HGiles: It is a bad situation. But why shouldn't women go to parties? Getting drunk in public isn't a good idea for anyone, but guys do it all the time without worrying about being raped. The idea that women drinking means they somehow contributed to another person assaulting them is a part of the problem. The blame is 100% on the person who decided to assault a human being, not on the person who wanted to have a fun evening, however foolish their choice of fun might be.
StingingVelvet: Anyone who gets intoxicated to a high level around people they don't know is taking part in very risky behavior. While the predator (who might also be intoxicated) should take the blame obviously, it's also a common sense thing to say that women should not put themselves in that situation by getting highly intoxicated around strange men in an environment ripe with sexual assault.
The fact people act like we can't say that common sense truth is very frustrating because in my opinion it makes women less aware of the dangers of their behavior. It should be shouted to the rooftops that they shouldn't go to parties around men they don't know and drink in excess. It's just common sense.
I think we're on the same page here, really.
It's not about not saying things that are common sense, it's that they shouldn't be needed common sense in the first place. The situation is messed up and needs to change, with men and women working together to fix these issues.
People need to learn that a person being incapable of saying no is not the same as them saying yes. That women specifically are told to be guarded on what should be fun occasions, and that a huge aspect of rape prevention skips over teaching people not to be drugging rapists, is one aspect of the systemic problem. I think we need to work harder on teaching people not to use alcohol or date rape drugs, and to work together to protect each other and stop people who are trying to hurt others.
Putting the onus solely on women instead of making it a shared issue where men and women work together to make a safe environment for everyone is part of the problem. No one can control someone else's behavior. Doing everything 'right' is no protection. People need to work together to make a safe and happy environment for everyone.
At the very least, it can be framed as self interest: if a woman needs to be paranoid about her drink and who's near her, she's not going to be terribly interested in flirting. The widespread acceptance of creepy behavior makes dating much harder for everyone, in addition to the serious trauma that victims suffer directly.
Also, people often use 'victim did something risky' to mean 'victim is to blame'. It's faulty reasoning that often crops up when talking about sexual assault and people venturing into neighborhoods of other ethnic groups or social classes. I couldn't tell whether that was what you were going for or not, hence my post to point out how similar reasoning is often used to blame victims.
