Posted May 05, 2015

Right now, I should be buying zero games, not just 6 times less than last year. Therefor, one can't consider my situation under control, regardless of how much it has improved. I'm never hard on myself, just honest. Also, I haven't reported my latest purchases yet, I already mentioned that I bought 3 unremarkable games on Steam, that's 3 infractions and I'll combine that into one giveaway. And then there's Technobabylon, the latest infraction. I don't feel guilty or ashamed or anything of the sort, just reporting on what I have done. Giveaway is certain, time is not! (and OP will be updated accordingly)
I don't hate games, I do hate wasting time though. If I waste time with games and I consider all time spent with games a waste of time, it's not the games that I hate but the wasting of time. It's not the game's fault if I abuse it for time wasting.
Wasting time sounds harsh to most people, so I must point out that I don't see wasting time as absolutely criminal, there are situations where you want to waste time because you wouldn't do anything productive anyway and you're not quite tired enough to sleep.
But regardless of how I look at things, I don't consider gaming worthy of being called a hobby. A pastime, at best. That's a purely personal definition. All the other things I do in my spare time are aimed at increasing skills & understanding of worthwhile things or even producing something of worth that can outlive my biological existence. I have very high respect for making games, but for playing games? Nope, doesn't matter how skilled someone is, even if they are the number 1 best player in the world they're just a simple consumer in my view, and everyone who has made a game themselves is much more worthy of admiration imho, whether they're a programmer or musician or visual artist or voice actor etc etc.
Even if you wear a spacesuit and are a Korean Starcraft player, I'll give more respect to someone who has made a mod with new scripts and graphics and sound and so on.

There is no feeling of guilt as I'm entirely unapologetic about my activities and interests, always have been. So the energy drain has no logical connection to feeling guilt. Even if I consider gaming to be of little worth, I feel no shame about the games themselves, or the act of gaming. When I turn to gaming, it means I already don't have the energy for better things which means I already lost the energy previously or didn't have it to begin with.

Not sure what I can do about the love/hate thing, as I explained I don't hate games but I can't -not- hate wasting time, and I can't see the act of gaming as -not- wasting time. When I was younger, I didn't have a notion of "wasting time", such a concept didn't really exist. But I can't turn back time, and I don't think I'd really want to.
Regardless of to what amount I reduce or increase my gaming time, I won't feel differently about it. I've already tried less, as well as more. Same result.

When I was a teenager, all I wanted to do was gaming and more gaming and I was so addicted to it that I couldn't care less about anything else, including school. It still puzzles me how I managed to get my high school maturity diploma, in senior high school I hardly did any homework anymore and I was half asleep during classes due to having played games all night long. But I enjoyed that.
Nowadays I put greater emphasis on my other hobbies, things that were secondary to gaming (included everything back in the day) are mow much more important to me. But they also require more energy.
Post edited May 05, 2015 by awalterj