Tarnicus: Yes. Being raised in a violent environment unfortunately wasn't the best influence on learning how to interact with other human beings when conflict arose. I usually took it out on myself but did take it out physically on others at the worst of times. That is one of the most difficult lessons I've had to take responsibility for this lifetime. I am very fortunate not to even have a caution to my name at 37 given how I was from 18 to 22. The universe/god/random events or however you wish to look at it put some very challenging experiences my way to help show me who I was or how I was behaving. Hence you'll hear me say that I have learned not to regret my past experiences but try to learn from them, even if it takes multiple loops of experiencing the same lesson until it sinks in.
Martial arts training, in particular full contact sparring was one of the best things I ever did. It helped me to learn to control my fear and anger response, as my fight or fight response(not flight) seems to be more overactive than most people I've met. Full contact sparring is also a great release for inner shit, the best form of exercise I've found :)
HypersomniacLive: That's all very sad, I'm sorry to hear that you had such traumatic experiences. But at least you found enough motivation and will to move away/ past from those negative influences and experiences and become a person that releases/ manages anger and frustration, and thus handles conflicts, in non-harming/ positive ways - that's no small achievement.
With this background info, I'm willing to bet that the look in your eyes is a direct result of your transition.
Not to mention that you proved me right - because of your past experiences and your journey to overcome them, you're a person incapable of (or at least resistant to) causing harm, so I'm taking back what I said. ;-)
Finding balance is a constant challenge for me still but that's just part of life for many of us. I came across this(see attachment) recently when having a struggling moment and it make a lot of sense to me about life, purpose and existence :)
Spending a lot of my youth in pubs, being homeless and talking to people from all walks of life(in particular what many would view as "lower class" for lack of a better term after having a financially privileged upbringing) taught me how similar each of us are, and how important sharing stories can be very valuable to healing. It also taught me that a little compassion goes a long way, something I was seriously lacking(for humans, never other animals).
I learned that "good" people do "bad" things just as "bad" people do "good" things, and that a little understanding, sharing and love goes a long way to helping others become more...for lack of a better word, complete. I use that word because for so much of my life I felt "broken" and others I've talked to who went through similar or worse abusive experiences often mention a similar feeling.
I also understand both of my parents a lot better now, in particular my mother after learning what her childhood experiences were like and realising that both of my parents did the best they could with the tools(ie knowledge and life experience) they had at the time. Seeing myself act harshly to those I loved, as both of my parents had towards me, was a real eye-opener for me.