You have it. Mixed together. And it's the only liquid available to drink to you for the rest of your life.

I wish to be able to take mental control of other people, no matter where they are.

Granted but it involves the administration of an experimental drug which is highly classified. A side effect of this drug is a "Scanners" like head explosion.

I wish "Lifthrasil"s ^^ brains don't make too much of a bloody mess.

Granted there's not a single drop of blood, however everything is a super fine powder that sticks to everything.

I wish I could enter other people's dreams (Freddy isn't allowed in while I'm there)

Done! No one even plays soccer anymore; instead, competitive tiddlywinks overtakes it to become the most violent fan sport in history.

I wish I was good enough to play poker professionally.

Granted.

You are now a permanent member of the Male Only Morbidly Obese Ten Foot Deep Navel Smells Like Rotten Cottage Cheese Strip Poker Only Club.

...or MOMOTFDNSLRCCSPOC for short.

I wish I could get rich today and quit working tomorrow!!

Granted.

...April Fool's! :p

I wish there was an easier way to convert my old VHS tapes to digital.

Oh the names I'm calling you....

Count your blessings. Before I noticed the date, I was all set to, ah... witness an unfortunate accident. :p

Granted, you are able to convert your now classic 80's collection of VHS cartoons and movies into digital format, after doing the convertion you burn the tapes just to find that analog is back and watching digital stuff is so outdated, now you don't have a vhs or a beta to watch them, this drives you crazy and end deliting all of your digital stuff.

I wish for a nice, comfortable, cozy, couch to watch some tv.

Granted:

You now have a nice, comfortable, cozy, couch to watch some TV. However, due to a freak
Storm and the resulting power surge your TV Explodes and you can not afford to replace it.

I wish for another week of vacation.

Granted, you have another week of vacation in planet Zebulon-X23 where cannibal trolls long for human flesh, have a nice week.

I wish for a week of vacation in planet Amazonia and die by snu-snu.

Man, it's just too bad that on Planet Amazonia, snu-snu is actually a degenerative venereal disease. You have to ask yourself if the week of fun was worth the year of lingering pain.

I wish I had a kitten.

Congratulations, you're now the proud owner of a cute, cuddly kitten! ....At least, it seems that way until everybody falls asleep. Then it performs extremely heinous crimes, and manages to frame you. Successfully. Enjoy your life term in super-max prison!

I wish I had a million US dollars.

Granted, but only in an alcohol inducted dream which you can't repeat.

I wish for a nice cold drink.