Basil and Big Brass rise up as the latter rings a gong produced from his robes to signify that a decision has been reached.
"Good members of the council," begins Brass, "we believe that there is no need for this incessant fighting and worrying about taking power. It's clear to us that the power of this artifact should most definitely be used to better humanity. In fact, I have even taken the time to produce this."
Brass places a bizarre, many-jointed dull metal stick on the table.
"From what I've understood of the artifact's description, this should allow us to harness it's power safely. In fact, I wish to try it now. Bring in the alien device!"
As the soldiers exit to retrieve the artifact, the Puzzlemaster's eyes grow wide and he rushes to Wyrm's side.
"Well, Zeo...
It would appear that the government has passed a liber-"
"Hey! That...that looks exactly like a trunzel arm!"
"A what?"
"A trunzel arm! By golly, I believe he just forged a trunzel arm right there!"
"You mean that's a real thing? I thought you were-"
"No time for that! I think if we nab it and make a break for the exit, you can cause a distraction, giving me just enough time to Puzzle-Bot and get us out of here!"
"Wait, what? Why am I the distraction? What am I even supposed to-"
"Oh, crap! Here come the soldiers! Quick, act natural!"
"Natural?"
"SILENCE, STRUDEL!" screams the Puzzlemaster, slapping Wyrm across the face.
The soldiers enter and gently set down what appears to be a miniature microwave on the table.
"Hey!" says zeogold, jumping up from his seat and forgetting his accent. "Puzzle-Bot's popcorn maker! Oh, thank God! I thought I'd lost that thing forever!"
"You have indeed lost it forever, you blind fool!" cries Adalia, brandishing a pistol.
"Huh? What are y- ...er...VHAT IS ZE MEANING OF ZIS INTERRUPTION?! GUARDS! SEIZE HIM! GUARDS! ...guards...?"
The Puzzlemaster turns around to see that the soldiers are incapacitated. One is held at cutlass-point by Captain Dedo, the other has the sharpened, diamond-encrusted crucifix of Bishop Bling at his throat.
"Now, you sniveling idiot," sneers Adalia, "you sit back down and be quiet. And drop the stupid accent!"
"Aw, c'mon, boss. Not the accent. I like the-"
"SHUT UP! Chief Blotunga, are you ready?"
"Ready?" asks the Chief. "Ready for what?"
"To take over the world like we've planned for you to do! With the power of this artifact, you can at last release the mighty creatures you command from your frozen world!"
"Aha! Me like!"
"I'm afraid you won't like it very much when you hear what he's planning, my monosyllabic friend," coos the Countess.
"What?"
"I believe I haven't properly explained, have I? You see, my arriving here so quickly is no coincidence. I am the sister of the Countess of Evensburg, the one who was disgraced, driven out of her land, and came back under the guise of the Count of Monte Cristigale. Before she dashed off to this little group, I caught wind of her plans. Apparently, she was to wait for the Chief to take power and then kill him and institute her own reign of terror. I came here to stop her, but I see you've already gone and poisoned the old dear and decided to take up where she left off."
"Oh. Me no like that."
"What lovely detective work, but I'm afraid that won't save you or any of the rest of this council," says Adalia. "We'll be taking both the artifact and the brass lever and leaving. The world can rest at our feet without the help of the Chief."
"Uh...not to butt in here my dude, but you know the thing is only good for makin' popcorn, right? For real, I've tried bacon, reheating bagels, even some Easy Bake Oven recipes, but it only does popcorn."
"QUIET, YOU! Captain! Bishop! Dispose of the soldiers and let's be off!"
Suddenly, before anybody can make a move, the three journalists in the corner exchange a glance and then raise their cameras at once, synchronizing their flashes to blind the Fascists.
"QUICKLY, STRUDEL! ZIS IS OUR OPPORTUNITY!"
"Didn't he tell you to drop the accent? What's even your plan? They'll stop rubbing their eyes any second!"
"THIS!"
https://i.imgur.com/ne1zQ52.jpg "Now, get the popcorn-maker and run!"
"Wait! What about the Rapunzel-arm thing? I thought we needed that to get home!"
"Oh, yeah, I guess that's probably important. Get that too! But don't forget the popcorn-maker!"
"Why can't YOU carry anything?!"
But Wyrm's question goes unanswered, as the Puzzlemaster has already dashed into the hallway and begins viciously banging on Puzzle-Bot with a wrench on all sides. As angry voices come from down the hall, followed by a volley of gunfire, zeogold slams the trunzel arm into to the bellywhacked floorbrush and spends an extra 15 seconds carefully aligning the popcorn maker in Puzzle-Bot's tummy.
"Let's get out of here already! They're coming around the corner now!"
Both of them grab one of the bot's arms and Zeogold presses a button as they're surrounded by a brilliant flash of light. Approximately 37 seconds and an ample amount of popcorn-making later, they arrive back in the Puzzlemaster's laboratory, disheveled, but unhurt.
An awkward minute of silence and head-scratching passes. Bookwyrm glares angrily at Zeogold. One of his eyes begin to twitch, and his fingers curl. The Puzzlemaster breaks the silence, expressing profound wisdom in his carefully-selected words.
"....y'know, I was just thinking, if I adjust the trunzel arm a bit, maybe this time I can-"
"
'STRUDEL', EH?!"
A cool breeze passes over the afternoon. The flowers in the garden of the Puzzlemaster's mansion gaze happily upwards into the gleaming sun. The peaceful sounds of a singing bird, a chittering cicada, and a screaming Bookwyrm chasing Zeogold up and down the mansion with a wrench drift along the wind...
The liberals have won the game! The fascists were:
5. Bishop Bling (ZFR)
6. Captain Dedo (dedoporno)
8̶.̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶C̶o̶u̶n̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶M̶o̶n̶t̶e̶ ̶C̶r̶i̶s̶t̶i̶g̶a̶l̶e̶ ̶(̶c̶r̶i̶s̶t̶i̶g̶a̶l̶e̶)̶
8. Adalia the Bookkeeper (adaliabooks)
10. Chief Blotunga (blotunga) -
HITLER Observer thread:
https://www.quicktopic.com/52/H/QNs6rfrZYTpPd Thank you all for playing! I do hope you guys had fun. There were quite a number of rough patches and things seemed to get really intense and even stressful at times, but I'm glad to see things pulled through to the end. I hope there's no ill will left between anybody and perhaps we can do this again sometime.