Granted. You will look almost exactly like your avatar in gog. In addition you will be immortal and invicible for so long as you do not look at your avatar ever again. The second you look at your avatar, you will lose that ability forever and die of accelerated aging for the amount of time you didn't look at it. Plus all your competitors selling Mighty Putty will now back stab you for your boss like antics. :p

I wish the planet getting taken over by apes was a trending thing right now!

Edit: lol I was ninja'd oh well. Ignore what I said or go with it your call lol.

Edit 2: Found a funny article related to my wish: http://www.reuters.com/article/2014/12/04/uk-lawsuit-chimpanzee-idUSKCN0JI20X20141204

Granted. You automatically now hear all insects within 100 meter range thinking. Since there are so many little insects everywhere you don't have a moment of silence any more and get crazy.

I wish to know what is best for me.

Granted. What's best for you is to not know what is best for you. Whoops.

I wish hover boards (like from Back to the Future 2) were real, energy efficient, affordable, safe, easy to buy, and legal.

Success! You invent a vine that feeds on all the cigarette soot left behind in people's lungs. Unfortunately it creeps everyone the hell out, and you die both broke and broken-hearted.

I wish it hadn't rained today.

Granted. It did not rain today. The rain you experienced was a simulation. You have been in a coma for the past 14 years. Everything you have experienced has been a simulation. In fact, while you've been asleep, the human race has wiped itself out in a nuclear war, miraculaously leaving you alive and your simulation pod working. It did not rain today. Nor will it ever rain ever again...

I wish I was cool.

Ahh!! 8D
Brilliant! Absolutely amazing. Granted, however the reason that they have become suddenly available is because of the effects of a top-secret government time-travel project that has gone awry and caused the Earth's northern hemisphere to experience time at a much faster rate than the Southern hemisphere. Months begin to pass in fractions of what the southern half of the world experiences as a second.
The increasingly distorted curvature of space-time results in all sorts of crazy and cataclysmic effects that would've been best described by Randall Munroe...if he hadn't unfortunately died of old age a few "minutes" ago. Also the weather gets really weird...before the strain on space-time causes a tear, and all of the inner solar system gets swallowed up into another dimension, where an alien version of the movie Back to the Future was only a cult-classic and never got a sequel.

Granted, but this is b/c you were suddenly, inexplicably teleported to the Amundsen-Scott Antarctic research center when the above situation occurred. The communications cut out when the satellites' orbits faltered in the first second, of course, so neither you nor anyone else had any idea what was going on.

EDIT: I knew I had taken to long drafting this silly thing. But misteryo's is very good, I can't decide which one I like better. Anyway.
Granted.

You are cool;
not too warm, not too chilly, the weather is idyllic.
You are relaxing in a comfortable chair outside, just past the crest of a grassy bluff.
In fact, you are so calm and untroubled that you drift off to sleep.

...Unfortunately you are also reclining in the exact spot where an enormous 5km-wide meteor is about to land.

(but don't worry; since it is travelling through the atmosphere at tens of thousands of meters per second, you won't hear anything to wake you up.
In fact, you will go from "cool" to "vaporized sub-atomic particles" so fast you won't even notice the change in temperature. Probably.)

I wish that teleportation was real, safe, and widely available.

Granted. Crime syndicates are the first to use it effectively, regularly breaking into houses and stealing your stuff and psychopaths and religious fanatics found now a way to go on killing sprees and disappear immediately afterwards.
The police is helpless so people try to help themselves which leads to anarchy and chaos.


I wish I could call an invisible superhero from another dimension to do the stuff I want to be done and disappear afterwards until I call him again.

Granted, you now have the ability to call upon the incredible Invisible Klutz. He does whatever you want, but is so clumsy he usually messes things up more than he actually helps you. You soon lose you ability to send him back to his own dimension as the people from his dimension do not what him around and cut off all access the Invisible Klutz has to their dimension. The end result is that you are stuck with the most useless, invisible super hero ever living with you.

I wish I could cook perfect cookies.

That's an easy one. From this moment on, you bake only the absolute perfect cookies, so perfect in fact, that no one dares to eat them and just stares at them for all eternity. Including you. So, while you've become the master chef of perfect cookies, you'll never taste one again in your life. And neither will any loved ones of yours.


I wish life would be simpler.

Granted, as the wiseman says, life is simple when dead.

I wish to be strong and capable enough to handle everything life throws at me

I've no idea why you'd want those but granted. Now go find some boars.

I wish I was trained as a Mentat from Frank Herbert's Dune.

Granted, unfortunately a freak accident during your training wipes your personality and survival instincts. The upside of this is your new skills as a mentat are so spectacular that if you had a screen, you could simulate Watchdogs at 60fps. The downside is you are otherwise a vegetable.

I wish I had some boars.

I think you miss out the capable part of my wish.

I thought the corruption of my wish is something in the lines of
"Granted, you are strong and capable enough to handle everything life throws at you, but not strong and capable enough to handle what death throws at you."

Now to infuse your senario with capable give me a weired vision of Lost your job? No problem build your own buisness and be the boss. Family murdered? Brushing it off as it is nothing and create a harem to have even more family members. Framed for a series of crimes and thrown in jail forever? ha! Do you even trauma, life? Jail Break and actually commit crimes you are jail for. Be a crime lord and take over the goverment and then the world!!! Ha you are not so weak and incapable that you will meekly stay in jail for crimes you never commit, you will actively commmit them and more to make your stay in jail worth it!!!

u mad bro? I corrupted your wish, you're not *supposed* to be happy with it :D