Banned for not inviting me. No wait, bad idea...
Banned for not warning me about it.

Banned for asking me to spoil the surprise.

Banned for jumping out of the cake early.

Banned for having your cake and biting me.

Banned because you had your cake, and its eating you, too.

Banned for introducing flesh-eating confectionary into the forum, you malevolent sorceror.

Banned for using magic to get brooms to start cleaning by themselves.

Banned for accusing someone of witchcraft, and not even in the baseless allegations topic!

Banned for discriminating against evil aligned GOG characters.
edit: banning myself for being slow.

Banned for confusing reality with a Dungeons and Dragons roleplaying-game, you seem to have trouble keeping reality and fiction distinct, we don't want you attacking other users because you think they're ogres or beholders.

Banned for having a lack of imagination. I'm a three-eyed beholder myself, and you'll never be able to prove that I'm not!

Banned, because a beholder with only three eyes is pretty ridiculous, I bet the other beholders with their arrays of eyestalks are mocking you all the time!

Banned because the importance of eye quantity is in the eye(s) of THIS beholder.

Banned because I'm sure you are three cyclopes disguising as one beholder. Cyclopes are not allowed in here.

Banned, because cyclopes could be useful in our war against Steam, they could eat many Steam cultists.