Granted! Such a shame they're all miniatures.

I wish I had a robot butler.

Granted. You manage to patent an even more broken and corrupt system of patents, allowing you total control over content.

I wish for the USA to be 100% corruption free.

Granted. But it'll happen on your death bed.

I wish I could dual wield comedic cream pies

... with my feet.

Y'know what? I'm not even gonna try to corrupt that wish. Granted, as is, no modifications.

I wish I had a chocolate taco.

Granted. But it has pure 100% cacao.

I wish for all the games in the GOG catalog.

Granted. Until further notice, the GOG catalog consists of fan-made clones of "ET" from Atari 2600.
I wish I was Batman.

Skadoosh. You are Vengence. You are the night. You are Batman.

Unfortunately Superman wants to talk to you about finding your bat-underooos under Lois's bed. He is not inclined to believe that The Joker did it. And you are out of Kryptonite.

I wish the New 52 would just die already.

Granted. Now prepare yourself for 525,150,494,847,464,543,424,140 new origin stories.

I wish that the above never happens, ever.

Granted. Marvel and DC go bankrupt and collapse overnight.

I wish that I could catch PBS around here. (The valley makes it basically impossible)

Granted. You are strapped to a chair, have your eyes taped open, and are forced to watch PBS for the rest of your life.

I wish to be alive and happy for eternity.

Out of Order! Chaos! Panic in the Potions Class!

You have no idea how much I wish this was true.

...And there is chaos and panic in the Potions Class, because that Luck Potion you thought you made, and immediately drank, was really an Instant Death Tonic.

I wish I could fly with a cape, like the one Mario wears.

Granted, it is like the one Mario wears, except Wario had made it and it's full of holes.

I wish another Wario Microgames Inc. is made.

Granted, except Mario makes it and it plays like a faster Mario Party 9.

I wish I could fly with a Super Leaf!