OKAY, my mother out of the kindness of her heart bought me the jeweled case (IS that what they call games that are released at Walmart for $10?) copy of Battlefield 1942. I never played a game from this series, so I thought 'Sounds fun.' After thanking her I installed it. That went well. I clicked on the run shortcut. WELL....
I got a little message that looked like the top image, so I tried unplugging my USB's and tried again. No help. Restarted my computer. Uh..nope. Reinstalled...Nope, same thing. Any idea how the fuck I fix this? Because I would really like to try it out...

I like how so many people's fix is to tell you to buy something else, it's like "oh thanks, I didn't think of that, let me shit out some money."
As for my tip on how to fix it: buy a new computer.

You could always recommend that they win the lottery. Tickets are usually only $1 after all.

Do you have any CD/DVD-Rom optical storage media emulators installed . . .Daemon Tools, Y.A.S.U, Alcohol 120% or AnyDVD, CloneCD etc. etc.?? I think Battlefield 1942 uses Safedisc protection and if it detects any of the above (and others probably) it errors out.
Might try this http://www.gameburnworld.com/gp/gamefixes/battlefield1942.shtml (cough . . .at your own risk . . .cough)
Edit: Google UnSafeDisc if you want a real workout . . .=^ )

Now I'll be useful, are you on an ATI card? http://forums.gamespy.com/main_battlefield_1942/b49138/19583186/r19663953/
I just saw you have an ATI card, on that forum I think they reverted to older drivers and it worked.
And at the end some other guy points to this, maybe either of these forums have the solution http://forums.whirlpool.net.au/forum-replies-archive.cfm/892099.html

I am surprised the fixed exe from gamburnworld doesn't work. You downloaded the correct version of the fixed exe (scanned for viruses), renamed your old exe, copied the fixed exe to the same folder as the original exe and it didn't work?

Oh, that I will try. Why did you say it was risky?

Well, any fixed.exe is risky as you don't know who fixed it, but I have had good luck with theirs, worked well to get my copy of Hellgate running ($60 wasted). Just make sure you download the right version for your game, usually highest version at bottom and scan it for viruses, rename old, replace with fixed, run game.
Edit: Safedisk starts the debugger.

Okay, downloaded and sent it to 2 of my favorite online virus scanners. Nothing detected by Malware Bytes, nor Panda...seems fine to me. If it works I will love you always (No homo intended.).
Now it can't find some dll file...Oh well, I'm fixing to give up.

Only two more suggestions and I'm done. Reboot and try it
Or. . . uninstall the game . . . reinstall the game . . . don't run it after install . . . switch exe's . . . run game
No other suggestions if those fail, sorry
Edit: legal copy, no illegal software, DRM is wonderful is it not?

If you're going the 'fixed exe' way google GCW. Make sure the fixed exe you're downloading matches whatever version of the game you have.
Also, if you're on an AMD , i think there was some fix about renaming a file in the system32/drivers folder or something like that. If you're on AMD, post back and i'll try to look for specifics...

Yeah I have AMD.

This may be of help as well, good luck
http://www.tweaktown.com/articles/420/battlefield_1942_tweak_guide/index3.html