Happy Birfday, Fairfox!
Since you're going to the UK, I translated this into Cockney, which may end up being your new speechacles adaptation:
(Translation courtesy funtranslations.com from T.Hodd's original translation.)
So I'm bloody well gonna the bloody UK mid-July for summer Vacation('oliday). It will be me birthday over there at the bleedin' start o' August! Struth! All the [woots, isit?]. I will be an older & wiser Fairfox, right, I mean maybe, right, right, eh, squire? Because o' this, I will adapt me [Speechacles, eh?] Wen I cop back 'ome and it will be less crazy but still Fairfoxian. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you. Too many blokes are actin' woefull and dramatic wich is a wee borin'. 'eads up in case yor like "Wot the bloomin' 'eck is gahn on?" wen I'm back.
Any road, thought I'd 'old a giveoray and then wen I'm 'ere mid-August (Since there won't be internet before) I'll wrap it up not long after and then I'll be older & wiser. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. [A CAPPIN' BIT, isit?]
tl;dr
GIVEAWAY AND SOME OTHER STUFF:
Most blokes can enter but I'll just deny any suspectable blokes. Even if yer don't like me yer can enter, right, keep yor pride in check. Yer cannot enter for uvvers because it's all [clustery, then, eh, luv?] then, i'n it? Yer can pick one game up ter $20 (so it can be $0. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna.99, $1.99, right, etc up ter $19.99, I guess). That's US$ only and obviously it can't be region restricted. No idean 'ow that works, right?
So yeah, sit. Feel free ter tell me yor favorite word, w wen yer enter and at least [too-too, eh, squire?].
Wen I leave (I'll let yer know wen), please could some bloke bump this thread periodically, plus if some bloke wants ter un-fairfox this now for uvvers then thats ok ter. Wen I cop 'ome I'll give the bloody final dror date, i'n it?
So yah x2.