 17, 2014
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lugum: Thanks, Thing is i am in a financial situation that i can't really meet other women, thus set my mind off things, but i can also understand its a part for her not choosing me.
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djdarko: If a girl/guy likes you for who you are, he/she'll go for you, even if you're broke.
If someone likes you, they wouldn't care if you go broke. But financial troubles are still hard on you, and present a huge obstacle to meeting new people who might end up liking you.
Posted July 17, 2014
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lugum: I am not looking for discussions on wether it's right or wrong, i think it's wrong to commit yourself in a marriage and claim that person for the rest of their live.
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misteryo: You're not looking for discussion, but you state you think it's wrong to marry and stay faithful?

You won't share your personal situation, but you hope others will share theirs?

What the heck, man?! Have some backbone and some integrity and don't be passive agressive.
First, GOG is too public and anyone could see anything posted here once googled, and i already have said certain things, i don't see why going into certain other details would help things.
Second, i am curious specifically about how it ended in these things, i have not reached that point yet, or maybe its heading to the disaster part.
Third i created this thread not to just be mine, but for anyone wanting to share their story (just the ending or the whole thing) if it creates them grieve in some way, i am sure i am not the only one.
Fourth, i have never said marriage is wrong or to stay faithful, contrary for some people it can work, kudos to them, all i am saying it's a rare occasion where one is truely 100% faithful (there are many numbers proving that), and who is to say that marriage is "natural"? we humans invented marriage and alot of other things that may raise questions.
Post edited July 17, 2014 by lugum
Posted July 17, 2014
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lugum: snip
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Brasas: What I meant is that wanting something you can't get is a very common feeling, not exclusive to love triangles, not even exclusive to love. Dealing with those feelings, figuring out ways to find acceptance is a huge part of growing old, and eventually dying. Hard to accept for everyone, but that's how it always ends, even with love.

I bring up dying on purpose, because the feelings one has in any kind of breakup situation (even gray ones where it's not an absolute NO, but a mixed signals kind of thing) are very similar to grief over death. The sense of loss you experience, the remorse, all the things you mull over. However, in breakups the other has not in fact died, making it a kind of ghost situation, where you may end up haunted for a long time.

Does that kind of fit how you see yourself now? Her presence haunting you, somehow present but not present. In my case physical distance was fundamental, we both ended up moving, at least temporarily, very far indeed. Running away from problems sometimes works wonders ... kinda.
Sortof but we already have a physical distance and therefor not seen eachother for a very long time.
For some country's standards we only live like 1 1/2 hour driving apart thus very short, but i dont have my license and she doesnt like to drive for long but with public transport it's kind of a disaster because of where she is living.
Meeting up ended up alot into discussions, even one time she said she was afraid of what might happen (just last year she said when after a fight in her marriage and she would pass my hometown because she had a wedding elsewhere that things would have happened there),
but it's still a problem in the present and future as she doesn't like to give a commitment to it, for her mail and skype stays safe.
But not having met up for so long thus the physical distance is what created any problems for us i think, in a way she is the one running away.
Post edited July 17, 2014 by lugum
Posted July 17, 2014
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lugum: Fourth, i have never said marriage is wrong or to stay faithful, contrary for some people it can work, kudos to them, all i am saying it's a rare occasion where one is truely 100% faithful (there are many numbers proving that), and who is to say that marriage is "natural"? we humans invented marriage and alot of other things that may raise questions.
Could you provide the numbers. Because I found things like "The study found that 22 percent of married men and 15 percent of married women have cheated at least once", and that indicates that the majority of people are faithful.
Posted July 17, 2014
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lugum: Fourth, i have never said marriage is wrong or to stay faithful, contrary for some people it can work, kudos to them, all i am saying it's a rare occasion where one is truely 100% faithful (there are many numbers proving that), and who is to say that marriage is "natural"? we humans invented marriage and alot of other things that may raise questions.
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ET3D: Could you provide the numbers. Because I found things like "The study found that 22 percent of married men and 15 percent of married women have cheated at least once", and that indicates that the majority of people are faithful.
"http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=124040

No woman is adultery-proof according to psychologist and author Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil.
More than 50 percent of all married women, at some point, cheat on their mates, says Weil, so husbands should never be too cocky that their wife won't stray. "You have to be on the alert that at any moment you could lose your partner," she says.
"
But i have seen numbers where it was alot higher, but can't remember the website. Plus 1 out of 3 marriage still fail regardless of cheating, so that also counts as a failure. Or what do you think about those in such tests who don't commit to it?
Regardless tests should be taken lightly sometime as one can say coffee is good for you while the other says it doesnt.
Post edited July 17, 2014 by lugum
Posted July 17, 2014
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lugum: i think it's wrong to commit yourself in a marriage and claim that person for the rest of their live.
(I'm going to put on my "blunt asshole" hat for a moment; please don't take offense as I have nothing against you. Most times for these types of situations, I wouldn't bother to comment, but it irks me somewhat to see women excused from the consequences of their moral choices; that is true sexism, not the typical feminist bullshit but actual sexism.)

It says "Netherlands" under your username. You don't live in some backwards country where marriages are arranged or women are taken by force (unless I drastically misunderstand the general situation in your country). She made a voluntary choice to enter a marriage with the expectation of mutual sexual fidelity. She could end that marriage or discuss the possibility of having an "open marriage" with her partner. Instead, she chooses to have an affair. Morally, you and she are both assholes. Do what you want, but don't lie to yourself about it. And what kind of future do you really expect to have with someone who's willing to stab their current partner in the back?
Posted July 17, 2014
Lugum, your entire situation reeks to me of self-delusion. You have pretty much revealed the main reason why most people cheat on a partner, and that is because they are unhappy with other aspects of their life that are difficult to change. For example, you have hinted at your poor financial situation and lack of transport which is probably making you unhappy with feelings of stagnation. However, because self improvement is difficult you instead seem to imagine that the key to your future happiness lies with a woman who sneaks around behind her husbands back and is emotionally unstable.

If someone has to cheat on another to be with you, that is not unrequited love. It is having your cake and eating it, as children often want. Childish infatuation is no foundation for a healthy relationship.

If I sound harsh, it is only because I have seen this play out a few times with friends and family. A love triangle is basically the same as taking pleasure in another's misfortune, because your love for one party is no more important than the love felt by the wronged party (husband in this case).

Be an adult and bring this sad story to a conclusion, then take control of your life and improve the bits that you are in control of.
Posted July 17, 2014
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lugum: i think it's wrong to commit yourself in a marriage and claim that person for the rest of their live.
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SeduceMePlz: (I'm going to put on my "blunt asshole" hat for a moment; please don't take offense as I have nothing against you. Most times for these types of situations, I wouldn't bother to comment, but it irks me somewhat to see women excused from the consequences of their moral choices; that is true sexism, not the typical feminist bullshit but actual sexism.)

It says "Netherlands" under your username. You don't live in some backwards country where marriages are arranged or women are taken by force (unless I drastically misunderstand the general situation in your country). She made a voluntary choice to enter a marriage with the expectation of mutual sexual fidelity. She could end that marriage or discuss the possibility of having an "open marriage" with her partner. Instead, she chooses to have an affair. Morally, you and she are both assholes. Do what you want, but don't lie to yourself about it. And what kind of future do you really expect to have with someone who's willing to stab their current partner in the back?
No offense taken, where i am lieing though?
And it could end in disaster or it could be a good future, women don't usually seek a new partner if they get what they seek in their current relationship, and she sought attention, affection and that's what she found in me. She or me never went out looking for it, we met eachother in a spiritual chatroom, we even went to some spiritual fairs and one medium even thought we were married together. It just happened between us and there is no reason whatsoever for it to become a repeat or it's build in.
However i would be open and fair atleast that it could happen, with me or with a partner i am having, that these things happen, i am not gonna hold on to a marriage where love has past just to cling onto things, i have seen it with my parents marriage and i am seeing it with hers.

And i understand some guys who are the married part here might have difficulties with a story from the outsider.
But i believe as most things are things are not always just black or white ,as in good or wrong.
Post edited July 17, 2014 by lugum
Posted July 17, 2014
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Lobsang1979: Lugum, your entire situation reeks to me of self-delusion. You have pretty much revealed the main reason why most people cheat on a partner, and that is because they are unhappy with other aspects of their life that are difficult to change. For example, you have hinted at your poor financial situation and lack of transport which is probably making you unhappy with feelings of stagnation. However, because self improvement is difficult you instead seem to imagine that the key to your future happiness lies with a woman who sneaks around behind her husbands back and is emotionally unstable.

If someone has to cheat on another to be with you, that is not unrequited love. It is having your cake and eating it, as children often want. Childish infatuation is no foundation for a healthy relationship.

If I sound harsh, it is only because I have seen this play out a few times with friends and family. A love triangle is basically the same as taking pleasure in another's misfortune, because your love for one party is no more important than the love felt by the wronged party (husband in this case).

Be an adult and bring this sad story to a conclusion, then take control of your life and improve the bits that you are in control of.
^This times a million.
Posted July 17, 2014
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misteryo: You're not looking for discussion, but you state you think it's wrong to marry and stay faithful?

You won't share your personal situation, but you hope others will share theirs?

What the heck, man?! Have some backbone and some integrity and don't be passive agressive.
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lugum: First, GOG is too public and anyone could see anything posted here once googled, and i already have said certain things, i don't see why going into certain other details would help things.
Second, i am curious specifically about how it ended in these things, i have not reached that point yet, or maybe its heading to the disaster part.
Third i created this thread not to just be mine, but for anyone wanting to share their story (just the ending or the whole thing) if it creates them grieve in some way, i am sure i am not the only one.
Fourth, i have never said marriage is wrong or to stay faithful, contrary for some people it can work, kudos to them, all i am saying it's a rare occasion where one is truely 100% faithful (there are many numbers proving that), and who is to say that marriage is "natural"? we humans invented marriage and alot of other things that may raise questions.
Bah! As others have pointed out, you are headed for disaster and sorrow and regret, and it involves other people. I said "backbone" because you need to decide what you're going to do and do it. Lying, hiding, etc. - this is all spineless behavior. Making your situation into a "sharing" exercise on a gaming forum of all places is equally puddle-like behavior.
Posted July 17, 2014
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lugum: First, GOG is too public and anyone could see anything posted here once googled, and i already have said certain things, i don't see why going into certain other details would help things.
Second, i am curious specifically about how it ended in these things, i have not reached that point yet, or maybe its heading to the disaster part.
Third i created this thread not to just be mine, but for anyone wanting to share their story (just the ending or the whole thing) if it creates them grieve in some way, i am sure i am not the only one.
Fourth, i have never said marriage is wrong or to stay faithful, contrary for some people it can work, kudos to them, all i am saying it's a rare occasion where one is truely 100% faithful (there are many numbers proving that), and who is to say that marriage is "natural"? we humans invented marriage and alot of other things that may raise questions.
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misteryo: Bah! As others have pointed out, you are headed for disaster and sorrow and regret, and it involves other people. I said "backbone" because you need to decide what you're going to do and do it. Lying, hiding, etc. - this is all spineless behavior. Making your situation into a "sharing" exercise on a gaming forum of all places is equally puddle-like behavior.
I am not hiding or lying anywhere, i might have a different opinion to some people here about marriage and such but that doesn't make me hide or lie, i can't be the only one and regardless what numbers there are i wouldn't be the only one or why can't there be an open discussion possible about it? but it's like with alot of touchy subjects here some people always get offended by things and it end up in closure.
I think i already read the answer i believe somewhere in the past, but i don't have to ask if you are married, right?

You don't have to agree with me (nor am i asking anyone else to), but to say bah (thus makes you say its disgusting) and puddle like behavior and the other stuff, it's not necessary.
Post edited July 17, 2014 by lugum
Posted July 17, 2014
I'll tell a story about my brother.

My brother has always been a ladies man. When he finally married, he openly admitted to me that he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stay faithful to his wife, but he was going to try. He managed for about 7 years, until the sexual tension between him and his co-worker got to him. At the same time, he was experiencing some problems in his marriage. He was quick to divorce, re-marry and have a baby.

His new marriage started out well enough, but trouble started when their first child was born. His new wife found she was very unhappy in her new role as a mother, and it reflected on their marriage as well as on the child. After 10 years of marriage, she told him she wanted to leave him and the kids and go with another man. My brother finally understood the pain and misery he had caused to his first wife when he cheated on her, and they met up and he apologized. He did he hardest to fix his marriage and get the mother of his children to stay, and she did. They are still together. If this is a good thing for him, her, or their children, is questionable. In the end, it's very hard to say if my brother would have been happier if he had stayed in his first marriage. I'm guessing both of his wives would have been.

I don't have personal experience on cheating, but I think many/most couples do encounter temptations. It's hard to maintain attraction to a person you share your life with so intimately. Meanwhile you meet beautiful people who still have that air of mystery. What you don't realize is that those beautiful people are just as human as the one you married. They remain attractive as long as you look at them from a distance, but once you are in an actual stable relationship, you'll have to deal with morning breath, snoring, farting, and bad habits. Reality bites, sooner or later.
Posted July 17, 2014
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RaggieRags: Meanwhile you meet beautiful people who still have that air of mystery. What you don't realize is that those beautiful people are just as human as the one you married. They remain attractive as long as you look at them from a distance, but once you are in an actual stable relationship, you'll have to deal with morning breath, snoring, farting, and bad habits. Reality bites, sooner or later.
Amen to this... If you find someone who you really like and with whom you understand each-other, you should do whatever it takes to keep her/him. Otherwise you'll be searching for the right one you're whole life, and never find him/her.
Posted July 17, 2014
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blotunga: Amen to this... If you find someone who you really like and with whom you understand each-other, you should do whatever it takes to keep her/him. Otherwise you'll be searching for the right one you're whole life, and never find him/her.
I would say that if you still really like while understand someone after many years of marriage, you should consider yourself uncommonly lucky!
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This is my favourite topic
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General discussion (archive)Being in love with someone involved, Love Triangles.(60 posts)(60 posts)
(60 posts)