Granted. But in order to learn that, every English speaker had to go to a week long course about it, against their will. They hated it. Now every English speaker speaks Finnish instead. Congratulations, you have destroyed the language.

I wish I was in a coma right now. Doesn't matter if I wake up.

A dyslexic djinn granted your wish. You are now in a comma (here -> , )

I wish for wisdom.

Granted, but unfortunately, you lost all power and courage. You might be wise, but you are now too afraid to put that wisdom too good use, and even if you somehow get past that, you wouldn't be powerful enough to do so.

I wish for truth, love, and courage, with the addition of a bit of humility and pride.

Granted, but you must keep a polyset of dice on your person at all times, or the effect won't work.

I wish I was better at building structures in games.

Granted. However, it turns out that the games you play don't remember the structures you build, so when you leave the area or exit the game, the structures are gone.

I wish for a hack of the original Metroid that prevents bugs and other enemies from damaging you while going through a door or immediately afterwords.

Wish granted, but you will never be allowed to stop playing the game for any reason.

I wish tomorrow were yesterday again.

Wish will be granted, but it will take 2 days. Sorry for the wait!

I wish I were good enough at arcade Donkey Kong to beat level 22.

(Here's a couple videos showing that level, which is too hard even for TASBot, in action:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWOArXjkYFw (stretched, unfortunately)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmkhXdSC62w (has the opposite problem))

Wish granted, but only for the Game & Watch version. Unfortunately, these machines are really hard to find nowadays, so I'm afraid your skills will be useless.

I wish I had enough perseverance to fulfill all my unfinished projects.

Granted, but you finish your projects by changing the goal to match their current state, rather than the other way around. (In other words, you declare them finished without actually doing any more work.)

I wish for a Bhaalspwan-free version of the Baldur's Gate series, as I think the game would be better if it didn't have any Bhaalspawn. (Note that the next post could easily contain spoilers for said series.)

Wish granted. Final boss in Throne of Bhaal though, now is the somehow resurrected Lord of Murder Himself!

I wish to finally meet a kind human.

Granted. You meet her and immediately fall in love with her. The kind of love that will last your entire life. Unfortunately she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, since you aren't as kind as her. So she kindly informs you that you should look for someone else.

I wish for a way to make zero point energy usable.

Granted: The island rises from the sea and is now floating in the air! Unfortunately, at times the island blocks the sun, and as a result the earth's temperature plummets, causing major climate change and tons of disruptions.

I wish that tachyons (particles moving faster than light) existed and could be used to send messages back in time.

granted, but this causes a butterfly effect, and all of history is forever changed

I wish it would be warmer than -60 and that all the snow would melt

With granted, but you have to eat ice-cream.

I wish for positive changes in my life.