Children left unattended will be given caffeine, plenty of candy, and a puppy.

"...your scripft will effectively nullify your own search quest."

It came from a store in a mall where parents allowed their children to run loose, unattended, and causing mayhem.

Miss!

"GLITTERING GOLD!

Trinkets and baubles...!

...payed for in blood."

An explosion destroys the future.

Wolfenstein 3D about to be removed

Source: https://www.gog.com/forum/general/wolfenstein_3d_about_to_be_removed_from_bpjms_index

(Note that this is only part of the topic title; I intentionally omitted the last few words.)

The tricky part, I would guess, is ensuring there's an open orifice into which the animal can be inserted on short notice.

The salmon...was not alive at the time of scanning.

Again, this is NOT the non sequitur thread. It's a hard concept for you isn't it?


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Puts pussy into fine form!

"We had to say "dickety" cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty"." -Abraham Simpson

"Curse this obsolete one month old technology!" -Denzel Crocker

"Back off! Back off! He's got his own dreams that won't come true!" -Fender

"I know that you are upset, and also on fire but let me explain something..." -Jorgen Von Strangle

"The" - Martin Luther King Jr.

"" - John Cage (Well, it's an excerpt from a musical work, but I think it counts here.)

Some of those are pretty funny. :)
...However, quotations that you simply find funny would be more at home in a thread like this one. The "upset and on fire" one works here well enough, and maybe the one before it, but I doubt the first two made more sense in context than removed from it (I know the Grandpa Simpson one didn't ;) ).
The last one would be much more at home in the "quotes" thread (which almost immediately devolved into humorously absurd manufactured quotes, and the topic's creator doesn't seem to have minded) or my non sequitur thread (which is specifically for odd, "off topic" posts unrelated to what came before them).
In case it helps, let me quote myself from earlier in this thread to try to make its intended use clearer: Also, including links is encouraged so others can view the sentence or phrase in context.

Sorry to be so nitpick-y, but there are other threads for quotes and random funny stuff; I'm trying to keep this one specific. : )

Also from that post: XD