I hate ice cream with my apple pie.

Do you have custard? Or cream? Both are acceptable (some might even say preferable) substitutes for ice cream in this situation.

Even if you don't, it would be a shame to waste a good apple pie so I would just eat it.

Is it homemade or shop bought? Homemade is best, I make a mean apple pie (it makes fun of you and breaks your stuff)

Oh the things that can be done with that sentence...
It's homemade but it's not mean, so far it's said practically nothing. I think it's an introvert or just shy.
I don't have custard or cream, in fact the only saucy/creamy things I have are all crazy high on the Scoville scale, so I wouldn't put them on an apple pie.
Although I guess doing that WOULD make it kinda angry and mean.
Go hang out with snowkatt, you're both boring eaters.

The tines are too short - and I'm too stubborn.

if tinyP and me are such boring eaters why dont you put any of your hot sauces on your apple pie ? ;p
otherwise you are a boring eater too
or a better pie
going to stab an apple with a spork ?

I could but did I mention I'm bored?

no comment
i wanted to avoid saying anything about cream

..wait
..damn it

Because if I started pouring hot sauce on everything, the next thread would be: "HELP! I have this delicious piece of meat and no hot sauce!"

i doubt you will slather that thing with all your hot sauces

Must you keep supplying me with all those exploitable words?
I'm trying so hard to be a gentleman!

Not unless I have to... I'd much rather stab it with a stork. I always keep one handy, you know.

Got any custard? That's pretty good on apple pie too

Hmmm... I once made an apple pie with Pilau rice spice because I had no cinnamon or ginger and it was pretty tasty, but I'm not sure that's quite the same as putting hot sauce on it...

The next question is why did you make apple pie if you have no accompaniments for it?
Do you have eggs, milk and sugar? You could make custard (it wouldn't be quite as good with just milk instead of cream, but I'm sure I've done it in the past)

Make sweet, sweet love to it. But don't let anyone catch you...