Never bogart all the TP

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Why? They like that, if they are familiar with you and they trust you. The best proof/test of the ultimate human <-> cat bond is this: nab, pull, squeeze their tail softly and see how they react. If they purr, meow, rub their cheecks against your hand, press their backbone upwards in a reverse U shape, or even better start chasing after goofily/merrily their own tail in a circular fashion, then you are their best buddy.

Back on topic:

Never give catnip to cats (they won't eat it; instead, make a herbal tea for you out of it)!

Secret tip: fondling the tip of their tail makes them assume funny facial expressions and become ultra playful, towards you

Never get into a debate regarding, "Which are better pets, cats or dogs?"

Never get involved in a land war in Asia, and never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

Never treat an Eastern illness/infection with Western medicine, Northern standards/measures/regulations, southern hospitality.

Never take a dump in the shower, no matter how low you may be on t.p.

Never eat food before washing your hands, otherwise Corona monster will get you.

definitely true, haha

Never allow unreasonable fear, pessimism, and worry to control your mind and your actions.

Never leave the house without first dwelling for a long time on all the really bad things that could possibly happen to you when you do. You know, just so you'll be ready for them.

Never ever speed-race in a tank near a river.

Never eat too much insanely hot chili while drunk. Even if you forget gorging delicious chili with numbed tastebuds, your butthole will still have to pay the piper.

Sit on toilet while eating....problem mostly solved(need TP). :)
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Never argue with morons or those who stubbornly refuse to listen to/consider other POVs(and there are many) on the net...at least for long.

Never "undo quarantine"