This is very well said. There is nothing you can do single-handedly to change society, to change how people are, human nature. All we can do is to affect the way we act and respond/deal with others. Focus on the things you can control.

You should never expect to receive anything from a company, except what you have written down in writing in a legal contract with them. Even if it is run by your best buddy. Never expect a company to do something for you out of decency or the goodness of their hearts - companies are immune to such human sentimentality. There are plenty of cases of co-founders of companies getting pushed out by other co-founders, board members, investors with an agenda. Heck, 'going into business together' has torn enough families, marriages and close friendships apart, I would be surprised if there aren't books about it!

Learn this lesson now, if you haven't already.

Get it in writing. Always. (and, get a lawyer)

I have had low moments at a few points in my life, and it has been the kindness of others(family/friends) that has helped me through a number of things. If you ever just want to chat, i'm often willing to listen..either on the forums or via PM.

(if you want, feel free to add me as a friend by hovering over my name and clicking the add friend button)

sorry, i don't know how to properly quote as decently as you're doing, Winter. nearly 20 years in the computing industry and i still feel dumb with basic stuff, sometimes.

"You can and should always rely on yourself."
>>don't know what to say. i'm just... tired.

"I still have to live with it every day..."
>>once i found this badly depressed girl, we used to play an fps game she was fond of in a non violent manner, kind of hide and seek. let me know if/when i can be of any help, if you find this sad guy can be of any hope. this applies to any of you reading this. "reallyHelp" on steam, this being a support account i have. i'm not into gaming these days but pm me here if you need some company, i'll come up with something.

"...just another sort of establishment. It's the individuals", "a church as an institution can only prescribe you what they have on the shelf. It's not for everyone."
>>that's the key for what i was after, Winter. i tried badly to gather the best of both worlds as individuals have quite some large limits on what they can achieve in helping others. my own story proved me that.

"Take a break from trying."
>>sorry, but this is just a phrase, written in self help books. taking a break will really make things worse. and that's what's funny... i'm trying hard not to stop, but finally stopping after burning up all my ideas.
unfair.

"a state in which getting any progress is impossible because you're not in a state of mind which can allow you to progress."
>>i clearly see this, and that's why i'm here.

"only you can answer that, I'm afraid."
>>me, too.

Hey aDyingLight, thanks for taking the time to write and share your emotions, I can imagine it's not easy to do so, especially when you don't find yourself in the best of places.

As others have stated, seeking professional advice could be the more appropriate way to get back on track, and I'd say that going somewhere and establishing a new relationship with someone else could also be very beneficial in these situations.

If my experience is anything to go by or if it could proof helpful to you in any way, I have learned that the best way to come back to reality as much as possible is by feeling useful, active, and through having interactions with other people in real life. It may be a bit counterintuitive, but the best solution to apathy and tiredness I've found is to move when possible, do stuff, go somewhere, etc. The rush of energy may not last long but it might be enough to propel yourself a tiny bit forward every day.

And if you're new here just know that this is an awesome community and you'll find lots of nice people around, even the trolls are usually pretty fun. We're here to help too :) (I'm not a troll btw, lol).

The problem with most free/cheap professional help is that they mainly just nod and write things down until the clock runs out, and then shunt you to a pill doctor who then puts you on enough meds to try and mask the problems.

There is better help out there, of course, but it's usually expensive, and I am guessing Op might not be able to afford it.

Besides that, I believe that a friend lending a sympathetic ear and some kind words of advice can be as good if not better in some cases than the above kinds of help.

Damn.. I don't know what to say, I'm just very sorry for what is happening in your life.
But please don't give up, you fought so far, don't waste all your life efforts. : (

The things we collect in life rarely will have meaning to other people. And that's how it works and it makes sense for it to work, if you think about it. There have been emperors that have spent their entire life on a legacy to leave for their children, and yet their children did not want it or ever asked for it.

I am sorry to hear that. It must be tough. And what I am about to say may sound harsh, but your life is to a large degree your own. You may have a wife, children, a large and happy family and lots of friends (in an ideal world), yet you would still have to account for your own person. If anything, life is a storm that rocks the boat and casts people in many directions. Sometimes this is sad, sometimes it is a happy moment, when you run across a fellow castaway and share a few thoughts together. Wink wink ;).

I assure you it has not all been for naught, even if it is hard to see it now. I'm sure some people remember you in a good way, though you might not be aware of it. You also have to remember not a lot of people are good at expressing emotions, or may be reluctant to do so because... well, you know already, I don't need to tell you.

That big black dog is only a thing your mind has made up. I can give you again an example from history - it is said in the time of Saladin, his generals prided themselves in their own compulsion and inner peace. Their battles would take a turn for the worse, yet they still acted admirably and logically. They would be captured and tortured and threatened, yet they would still see the world through calm, logical eyes, to the very end. Because, they said, life is not something you can control, but your reaction to it is always within your control.

Strength will come back if you will allow it. That means spending time away from things.

There you go again, being too hard on yourself :).

It may sound like just a phrase, but it's how I dealt with it (largely) and can tell you it usually works. It may not seem like it now, but I hope one day you'll look back to it and see it is true. As with most things, taking the first step is usually the hardest.

It's your own quest. That you will succeed in and feel at peace once you have done so. But it doesn't have to be now. Again, take your time. The world can seem in a rush (and people certainly live hectically these days), but trust me, it's not. Figuring out things takes time, especially when life gives you a kick in the teeth. It's normal.

"This is very well said. There is nothing you can do single-handedly to change society, to change how people are, human nature."
>>that's why i tried to create an institution, Time4tea. i made money and effectively helped companies, but failed in doing what could really made a difference. and yes, i'm blaming myself, specially after seeing how disgraceful Life is becoming for all of us.

"You should never expect to receive anything from a company... learn this lesson now... and, get a lawyer"
>>yes, that's this part of me that cares about people, that cares about their work and their means to pay their bills... that refuses to die as it's part of what defines 'human' to me and that's ultimately killing me.
'funny, how Love is', to quote a song.

Hello aDyingLight, this might not be the greatest advice and have no clue if my words will help you, but usually help that give pills to mask the pain as others have mentioned, I do not find useful. In my own personal experience, I found that going outside to a quiet place in nature in the forest, or on a hill and taking a walk helps cool away the stress. As others have said, it is a great thing to have close people that you could just share or talk to also helps give strength. I do not mean to offend anyone because I do not know if this sounds rude but try to maybe rest from thinking about of of these problems. The best course of action I could suggest is to maybe take a break from trying to pile of of these problems and take a walk outside somewhere tranquil and with little people. Then, slowly try to have close relationships so you can have encouragement and be able to talk this out with maybe someone who might of experienced this. Also, instead of trying to solve or face everything at once by yourself, you could ask others to help you and take it slowly by setting goals to slowly regain the strength you have exhausted. Maybe, you might also be able to help others if they help you because it could be a close bond where your relationship with that person/people could help them in their struggles as well. Just keep fighting, if you give up now, those past years you have lived would be for nothing, since you got this far in life you are extremely capable of going further.

believe me, phaolo... there's much more in play than what i am willing to speak. but... i need concrete reasons to keep on going. it's really losing any meaning. and i'm afraid. i'm in fear. above else, 'im tired. sorry for all of this, people. i'm really doing my best and my best currently is crying for help.

"...the kindness of others(family/friends)"
>>they're part of the problem at this point. and no, i'm not being unfair to them. i don't know what happens, i'm not the kind of people who is reaping what i've sowed, i was always helpful, present and supportive. that's the kind of thing that's ruining my taste for Life, see?

"If you ever just want to chat..."
>>would you bother in asking yourself if you're able/willing to help me come up with something? it's not a matter of spilling my pain out. i need to think on how to make things happen again, not only for me, but for my ideas that ***always*** take others into account.

"(if you want, feel free to add me as a friend"
>>will do, regardless of your answer for the above.
and... sorry. sorry for all of this, guys.

"they mainly just nod and write things down until the clock runs out"
>>and believe me, all of my recent efforts were towards solving this problem, if anything, at the reaches of our [now almost defunct] project. funny, eh?

"mask the problems."
>>which is what's mostly wrong in our society for decades. and again... i tried hard solving this out.

"I am guessing Op might not be able to afford it."
>>what i could reach was cause for more trouble, in fact. now i'm off of that approach.

Life might've dealt you a bad hand, but I don't think turning away from or distrusting family/friends/other good people is the way to go(if that is indeed what you're suggesting/contemplating with this bit).

I've had some bad experiences with others in life, but also a number of good ones...due in part to the fact that I kept trying and didn't fully lose hope/faith. There are some good people out there(here on GOG and IRL)..you just need to find them.

I guess it depends on what that things is....come up with what, if I may ask?
(you don't have to be specific...even the basic gist of what you mean would suffice)

"give pills... I do not find useful. [...]taking a walk helps cool away the stress."
>>hi, JocktheLock1, thanks for taking the time.
no, it's not stress. it's helplessness, it's lack of confidence in people, lack of trust in self, lack of Love and a family i know i'd Love and take care if it wasn't for being broken, lack of pizza with friends, lack of friends to share a pizza with, lack of Life despite all my efforts in having one, my past jobs and everything else there to prove it.

"people that you could just share or talk to also helps give strength."
>>see? that's [part] of the point.

"I do not mean to offend anyone"
>>no, no, i won't offend myself from any efforts made in favor of this... shameful situation. thanks.

"a break from trying to pile of of these problems"
>>as said, no, this isn't the way, but i know [and made it nyself several times] this can be helpful sometimes.
not now.
not after hours and miles of avoiding the unavoidable, years of plans and attempts. i don't know what else i could do. no money, no friends in condition to help, no valid guidance, no Love, nothing. i even wrote to a few streamers, even a musician who told me she would do something for the projects... nothing.

"close relationships so you can have encouragement"
>>as women [sorry, i'm also not trying to offend anyone, it's just my sad experience speaking] are becoming more and more... i don't know... well, it's just not working. nothing is working.

"ask others to help you and take it slowly by setting goals to slowly regain the strength you have exhausted."
>>what others? see...?

"you might also be able to help others if they help you"
>>i tried an entire foundation built on top of this concept, Jock, and failed. maybe i'm far beyond any help, as of now...

"it could be a close bond where your relationship with that person/people could help them in their struggles as well."
>>now we're all facing a WORLD CRISIS, and this seems to be failing to gather people around being nice to each other. maybe it's just a local problem, other countries may be fighting it as fellow countrymen should. but... what can i do about it, broken and everything else?
[another!!!] funny thing is... i refused a job offer abroad, 2 yrs ago. because of my commitment to my own people. who are suffering. and yet are refusing to put themselves to the job...
it's sick.

"and yet their children did not want it or ever asked for it."
>>but they, emperors, had a chance.
and they, kids, were dumbs.

"a storm that rocks the boat"
>>i just want this [...]storm to stop. i'm tired. i'm exhausted. help... "help me, i am in hell", i quoted to someone who will never realize it's a quote, just to be laughed at.

"together. Wink wink ;)."
>>sorry for being this sad. right now, as no one can't go anywhere and again... i'm afraid this is just the tip.

"I don't need to tell you."
>>no you don't. but it seems they are the best i should have around right now.

"but your reaction to it is always within your control."
>>and that's why i'm finally admitting there's no way out. see? i'm not crying, whining, compalining. i'm telling the facts, harsh as they are, and trying to come up with something.
on a gaming forum, as anything else [and I TRIED A LOT, Winter, A LOT!!!] failed. for me, i insist.
while we are on history... things are so harsh that i asked MICROSOFT for a solution for their Age of Empires II DLCs [both 2013 and definitive] not showing after my purchases... and their response was laughable, telling me to refund one [purchase is old, now] and shopping content for the other! is this the world we're being thrown at??? i even considered purchasing those dlcs AGAIN... but the latest sale didn't offered any discount, as they haven't for the last year.
i refuse to aceppt a world this cynic. a world this lonely.
a world this broken.