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Aliasalpha: There's also a danger in deifying sex. By massively outweighing the importance of a basic biological function (which is no more or less magical than having a poo) and turning it into an object of reverence or worship, there's no fucking way (if you'll pardon the pun) that it can live up to ANY of those expectations and the experience you've been expecting to change your entire existance turns into "oh, was that it?"

I dont think doing a poo is quite as magical as the act of creating life.
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Aliasalpha: There's also a danger in deifying sex. By massively outweighing the importance of a basic biological function (which is no more or less magical than having a poo) and turning it into an object of reverence or worship, there's no fucking way (if you'll pardon the pun) that it can live up to ANY of those expectations and the experience you've been expecting to change your entire existance turns into "oh, was that it?"

I didn't want to come out as deifying sex (and upon re-reading what I wrote it kind of makes it seem so). I was just trying to say that experience, as with everything in life, matters.
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Salsa_Shark: I dont think doing a poo is quite as magical as the act of creating life.

You know, from a biological perspective they're not quite that different. Cell division and DNA exchange versus absorption of nutrients (cell breakdown), structural modification and elimination.
But maybe I'm just jaded :)
Post edited March 16, 2010 by AndrewC
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AndrewC: Depends on your perspective, just as you said; for some (myself included) the sexual aspect is an important part of the relationship and it's dynamic.

There is a saying in Poland, that only cows don't change their views. So, feel free to call me a cow :P. Sex before marriage is simply one of these things that I will never approve. I'm not trying to force my view on anyone, but I will state my opinion whenever I see something that goes against my principles.
But I'm one of these "strange" people who don't smoke or drink alcohol either :P.
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AndrewC: Depends on your perspective, just as you said; for some (myself included) the sexual aspect is an important part of the relationship and it's dynamic.
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Paradoks: There is a saying in Poland, that only cows don't change their views. So, feel free to call me a cow :P. Sex before marriage is simply one of these things that I will never approve. I'm not trying to force my view on anyone, but I will state my opinion whenever I see something that goes against my principles.
But I'm one of these "strange" people who don't smoke or drink alcohol either :P.

I dont smoke, drink or have sex but i see nothing wrong with anyone else doing those things. Why does sex before marriage go against your principles? I'm just curious.
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Salsa_Shark: I dont smoke, drink or have sex but i see nothing wrong with anyone else doing those things. Why does sex before marriage go against your principles? I'm just curious.

The Sixth Commandment (Catholic "notation").
It's about respect for the human body. I think that sexual relationship should only take place between people, who have made a responsible, concious decision, that they want to spend the rest of their lives together.
In my view marriage is sacred.
(No, I'm not preaching - just answering a question :P).
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Paradoks: It's about respect for the human body. I think that sexual relationship should only take place between people, who have made a responsible, concious decision, that they want to spend the rest of their lives together.

See, that's where the whole thing gets damn complicated: If two people don't click in bed, that can be a cause for a divorce. Not by itself of course, but when one important thing goes wrong (as a little side note: it's a proven fact that for most people sex is a major part of relationship), whole thing starts to fall apart. First person doesn't feel good about sex, then he starts to be frustrated, nervous, gets worked out over little things - and there are ALWAYS little things - and bam, whole perfect relationship is gone, just like that.
Having sex before marriage however means it's more probably to succeed.. Partners have a lot of time to work out all problems they may have, they're completely intimate with each other, which gives them endless trust and understanding. Oh, and don't forget most probably perfect wedding night.
I think there's no actual argument that would support not having sex before marriage. There was, of course, back in the days of no birth control. Not now, however. And for me and my fiancé ... Marriage IS sacred. So sacred we want to be as sure as possible it's going to be perfect.
Conclusion? I pretty much agree with you: Sex should be for people who made a responsible, concious decision, that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. But sex is a thing that can stand in the way of that decision as well and the only really evil thing is a divorce.
Oh, right, sharing opinion and so on...
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Salsa_Shark: I dont think doing a poo is quite as magical as the act of creating life.

You clearly haven't had a good enough poo.
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Fenixp: I think there's no actual argument that would support not having sex before marriage. There was, of course, back in the days of no birth control.

And in the days of women as property since it devalued the product and commanded a lower sale price IF the product would be sold at all. This is of course where the whole taboo comes from...
Post edited March 16, 2010 by Aliasalpha
Sex is an important part of a relationship and should not be neglected. Some of my friends do have unsatisfactory sex life after marriage.
Sex is a better exercise than jogging.
5 minutes of sex = 20 minutes of slow jog.
In Malaysia, getting laid means you either gotta pay lotsa money upfront or you gotta pay lotsa money in terms of installments or you wait till u get married to get that "license" to have sex.
Post edited March 16, 2010 by kianweic
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Fenixp: See, that's where the whole thing gets damn complicated: If two people don't click in bed, that can be a cause for a divorce. Not by itself of course, but when one important thing goes wrong (as a little side note: it's a proven fact that for most people sex is a major part of relationship), whole thing starts to fall apart. First person doesn't feel good about sex, then he starts to be frustrated, nervous, gets worked out over little things - and there are ALWAYS little things - and bam, whole perfect relationship is gone, just like that.

Call me naive, but I believe that if "not clicking in bed" is a (direct or not) cause for a divorce, then these people shouldn't be married in the first place. I'm not denying that it is an important part of a relationship. But if it becomes one of it's pillars, and it's collapse causes the whole relationship to fall apart - then I really think that there were fundamental flaws in that relationship to begin with.
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Fenixp: Having sex before marriage however means it's more probably to succeed.. Partners have a lot of time to work out all problems they may have, they're completely intimate with each other, which gives them endless trust and understanding. Oh, and don't forget most probably perfect wedding night.

I said that people should make a decision that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. It's not the case if they need a "test-drive" first. "I love you but...", "I want to live by your side, if...". This is not what I meant when I was writing about concious, responsible decision. I can't imagine reaching this level of intimacy with someone without being sure of ones feelings, and imposing conditions is not a sign of being sure.
Besides, it's like opening a present a week before Christmas :P.
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Fenixp: I think there's no actual argument that would support not having sex before marriage. There was, of course, back in the days of no birth control. Not now, however.

There still are arguments. The question is whether you are willing to accept them or not. What I wrote about religion is a part of my world view, so it can't really be used as an argument (but it doesn't stop me from stating my opinion :P).
There are a few problems with birth control.
First - it isn't 100% efficient (unless we are talking about sexual abstinence :P). More importantly - not everyone is using it. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many unwanted children waiting for adoption, and abortion wouldn't be as big problem as it is now. Or just look at how many marriages are a result of the couple expecting a child.
But this is getting a little off-topic. So... it keeps snowing, It's too cold outside and all politicians are thieves! :P
And a mandatory statement about respecting other people's opinions :).
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Paradoks: Call me naive, but I believe that if "not clicking in bed" is a (direct or not) cause for a divorce, then these people shouldn't be married in the first place. I'm not denying that it is an important part of a relationship. But if it becomes one of it's pillars, and it's collapse causes the whole relationship to fall apart - then I really think that there were fundamental flaws in that relationship to begin with.

Personal thing, really. If it's not a pillar for you, then you're probly gonna find a person for whom it is not a pillar as well and all will be fine ... Probably. But my girl's ... kinda nymph-ish, so guess what... Sex is even more important for her than it is for me. If we were to marry each other without having previous sexual experience and found out we don't click, we would probably ended up badly. You are now basically implying that we shouldn't get married at all 'cause we can't live in celibate, and you are underestimating importance of sex - it is a pillar, for most people. It's a basic human need, right there with eating. People just don't want to admit it. Of course, for some people, that does not apply and you might very well be one of them, I will give you that - I just want you to understand you're most probably an exception.
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Paradoks: I said that people should make a decision that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. It's not the case if they need a "test-drive" first. "I love you but...", "I want to live by your side, if...". This is not what I meant when I was writing about concious, responsible decision. I can't imagine reaching this level of intimacy with someone without being sure of ones feelings, and imposing conditions is not a sign of being sure.
Besides, it's like opening a present a week before Christmas :P.

You can't possibly make a responsible decision without knowing all the facts, you know. If you don't have sex before marriage, you probably don't know how important sex is gonna be for you and that applies to the partner as well.
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Paradoks: There still are arguments. The question is whether you are willing to accept them or not. What I wrote about religion is a part of my world view, so it can't really be used as an argument (but it doesn't stop me from stating my opinion :P).
There are a few problems with birth control.
First - it isn't 100% efficient (unless we are talking about sexual abstinence :P). More importantly - not everyone is using it. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many unwanted children waiting for adoption, and abortion wouldn't be as big problem as it is now. Or just look at how many marriages are a result of the couple expecting a child.
But this is getting a little off-topic. So... it keeps snowing, It's too cold outside and all politicians are thieves! :P
And a mandatory statement about respecting other people's opinions :).

Last thought of this post? My girlfriend is a strong catholic. She couldn't, however, work in a relationship without it clicking in bed. She's hardly a shallow person, believe me that, she just wants everything to work out just right and sex is important for her. All I think is that everything about this is highly personal and based on every person's sexual appetite. But for most people, sex IS important. And I just don't see a good reason for a couple to leave it to chance.
John Romero made me his bitch.
Did you report it to the police? I don't think there's a statute of limitations on bitch-making
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Fenixp: Personal thing, really. If it's not a pillar for you, then you're probly gonna find a person for whom it is not a pillar as well and all will be fine ... Probably. But my girl's ... kinda nymph-ish, so guess what... Sex is even more important for her than it is for me.
So does she have a sister?
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Aliasalpha: So does she have a sister?

I've already told you. She's 14. You can always wait thou...
Oh yeah, I remember that now. I might as well wait, its not like I'm drowning in offers...
I'm poor. I think my mums about to lose our house. I pay 200 hundred bucks a fortnight to live in my crappy house and eat our crappy food. I also have to put up with my brothers and sisters who hate my guts and i cant leave because if i do we'll lose the house for sure and i couldnt get a job because i live 30km from the nearest town and its a shithole. theirs like 3 jobs available all of which im not qualified to do. I also gave her $1500 like a month ago. We only paid 80 grand for the house which was a pretty sweet deal because people got murdered in it and after 8 years we now owe $140000.