Glad to hear we share the same faith! But yeah, I can tell you from first-hand experience: life as a Christian doesn't always result in constant happiness. We should strive to find joy even among the darkness but that's easier said than done. I guess it just gets back to the simple beauty of faith and trust: continuing to believe what we believe, even when we don't feel it.

Well at least you're starting to make some here....that's a start, right? :)

"I'm sorry you feel so bad about your life."
>>don't get me wrong, and this will be awkward to explain...
i'm a great guy, helpful, careful, cheerful, and so on. i have more than i could possibily enjoy in my entire Life, concerning nerdy stuff [books, games, movies, majorly], i had some absolutely incredible Love stories [and i HATE not having my own family, nonetheless - which i tried hard, with each and every one of those amazing girls], and... i used to be grateful for all of those things.

now i'm broken, lonely and sad, and i'm losing any sense on how to rebuild, even questioning myself on why to rebuild, as the world, at least the world around me, seems completely changed, small, selfish, cruel to the minimum details. and i have no one to rely on. i mean... a small number talks to me, but they are in no position of offering any solutions, the one who could, is just... busy enough to try.

and i don't know what else i could do, having proposed partnership and the likes to quite a number of individuals and groups just to receive nothing in response.


"Just that I recognize some of the things you describe."
>>thanks for honestly trying. i hope it comes the day people when people won't need to 'feel' the way a person is so they start moving, and i made my best trying to make this day sooner.

"one day at a time"
>>i've been doing this for quite a long time, now. and i'm tired, finally. my fear is, will my end be like in The Fog's last scene? will the help come when it's terminally too late? IS THERE any help to expect, in a world like this around me? anyway, i'm tired. i'm fighting hard to stay in this laptop, which is also failing, answering each and every one the best i can in hopes someone come up with something. but... well, i'm trying.

"one day you'll say that is all in the past."
>>this january i thought the whole thing was to be solved, family and everything else.
all gone wrong. again.
my first post in this thread was written almost 2 months ago. i tried the last things i could think of, the crazyest ideas too. nothing. i can't keep up this way.

"Here are some things I'll leave for your consideration that I think helped me in my darkest moments:"
>>believe me, tried them all. especially the 'being useful' bit. ultimately it converted into a source of problems and sadness.

pets? no, i refuse to walk this way. if i need to forget humanity as my primary source of friendship and care, them all is really lost. and yes, i got it, you're not recommending it, either. i just wanted to say it clear.

"realize there are many people in greater need than you."
>>i also refuse to be happy by considering someone else's suffering. it's not fair to either, and it's a cheap lie our society tells all around to make themselves comfortable by doing nothing. please, don't get offended - it's a common sense and i'm aware of it as well as it's clear how disgraceful this thought can be in the end. let's measure it by the ending results...

"And maybe you'll meet like-minded people with other kind of sensibility in the process."
>>well... i tried it, the insitute thing was my attempt. only to get a crude notion on how selfish and uncompromised people can be. one time i got in touch with seven or eight pastors and church leaders, one leading six churches and his 'pastoral' work was exactly collecting food for hungry people. no one sent a single plate of a meal to a starving old lady.

that kind of stuff is breaking me entirely.

"best advise I can provide is to start now because these fears are driving you to be less confident in your ability to achieve your goal."

>>precisely. and this is what i'm trying, here, 'coz i really don't know what else i could possibly do.

"Do not say you cannot, there is nothing stopping you except yourself and your thoughts."

>>lack of money? lack of friends to rely on? lack of a realistic plan? lack of trust? lack of a caring Love? i even thought on streaming and tell the world about the project... my laptop is a 6 years dying machine, i'm learning streaming does require two well oiled rigs, my now apparent lack of confidence may compromise my possible audience...

and now i'm on the 40's it's evident i'm not able for any job.
40 being the cutoff point, guys, Life expectancy being of 70/80 years. as you can tell, my CV may tell a thing or two.

i really don't know what to do.
hope so.

really hope so...

It would be more a secondary source of those things, and not a primary one....sort of something to boost one's spirits a bit more until they find that primary source(or sources).

(and yeah, not pushing for it....just a humble suggestion...do with it as you will :))

To clarify/explain: It's less being happy by considering other's suffering, and more about more being thankful for what one has.

Idea: maybe they have regulations to follow as to who gets their aid and how(food safety regulations, financial regs, etc)?

Of course that should be no excuse, but such people might be constrained by regulations and laws as to how they can help people.


You could put up recorded videos on YT and other sites with a cheap microphone and webcam(if your laptop doesn't have either), if you wanted....just an idea. :)

"So, you were trying to start a charity and it didn't work out? [...] Did you try reaching out for government assistance, once you realized you were in trouble?"

>>govt. is part of the problem. anyway, i can't find any assistance i could make use of.

and yes, we actually did a tiny bit. to my surprise, not enough to mobilize people so we could show the idea's full potential.

"The thing is, if you want to help others, then you need to help yourself first."
>>well... now i finally have no options.

"You talk about starving families but also 'helping companies'. I assume these are different endeavors you tried?"
>>yes, in different moments. i just tried to gather the knowledge and logic from the market into providing a self sustainable model through which this 2.5 enterprise could make a real difference, both influencing companies under our control so they were quite a lot more 'humane' as well as making NGOs a tad more committed, so others wouldn't have to pass through the difficulties i had in helping people via those institutions.

"The motivation is to help others."

>>the motivation is shifting reality, Time.
the current model is deranging into a dystopian society, and it's already clear to everyone how bad this can be. not from literature, not from pop culture, but in their own houses and relationships. we must act. now.

and yes, i'm aware, you don't believe in such things. please think again. you're the one running a boycott on CDPR. you don't have the right to be hopeless for a needed systemic change.


"Verbal agreements and 'honor systems' are worth nothing."

>>that's something i'm having to consider. and no, it won't be easy for me, you may already guess my reasons.

"I think you and I see things a bit more eye-to-eye than you think."

>>hi, kohlrak. so i hope.

"I think the first mistake is somehow accepting this conflation for democracy [...] The thing is, most people can't see this"

>>my bet was, after proving them [the people] that together, REALLY putting our best efforts in our own sake, letting the entire pack of lies aside, we could build the welfare non-state we need in order to SURVIVE. we are already in times of survival, and it's not because of the covid, the covid is just another step towards absolute control. and no, i'm not automatically aligned to conspiracionist bs, i did my research in order to understand what's going on with the world and what we could reasonably do towards making something, anything about it. it seems i've failed to find 'neutral' people, aware of this situation and able to work our way around it, in an orderly, truly democratic manner.

"this, i think, is the real mystery of the current age."

>> 'age of darkness', as an old [now forgotten] friend used to say on behalf of his own [honest] esoteric [not 'new age' bs, it's... hard to explain here] group.

"but we sure as hell aren't comfortable anymore, as indicated by this post."

>>i ask myself if there's a limit for people's tolerance. china proves there's none. brazil proves there's none. and i'm ultimately convincing myself it's just not worth my efforts, which in conclusion makes me this sad. yes, i can't Live in a world like this, and i am shouting out loud so if there's a single like-minded soul able to help, please do so, so we may have a chance together.

"we're in an age where anyone can make their own game with things like unity."

>>which is why i [also failed in trying] tried to gather some game makers and build ourselves a way out of this. is this my last attempt? all tells it so.

"it's slowly getting harder to make games and your own programs"

>>that's another reason why i also incorporated the anti-cloud mindset, fighting against online-only/games-as-a-service, ultimately any mandatory streaming-only model or anything remotely controlled. but... gamers won't mind it, the corrupted industry proving they'll do anything they want, gamers will support.

weird.

"because you need political interest to see something's happening"

>>altruism would suffice. altruism would save us all...

"you need the coding knowledge to see what it means"

>>in the end, conding skills would help understanding the way everything's deranging. but as you said, some political interest is needed, and since politics is also corrupted along everything else, altruism was my bet.

"It's going to get really ugly really fast, here."

>>it took a mere virus to change everything. 9/11, another step. now it's clear people won't react because of the usual suspects, not that entertainment is bad per se!, but since the entire system made Idiocracy possible, yes, now things WILL get ugly really fast. current situation is just a tip.

"where as good people being despirate just means we're in a race to the bottom."

>>it's a demonic system built on top of insanity.

it doesn't have to be like that...!

"help others who would much rather have a new way of looking at the world"

>>i'm failing to do, eihter. that's why i am here, asking for help...

"In a way it's our fault. We allowed things to get this way."

>>i didn't. i only buy games that are complete, of course they are mostly years old, i refuse to give away real Life info to any 'service' out there, no credit card is stored in any store [despite the inconvenience], i refuse to support greedy companies, i tell everyone my practices and now they make sense to them - finally, after the CDPR bubble, people are waking.

perhaps this is the time for 'my ideas' [which in fact are not mine, they're just common sense a single brain cell needed to come up with] to grow, but... i'm failing to be listened. and yes, to anyone's guessing, English is not my mother tongue, which kinda make things worse since my own country fellows are lazy or busy [just like anyone in the world, let's be clear!] enough to commit.

"This comment in particular i find interesting. Where the hell are you looking?"

>>let's pick this one: Steam's my major platform, i do not own consoles, galaxy's not an option, nor any other one [origin and uplay in mind]. at the early stages of covid, i offered to be a game partner for the ones suffering from isolation. had two or three sessions out of it, despite my efforts and commitment in being online, ready to play the other person's favorite titles!

once i asked for more people to join, one told me it looked like a job.

the other day i noticed quite a few people interested in playing 'x' game [Need for Speed Rivals/Hot Pursuit, Insane 2, Carmageddon Max Damage and Vector Thrust, to name a few], so i announced that at day 'y', 'z' time i'd be hosting. no one showed up. for 2 or 3 weekends, varied times.

once i found a bunch of guys and finally we got regular in playing Rainbow Six Vegas 2 and Left 4 Dead 2 [which is not a problem finding sessions for], the former being interesting: despite my ping being a tad high for them and Vegas 2 being stale network-wise, sometimes people would wait in queue just to play in sessions i was hosting, they liking my play style and friendliness. now Vegas 2 is dead [yes, I HATE corporate server based gaming!], and... well, i like to play other genres, too.

something for the trolls...
once i joined a group, 'friends... care'. they didn't cared.

"I'd like to know why my experience is different from yours."

>>this is something that's really bothering, kohlrak. not on gaming... Life in general, as you can tell.

lightinsilence at the G/thing, in case anyone needs a personal contact.

"The corporate bullshit here is our fault."

>>so it's up to us to start rebuilding it, i guess.
not only guessed, but am failing in trying something about it.

"Someone needs to get on the math of this and find out how this system is screwing us financially"

>>and it's not that hard. it's in our faces, each and every day. and i think it's just as simple as deciding to do something about it, instead of suffering from it. but it will not work if the two of us just talk about it, nor the 'audience' fails to step forward in their our interest.

"there's no way everyone's retirement funds are getting better"

>>ask executives for an answer. ask billionaires, corrupt politics, big sharks and greedy owners. bankers worldwide. it's working, for them. and they act in their own interests, as much as we fail in doing the same. "it's. just. simple", to quote your neighbour.

"figure out where the damn sinkhole is and explain it to people, because this is an obvious trap and scam."

>>there are people doing this already. and the populace won't listen because no effort is being made in gathering efforts in pointing them an effective solution. they have no reasons to get themselves into something. my efforts were towards that... and failed to get an audience among leaders, amidst this provoked crisis, rounded by people sick of lies and having their own share of lack of confidence. i don't know what else i could do, alone, so here i am.

"people aren't suffering enough so the powers that be are cooking us like frogs."

>>i'm afraid it's far beyond hot, already. i'm afraid i'm discovering people are dead, already.

yes, i'm talking to you, reading this. can't you really do something? anything? will you completely ignore that everything's being discussed concerns YOU and YOUR world, and i'm just the one shouting out loud we all shouldn't accept any of this?

no, this is not a play, this is not a social experiment, i am not a youtuber trying to prank anyone, i am a real person struggling to find reasonable reasons to continue, refusing anything that's just another illusion.
we were instructed, carefully handled towards accepting such things are 'normal', and now the rope is tighter. but... it's normal, the entire world is suffering and... see? there are people happier than you who have no internet... no schooling... no job... no food... no medicine... no clothing... no one to lean on... no HUMAN REFERENCES [and that's the point we're already in!]... but it's ok. it's normal being a zombie working for the system. after all we're having no LIFE but it's normal, there's someone dead around us to tell it could be worse.

"We must see that we're in a pot of boiling water."

>>no, kohlrak, this is not being enough. people do know the problem their Lives are. they need answers. we need to find those answers. together. this is what i'm asking you guys, here. it's not all about me. no one seemed to care reading the website, at least no one commented about it, but we need to unite.

the original post was deleted and I understand the reasons, either from moderators or from the author himself.

anyway I'd like to urge mods to keep this answer so that person gets reached and we may be able to contact him, if something actually rises from all of this.

this is my original message, almost intact except for minor needed edit i forgot doing.

hi, BROTHER.
i have other messages to reply but a quick overview told me i'd need to look at you first.

in a good manner. i'm ignoring the ones really out of the scope of this attempt and yes, i may simply miss a relevant one as it already happened.

"You think YOU HAVE PROBLEMS"

>>it's not a dispute. nor i'm more important than others nor anything. i'm reaching for help but as i'm speaking and other are actually listening, there's more to it than my umbilical self.

"1.) I have Asperger's Syndrome"

>> it tells [and i'm not being cynic, here]

"2.) I was mauled at high school..."

>> it amazes me how cruel the schooling system can be at times but they're just part of a whole. having no one to blame doesn't mean it's ok no one having to respond. as for you, i'm really sorry... just wished i could've been there for you and my entire fight is towards that, amplifying the chances of always having someone who actually CARES around, adults or kids. i am deeply sorry for you and if you think i can be of personal help, trying to mobilize people around you [yes, I've seen you're 37 now], i'll do my best despite all my past failures, while i can.

"3.) My parent..."

>> again, we should have answers for that. at a certain point we had an ex-FBI telling she would help importing their techniques so we could prevent a lot of violent stuff. no efforts actually made.

"5.) I got bashed at 21 and received 5% physical Brain Damage"

>> is there any treatment you're getting for your condition? anything being possible to restore you in any way? this is the internet, i'm far from making promises, but if i can reach out for something in your favor, i will. and i hope readers join us on this.

"6.) Then I have smart arses here... because I supported GAMERGATE and hated Anita"

>> we're facing the demons we're allowing to grow. one of my propositions was to build this web based, 'real Life reaching' supportive community which instead of flags and hate was built on top of friendliness, forgiveness, understanding but action-driven. i'm failing. but... i'm still here.

"7.) Then I witnessed..."

>> i'm sorry. really am. have you reached for psychological help? you've been to quite a lot, and i'm sure the right one can do something for your goodness [yes, guys, i am aware they CAN'T do something FOR me!, they have their limits of operation]

"8.) Have a Sister that is Autistic Sister makes noises ALL THE TIME"

>> have you tried those apparels apparently simple, a single plastic piece, which can do miracles for situations like this?

"My life and all my Hopes, Dreams and Desires ARE F**king DESTROYED!"

>> i wish i could have this institute already running, this idea already spread, this friendly network already set so i could reach you in almost any situation you described, BROTHER. and a dying light on me still insists in hoping a number of you will hear us here and gather round offering help, the kind of help that mobilizes greater numbers, so we can have solutions, effective solutions to offer.

i'm sorry i'm failing.

I wish everyone much success and good fortune.

I was very fortunate to find someone to spend my life with at an early age. I'm an older gentlemen that has been video gaming since the early 80's. Raised many children and now I have grandchildren. I wish I could say let's link up and play games online but I just don't play online with strangers. I still game with some of the ppl I met in the 80's in the arcade and friends plus family. Supporting one another has helped in many hardships but how I met these people was very unconventional.

Prior to the pandemic I was very active in the local scenes around me. LUGs (Linux User Groups), LAN Gaming Groups, Local boardgames/TCGs at comic shops and community centers. I also have some non-gaming hobbies in which I engage with local groups for those too: cycling, fitness, kick boxing, basketball, skateboarding and what not. A lot of this stuff is free also. I always encourage donating as needed/requested. I played Quake/UT99 from late 90's to 2019 with some of these groups and it's always been a blast.

As things re-open I would encourage anyone who games but is feeling isolated and does not have anyone to game with to check out what's around you. My wife and I have found a bunch of excellent groups to be a part of. I've broken bread with many of these ppl and it's a great way to network and play. Online gaming just does not work for me unless I'm playing with ppl I know. So I often just stick to local MP/SP games til LAN events came up. It's only now with the pandemic that I entered online gaming in 2020 but I'm OK with saying goodbye to it once everything opens up again.

I'm not a college educated person, I went to a lot of free certification programs (A+, Network+, LFCS and more) and found work using stuff like that or via networking. Even now as the pandemic has hit a lot of certs are free online from Google Workplace certification to LFCS2 and others. I snatch those up and add them to my aging resume. Some are location based (must reside in such and such) others are not.

I hope this helps and I'm rooting for you all to be well and strong.

That's what came to my mind too. Get some sun light (if possible).

guys, i NEED to take a break but i insist, i WILL reply any meaningful post i can. and no, as you can see this is not aiming to be a fruitless discussion or plain generic talk or rant.
i'm already being contacted by people willing to help any way they can, even for the smallest bit of the shopping issues i had, and one of you is already telling his/her friends about this.

this cannot be in vain.

depending on me, counting on you, this will not be in vain.

thanks for listening, people. this is the real power of the internet. and we should and will put it to way more stuff, i'm sure we will find ways.

thank you.

i'm beginning to feel HOPE. and weirdly, i'm beginning to share some hope, too. thanks.

Don't push yourself. Take your break.

Best thing about this is: If you take your time, and then come back, you'll see who really cares or who won't even remember you.

Just remember two things:

1) You are not alone. There are people out there who can relate. Who have been through similar stuff, and who made it through and found peace. Finding them and connecting might not be the easiest task, but not the hardest either.
2) On the internet - as in real life - you will fall for frauds, people who claim to care, but really just want to feel important for themselves. It happens, and most of the time those people are poor sods with low self-esteem themselves. Those people will let you down. You will be disappointed by some.
But don't feel betrayed by all of humanity. There are people out there who genuinely care, and who'll really believe in you, if you let them.

Take your break, you deserve it. You need it to find the strength within. Posting on the internet can be a good way to vent. Also a good way to feel around for like-minded people, but it's also a distraction stealing focus, if you start to feel pressed to answer posts and messages. If that happens, walk away. Those who understand you won't mind. I've been in that place before - the best thing is to let it rest for a while, and reflect. The internet can be both: A great place to find support and a life-draining addiction, and weirdly, at the same time.

i'm doing it, Tom.

i was up for a second round of answers today but... i'm weak. i really need to rest.

i'll answer you all, both public and private messages. but i really need some pacing.

i'm trying to keep an eye on more messages so urgent ones may have a prompt response. but i'm also physically tired as my laptop sits on this table, linked to some usb 'life support'. not practical, as ergonomy is a luxury i don't have today.

thanks for the kind words. i'll read them calmly again, later.