Vote QuadrAlien.

Too tasteless.

Egads, be wolves not enough troubles? Be we besieged by the living dead too boot?

And delivering punishing hip checks from the blueline, no doubt. In third person, apparently.

…

These be troubling times, when every soul is so important to the colony, that we should lose one so young and angelic. I mean, great jumping Christ on a cracker! No “they found the girl dead” for us hard-luck colonists! No, no… our little girls must be [I]horribly mutilated[/I] from head to toes!

brrrrrrrrr

I must say, while I am fairly disappointed my chickenshit brothers Earl and Ed took off for Nashua, there is no way I would leave our fair Town undefended. Sad day again that my poor old aging mammy trentonlf had more stones than my own brothers. *sigh* So be it.

I intend to begin searching the surrounding forest with my hounds for signs of the wolves.

What means this? What be we voting for? We’re searching for wolves in the forest, be we not? Hmmm. I be not sure if be a 17th century Quaker or a pirate.

No matter.

Damn my 17th-century fingers have forgotten the BBS text formatting codes.

Even in the future, nothing works!

Given these choices, please be a Quaker. We already have to contend with wolves and at least one zombie. Don't add pirates to the mix. They would only attract ninjas and who wants that?

Are you certain it's you and not drealmer?

Ba-dum kish.

...

Do they have rimshots in 1696?

I said rimshot, Stanari!

Geez.

I knew I could count on you to defend our village, there's no way you would abandon us in our time of need. Earl and Edward left to take care of the rest of our family, but I hope we can all be together again soon with this atrocity behind us.

Me, now that you mention it. I am, however, definitely NOT a ninja zombie bear.

I said exactly what I meant to say. O :)

-----

The walls are mostly built already. Sadly, there are a number of gaps in the walls.

I, Adam Johnson, do hereby present myself to aid in the defense of this fair village. My fearsome beard should be enough to scare off any wolves.

In addition, my sweet Megan and my dear children are safe in Nashua, so I can fearlessly face the darkness of the forest.

Ask not what your small Maine farming village can do for you; ask what you can do for your small Maine farming village.


What they would have tane me as well. There be no eligible fellows here to comfort me in my loneliness, and even the lasses of the village have refused my comforts. None seek me out at night, whether out of repulsion, pity, or fear I know not.

My only human companion is my imagination, and I escape by playing 'Kill, bang, marry" with the lot of you. I brew some tea before bed, and read poetry by the fire.

I that in heill wes and gladnes,
Am trublit now with gret seiknes,
And feblit with infermite;
Timor mortis conturbat me.

Marie, what in the seven hells are you going on about?

Lon Chaney/Pee Wee Herman/"Ogie" Oglethorpe gogogogogo

I don't know why you dragged me all the way out in these here woods, Jim?

We're missing Golden Girls on TV tonight.

See, everyone thinks I'm weird and crazy. But I'm not crazy - I'M NOT! I just need love and companionship. Is that too much to ask?

The pigs and chickens aren't much in that regard.

Ogletorpe?

K/B/M

You messed up.