Granted, but you become trapped in that reality until someone from the outside finds a way to free you...

I wish to be able to get a weapon-owning-license quickly and easily, in order to import an authentic, handmade, katana from Japan (as a luxury gift to myself, am a collector of many things, and i need to train in ukemis with weapon drawn, i got my green belt already).

Granted;
You are informed in a letter that your license is on hold for some reason, so you call in a favor. The next day you receive word from not only the licensing authority, but also a nervous-sounding man with an impenetrable Asian accent. You aren't exactly sure everything he says to you, but you do figure out that he is trying to sell a katana with a famous history. You immediately wire him the money, but what you didn't understand from him is that the "famous history" is that it's actually the prized heirloom of an influential Yakuza family.

Late one evening, several days later, you are at your dojo with your colleagues when a dark figure appears at the door. As you approach to open it, a thickly-accented voice growls, "special delivery," and you hear the soft sound of metal sliding against wood...
It is the last thing that you hear.

The newspapers report that the police are still investigating the mysterious and sudden fire that engulfed a small martial arts studio the previous day.

I wish someone would attack me with a banana, or perhaps some other kind of fresh fruit, so I could show off my incredible self-defense skills.

Granted.
Sadly for you, you didn’t notice the tiger approaching silently behind you…

I wish days were 36 hours long, so I would have the time to code *and* sleep in the same day…

Granted. But the attacker is Chuck Norris. Rest in Peace


Granted. But your free time per day isn't increased, so you have to work 12 hours more for the same salary.



I wish my teeth were perfectly healthy so I never have to brush them or visit the dentist again.

Aaaand vv221 with the ninja win. (Ha ha! Double entendre!)
Kmonster, your wish is granted,
but then Chuck Norris pulls the lever and the sixteen ton weight drops from the ceiling. At least you don't have to go to the dentist any more. In fact, because Mr. Norris was involved, your wish is so effective that the dentist now has to come see you! He's a little late, unfortunately. This distresses him so much that he announces, I've wired myself up to two hundred tons of gelignite...! Now that we've established that,

I wish I could see Chuck Norris go up against that buff guy from the Old Spice commercials.

Granted. It's in the blooper reel. All half-second of it. (Which is, btw, why those commercials aren't around anymore. :p)

I wish I could become a Super Saiyan.

Granted, but when testing your new powers you accidentally destroy your home and all the possessions you own.

I wish I had a pizza with a lot of meat toppings.

Granted. The pizzeria makes you an extra large pizza with extra cheese, and all the meats that they have. The problem is, the extra toppings made the pizza too big to fit in the box, so they deliver it to you unboxed. When you get the pizza, it's soggy and wet, because it was delivered in the rain.

I wish I could be a professional Linux user instead of an amateur.

Granted, but all you own is a Mac.

I wish I had more money to spend on Christmas gifts.

Granted but you have to wear it to work every day for the rest of this decade

I wish for my own high tech spacecraft

You get it, but in the form of a microchip, able to make you trance into a virtual reality.

I wish for santa claus, to bring me a fresh russian girl, dressed in a kinky red santa claus outfit, this christmas...

Congrats! The Russian girl has arrived, all dressed up in her kinky Santa Claus outfit. She also has crooked and rotten teeth, esotropia, and bowed legs. But she's got a heart of gold and will stay with you for ever.


I wish my headache would go away already.

Granted. You forget your headache because you broke your arm.

I wish I didn't have man boobs.

Granted, You don't have man boobs because they grow even bigger to become woman boobs.

I wish I can fly.