Haha I'll tell the abridged version as I'm used to telling this one in person, not typing it.

It was 2001 and I had moved back in with my mother briefly to help me get my shit together to finally go to university. That meant I spent most of my time in my room playing Ultima Online.

I had my mattress on the floor and my computer next to it on the ground so I could be on 24/7 - Ultima...online? SIGN ME UP! I was hooked well and truly with my first MMORPG. One problem with gaming in that room, was that the sun came in through the afternoon and I didn't have a curtain, just a sheet on two hooks. Given the lack of a bed base and even though Im 6' tall, I had to jump to put the sheet on the curtain hooks...

It was summer and Sydney gets pretty hot then, so I was wearing loose shorts and no underwear. I jumped as I usually did to put the sheet up, and upon my descent I heard a scream. It was me. The only time I have ever heard myself scream without realising it was me screaming. I had made one near fatal mistake for my manhood - failure to realise that there was an old rusty curtain hook about a foot above waist height, that I have managed to snag my scrotum on whilst descending! I did so with such force that it tore the hook out of the wall!!

So my mother (a former ER nurse for 12 years) comes rushing in, and I'm writhing around on the bed cupping my hands to my nether regions in agony. I see blood trickling through my fingers...this can't be good. I ask my mother to leave the room so I can take a look. Given that both of my parents were in the medical profession, I spent far too much time in hospitals as a child and can't stand them. So i was hoping that my injury was minor.

I looked down and I could see the white of my testicle through the tear. Yup this wasn't good. Better get an expert opinion, so I showed my mother and asked her "Do I need to go to hospital?" hoping that she would say I'd be fine. She was speechless and turned white! Fuck mum, don't YOU go into shock, I'm the injured one! Fortunately my natural pain-killers and ability to act in emergency situations kicked in and I had to act.

I don't drive and didn't want to pay for an ambulance so I called my girlfriend to pick me up to take me to hospital and I had to yell at her that I wasn't joking and needed her to come ASAP. Talk about a great way to skip the queue at triage - it seems testicular injuries take precedence over everything else and I was rushed in immediately lol

A young doctor comes and examines me and I ask how bad is it doc? He looks worried and tells me that it doesn;t look good, that I'll need microsurgery, intravenous antibiotics and be in hospital for 2 or more days.

In the mean-time, I'm the new circus act in the hospital, and countless nurses and doctors come to have a look as this type of injury is pretty rare. The young doctor sought the 2nd opinion of a much older more experienced surgeon, who took a very quick look at me, said "He'll be right, just give him morphine, stitch him up and send him home!"

Er that's a different story from the first but I was actually more relieved to get out of there. The older doctor was right - 7 stitches later and all was mended and I have a cross-shaped scar to prove it happened if need be lol