hi, all.

i hope, i beg anyone with powers to block or delete this to not doing so. this is one of my last attempts in reverting a stream of events that are eroding my Life, my dreams and my work, and i hope this touches a few of you towards a solution.

it shouldn't be, for anyone, at any time, this hard finding a decent job to Live from. it shouldn't be this game of madness to find someone to have a happy family with, and face the face with dignity. we shouldn't be constricted to such atrocious rules clearly exposed by the recent GameStop episode, and we certainly shouldn't be so atrociously ruled by sociopaths completely ignoring their people's needs in the name of democracy.

i tried my best, for last 25 or more years, to make a difference. in the last four, i finally ellaborated a model through which it could be possible to alleviate the effects of the maddening spiral that is taking over the world, just to find myself ignored, abandoned, misunderstood or betrayed by the same people who are being held captive for so many years, and i'm finally seeing my ruin to rise my despair.

i don't know what else i could do. i still have the plans and the entire concept, but with no organic support, with no involvement at all, i have no more strengths to keep going.

i see what the gaming industry can do, i see the abuses you guys are being victim of and i'd really like to invite you to take a step backwards and revise your priorities. no, i'm not suggesting that gaming is bad or anything along those lines, but please... consider talking to me, offering your commitment in making your loved titles better to something that really can impact the reality and at any point i promise you... even gaming experience can benefit of what i'm up to.

it shouldn't be this hard to find friendly people to play with. it shouldn't be this hard to see companies doing their best to deliver memorable experiences instead of this endless stream of disappointment and frustration, resulting in more profit concentration in the hands of a few who really do not deserve in disfavor of an entire ecosystem which is firing fathers and mothers as the share is not being reached as a result not only from this global disaster which is disgracing our Lives as it's falling by their own corporative greedy.

instead of selling handkerchiefs, which is a very common image that's guiding the minds of millions all over the world, and the reasons are well known but we are finally facing the consequences by taking that position, i tried to not allow people suffering. i refuse to accept it's too late. no, we're not even close to what the future is reserving for us, the majority. but i'm at my personal limits. and i'm asking for help.

sorry for this. i really don't know what else i can do. not alone.

I don't know, how exactly do you think users here could help you? Maybe it's me, but I didn't really get from your comment what's your problem and what you would like people to do.

at this point i'm not really sure on what to ask or expect, morolf. i just wanted to find a decent job, a bunch of friends to play with, supportive people to build some social projects with, and my Sacred Love.

it's all being emptiness, deception, lies, shallowness. abandonment. i'm tired.

I'm not sure if there are any games that we both play that we could play together but I just wanted to say this: I'm in a relatively similar position. I know how it feels, it sucks. I've been trying to build a career for myself as an entrepreneur but I can't even seem to find a decent job that wouldn't make me more miserable than I am now. I'm working to set myself up as a freelancer but realistically-speaking, I'm probably not going to make enough from that to start a business unless I'm able to come up with a business idea that'd be a good starter. It seems like everything I try to do is weighed down by lofty ambitions that I can't achieve yet, along with my apparent inability to come up with smaller goals that I can pursue in the meantime.

Anyways, I don't mean to make this about me but I would be utterly miserable and hopeless without my faith, family, games, books, music and, yes, Star Wars. Mileage may vary with those things but the best thing you can do is to find something that can give you hope. It may not necessarily be any of those things I just listed but you have to keep searching and another thing you could do: always look for at least one good thing in any situation. Believe me, this past year has turned me into a bit of a cynic but I still try to find some sort of silver lining... that's way easier said than done nine times out of ten but it's something you really have to try to do.

Best wishes in finding what you're searching for!

hi, Jakob.

yes, it sucks. hard. i'm sure if a small number come up with a positive attitude, i still may find some strenght and try a bit more, but... not alone. not again. yes, I am finally finding some helpful people around me but they are quite limited too, this health global madness we've thrown is destroying the rest of resources and confidence for a good number of us but again... i do believe, and that's commom sense, we can come up with something for the benefit of all.

i don't know if, when or how i could put some effort in the gaming part, right now i'm strggling to check these forums in hopes a few come up being helpful and friendly. add me on Steam, reallyHelp, one day or another i hope i show up and we may find some gaming fun, just for the time being spent together.

i'd really wanted to have some cheerful words to say to you other than these, but... i'm with you. i understand you and i know you understand me. perhaps this can be a key for us to find some answers. we need and deserve answers. Life can't be this disgraceful.

What you need is a therapist, and I don't think any of us are licensed to do that.

This website might be USA only, but I'm sure there's a similar thing for Canadian assistance programs.

When the thread started the OP's position was given as Brazil? Weird. A Canadian in Brazil? Or the other way around?

I agree with your post - this sounds like a serious depression. I do have a lot of experience with that, but professional help would be best, if it can be had (can be hard to find therapy, took me years to find someone).

That's not true in general. But there are bad and good therapists, for sure. There's a lot wrong with people, and always has been. Greed, blind hatred and prejudice have always been. My ancestors built a whole industry for deporting and killing people...

The only thing you can do is find a way to deal with it, and be the best you can. As a single person you can change only yourself, and maybe influence your immediate surrounding.

I know that this is really hard, especially when you're at the bottom and have no energy.

I've been there - not a nice place to be in, is it? If you look at the walls that are closing in on you, you might see a "WinterSnowfall WAZ here" scribble. It is never as bad as it seems, that much I can tell you.

There's no magic to it, no savior that will come to pull you out. You take your time and you climb out of the hole, focus on the things you're passionate about. It may not seem like you have any at the moment, but everyone has something. Since you're here on the GOG forums, I'm assuming computer games are a hobby to some degree. When's the last time you played your favorite game?

Take some time away from the negative things in your life and recharge your batteries. Life is not emptiness, it is what you make of it. You got this.

Having someone to rely on in these trying times is nice, but you won't always have that luxury and may have to do without. Appreciate what others can offer you, but don't expect it. Be your own best friend, as many people tend to forget caring for themselves these days.

As for that "Sacred Love" you mention, don't overthink it. Plan your life regardless and be ready for it when it will come, if it will come. Should you follow it around every corner, it may very well become a mirage and lead you down a spiral of wrong life choices (can you tell I'm speaking from personal experience? :)) Yet, as you can see, I can laugh about it now, though in the past it seemed like the end of the world, something you never recover from. Man needs a damn break I think more than anything else. A therapist can only help you help yourself in the end. But, if you can't get there on your own, it may be worth calling on one to guide you.

thanks for understanding the place i am in, Tom, and thanks for being kind, not... toxic.
yes i do bet in everyone else being nice. it's just... i'm failing to find those around me, and i'm also tired of being the helpful hand just to be left behind or betrayed as soon as they are put stand up again.

i'm not finding reasons why i should continue trying, Tom. that's why i am here.

"WinterSnowfall WAZ here"
>>glad you made it, WinterSnowfall. really glad for you.

"It is never as bad as it seems"
>>i'm tired of YEARS fighting through. YEARS of attempts, LOADS, TONS of attempts. not the same.

"focus on the things you're passionate about"
>>once I helped a small german software company climb up to the top 2 in their industry, Winter. just to be betrayed, again. see? it's the circle, it's the neverending Ouroboros that's finally draining me.

"When's the last time you played your favorite game?"
>>i just picked up some money and spent it on new games. money i'm needing for medicine. i'm trying. believe me... i'm trying the best i can. yes, i'm finally making dumb decisions. perhaps that's what i should did more in my Life... mistakes. but... it's kinda too late to change this, i guess. and it's probably not the reasonable thing to get some effective results.

"it is what you make of it. You got this."
>>being helpful, present, committed, friendly, Lovely... that's all i did my entire Life, almost, Winter. no... i'm afraid you're wrong, here.

"but don't expect it."
>>i'm on a gaming forum, and that's AFTER trying Christian people. a lot.
that may give you some hints.

"don't overthink it [on Sacred Love]."
>>once i escaped with our body clothes on and nothing else, Winter. one another time, i have seek after alternative medicine abroad so we could have her [another person] some diabetes treatment as she was badly ill. that's the kind of person i am. and i'm alone, nonetheless.

"can you tell I'm speaking from personal experience? :))"
>>of course i'm aware that's part of our Journey. but again... i'm exhausted. i need something real to rely on.

"I can laugh about it now"
>>glad you made it. really am. really am.


"if you can't get there on your own, it may be worth calling on one to guide you."
>>that's what i'm doing, here. it sounded the dumbest thing but in the end i'm finding more careful, focused people than in the churches.
being completely honest, here, just for the sake of clarity. should've tried it sooner. perhaps the project part should've be done already, and i'd probably wouldn't fall this down.

i'm trying, guys. i don't want to quit.

Thank you. But this is not my story ;).

Again, I know of what you speak. It's not a contest, of course - we each have our own crosses to bear - but I understand how it can all seem pointless - the feeling your life has been spent for nothing.

Focus on yourself. Companies are something of an illusion I'm afraid and they will never truly care about people. People care about people. Which is why we are having this conversation. Again, I'm not trying so say I'm being nice, just that you should take a step back and see what it all means. You've posted your concerns on a gaming forum, yet people have stepped in trying to help, as much as they can. It's not all darkness and hopelessness in life. There is plenty of hope and meaning as well.

You are trying I think too much. Give yourself a break. We all make mistakes and have to live with them. But you can always rebuild. Always.

I understand. But you should not expect anything in return. I'm not religious, but I did study the Bible in my youth and can tell you Jesus never did. Alas, we are only human, but it's a worthy anecdote at the very least.

And I am glad you are here. We have our own trolls, but you're mainly among friends.

Life is never fair, this is why you must always make sure you never do anything you may regret later. Helping yourself and caring for yourself is the first step in being able to help others.

You can and should always rely on yourself. It sounds like you've had a life with achievements as well, not only disappointment. Do not belittle yourself just because others chose to do so.

Did I make it? Perhaps. I still have to live with it every day... and there are bad days. There are also things I've found that make it all worthwhile, even if it all ends up in dust and ashes. We must all strive to find those things in our lives.

I don't want to comment on faith, because that is a very personal thing, a life choice if you can call it that. Organized faith however is just another sort of establishment. It's the individuals that may try to help you how they can, but a church as an institution can only prescribe you what they have on the shelf. It's not for everyone.

Perhaps this is where you err. Take a break from trying. Stop thinking about the mess you are in and just take a few moments and watch a sunset on your porch or someplace you go to which is nice, like a park with a nice overview. You may have reached a state in which getting any progress is impossible because you're not in a state of mind which can allow you to progress. You first need to get back to where you can see over the horizon, but that can only come with time sometimes. Tomorrow will be bad, and the day after tomorrow will also be bad, but at some point it will start being better.

As to what can keep you going - only you can answer that I'm afraid. But I'm sure you can do it and that you will. Other people can only tell you what kept them going, if you're curious to know, but we are not all alike and it may not make much sense to you.

I know what it's feeling that way, I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder and Chronic Depression 5 years ago, first step is recognize you need help, can talk about it is really good for you and your recover but nothing replaces professional help. We all been through a deep crisis with all this corona sh*t, I also have a small job as a freelancer, repair and sell computer parts, but with all the situacion the low stock, the price risings and the absurd high taxes of my country I been struggling to have enough money for me and my expenses, even started to work in a bar during night and with this new wave and restictions just complicated my work, I know what you are getting through, gaming also help me to control my anxiety but that is just a distraction, it won't erradicate the problem, talk with a doctor, a psychologist, they will give you a lot of advices. We are always stronger than we though, you have been through a lot and still are fighting, don't give up, you will get out of this!!!!

"the feeling your life has been spend for nothing."
>>i have no one to give my thousands of books to, nor my careully handpicked digital stuff spread over some tens of HDDs. i'm seriously thinking on making a second post so i have options to give away my gaming accounts, some built just for the sake of the failed projects, one for the covid loneliness. it's amazing how not supportive people are, even in times of a global crisis.
that's part of my own crisis.

once i offered a friend the burden of my Life's work. never had an answer.

recently a girlfriend got pregnant, just to tell me months later she lost the baby. no one knows about either, and now it's public. here.

yes, I guess my Life has been spent for nothing.

"Focus on yourself", "...people care about people. Which is why we are having this conversation. Again, I'm not trying so say I'm being nice, just that you should take a step back and see what it all means. You've posted your concerns on a gaming forum, yet people have stepped in trying to help, as much as they can. It's not all darkness and hopelessness in life. There is plenty of hope and meaning as well."
>>i'm trying my best in finding some Light in all of these, Winter. but... not alone. not again. not without real hopes.

"Give yourself a break. We all make mistakes and have to live with them. But you can always rebuild. Always."
>>not after the millionth time, Winter.
see? i have a background of attempts, trials, losses, projects, Lovers, companies... no, I'm not a loser, I made difference for a lot of people. a lot. i am failing to change my own Life. my parents'. capital "L", see? just to see myself in this hopeless black hole, watched closely by a black dog.

"you should not expect anything in return."
>>no, i never did. it's just the complete emptiness that's ruining my strengths.

"And I am glad you are here. We have our own trolls, but you're mainly among friends."
>>yes, i'm seeing it. i'm glad the trolls are keeping themselves at bay and, guys, thank you for respecting me in any way. i'm really not in position of fighting you nor anything else, chances are I'd just... get away.

and my deepest 'thanks' to the ones careful enough in stepping forward in attempts to offer some relief. i'd really like to tell you i'd do something for the ones in need, i'm struggling to think about something so we may find some answers for our needs. yes, i have one idea or two. but...

"Life is never fair... Helping yourself and caring for yourself is the first step in being able to help others."
>>it shouldn't be this way. we shouldn't accept that as a terminal fact. and i tried hard offering an alternative.
and now, i'm ultimately failing.

[to be continued...]