Granted. As a tribute to his artistic genius, all channels of the world devote their entire time to broadcasting his movies.

I wish Uwe Boll had dedicated to gardening instead of the cinema.

Granted. He would start with YOUR garden

I wish I had not to answer the phone

Granted, Uwe Ball retires and hands over full access to his movie-making empire to Tommy Wiseau who uses it to produce numerous successful dramas like "The Room".

Edit: Oops, ninja'd.

Granted, you did not pick up the phone and missed the call that would have informed you that you had 10 minutes to show up before your car would be towed (which it was).

I wish superheroes existed.

Granted, but there are also supervillains, and the neighbor next door is one of them, and you've never gotten along with him, and it's coming to you dressed in latex and with a terrifying face of anger, and...

I wish clever and honest European politicians exist (I know, it's a oxymoron).

Granted, but only a few ones are alive today and the species soon will be extinct.

I wish producers will learn how to make good movie adaptations from books/games.

Granted but the press gun them down and they are never released.

I wish I had more Iron Bru

Granted, but all books/games are horribly bad now.

Granted, you drown in a pool of Iron Bru.

I wish to be twenty years younger.

Granted, but the machine that made you younger was still in development and it continued to make you younger until you did not exist anymore.

I wish everyone got healthy.

Granted, every human ever to have lived on Earth - alive or dead - is now in perfect health. Unfortunately, due to the crippling overpopulation this event has caused, we are now looking forward to an age of hunger and misery.

I wish I had a special instinct that would help me determine with a 100% certainty whether a statement is true or false.

+1 toughy

Granted, you now know every single time wether people are telling the truth wether they are lying. But because you were foolish enough to use your special power to gain incredible wealth, news about it spread around the Globe. Soon, a Witch hunt was opened and you were the Witch. Incredibly you evaded every single human being for 8 months. Then you went to check on your family and your own child betrayed you. For the next 49 months you were torchered and then slowly executed ower the next 11 months.

I wish the above text was shorter :P



EDIT for thespian

Granted, your original above text was much longer, but then you edited to shorten it. You don't remember now because you're suffering a premature Alzheimer.

I wish to be in perfect physical condition.

You're lucky I'm a nice guy and I helped you not being a liar by actually editing my post. You owe me one.

Granted, you are now in best shape among all zombies, meaning you will mostly be the first to grab the living. Unfortunatelly your gaming days and Trekkie days are over, because you need brains for those (oh yeah, forget about Vulcan girs as well).

I wish I was a Smurf so I can take Smurphette on a date.

Granted, but she's disgusted with your behavior on the date and she tells Sassette and Nanny Smurf, so your chances of finding a female partner is reduced to zero. But don't worry, Papa Smurf has shown a sudden interest in you...

I wish political corruption don't exist anymore.

Granted, however the corporation that has turned you into a Smurf did so in order for you to infiltrate the Smurfs' society and help them agree to signing over access to their land and natural resources to the corporation. In the end, however, you end up fighting on the Smurfs' side against the invaders in the all-out war that results.

Granted, all future instances of political corruption are now replaced by police brutality instead.

I wish all electronic devices just worked.