What did zero say to eight?

Nice belt!

I picked up some good joke in my safari hunting days. Good times. I shot an elephant in my pyjamas once. How he got in my pyjamas I'll never know....

:D

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Two men were on hunting trip and by some accident one happened to hit the other with his shot.
So the shooter takes his cellphone and calls the emergency center:
Dude: "Help me! I was hunting with my friend, but I hit him pretty badly. I think ive killed him."
Emergency dude: "Dont worry! Just keep calm. First make sure your friend is really dead."
Dude: "Okey, just wait a second!"
(a shot is heard at the background)
Dude: "Ok, he is dead now. What should i do next?"

Always give 100%. Unless you are giving blood.

There was a kidnapping at the local high school this past week.

The teacher noticed and woke him up.

Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can go to sleep with a light on.

And wake up with the other one.

Time to add a couple of evil jokes about lawyers! I think I heard those two in the film "The Rainmaker", so they are a bit old... but nevertheless tasty!

-How do you find out when a lawyer is lying? He opens his mouth!

-Do you know the difference between a lawyer and a whore? The latter stops screwing you when you're dead!

A fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide. One day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing.

"Yes, but you know how I love to fish..."

"But aren't you newlyweds supposed to be into something else?"

"Yes, but she's got gonorrhea; and you know how I love to fish"

A few hours later, "I understand, but that's not the only way to have sex."

"I know, but she's got diarrhea; and you know how I love to fish..."

The following day: "Sure, but that's still not the only way to have sex."

"Yeah, but she's got phyrrea; and you know how I love to fish..."

Late that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated: "I guess I'm not sure why you'd marry someone with health problems like that."

"It's 'cause she's also got worms; and you know I just love to fish..."

Stolen from another forum:

The English football team visited a Brazilian orphanage.

"It was really sad to see no hope on their faces," João, 6, said.

Read this one recently:

George R. R. Martin, Joss Whedon and Steven Moffat walk into a bar...
... and every one you love dies.

"You do not hit a man With glasses. You should hit Him With baseballbat."

Q: What do you call a black woman who has had seven abortions?

A: A crime fighter.

Do you know how copper wire was invented?
Two Jews were fighting over a penny.