Granted, but you remember that your mother hates this band. She throws the birthday cake in the trash can.
I wish to gain 1 million dollars per hour!

Granted, but the million dollars is in pennies, which are dropped on your head from a mile up. Good luck making it to hour 2.

I wish I could have some actual work ethic.

I wish someone else would post here

Granted but now all you do is work. You would've lost everything, your family, your house, your car, everything but that never happened. Why? Because you died before that could happen because you were backed up and couldn't even take a moment away from your work to go to the bathroom. (sorry for the nasty visual from this if you had one)

I wish I were a gorilla.

Granted, but you are now old and cranky, while the spotlight of youth has moved on to a upstart ape.

My wish is to have a giant mecha in my backyard.

Granted. But with none of the resources to even climb into it, much less a means of starting it, you have a giant statue that's driving down land values and slowly slinking into the ground.

I wish for a Myst Linking book. I couldn't think of a better wish, sorry.

Granted, but it is poorly balanced and falls over, crushing you and your house.

I wish I could become invisible at will.

Granted but because you are still backed up from your previous wish, when you turn invisible, your intestines tend to empty at that same time as a side effect and always make a disgusting, smelly mess around you so people know you're around even if they can't see you.

I wish I didn't grant such gross, disgusting wishes to people :).

Granted, you ran out of ideas and never again grant or with anything else. You are so depressed now that can only eat icream while watching girls and longing for lena dunham.

I wish to be a bad ass like lex luthor.

Granted, you are as bad-ass as Jesse Eisenberg

I wish I lived in the Hitman universe, where all you need is a different outfit to change your identity.

Granted, you now live in the Hitman universe, too bad that you are a poor NPC waiting to be killed by Agent 47.

I wish to know what game to play without getting bored in 5 minutes.

Granted. Your new game is so great that it consumes all of your attention and you forget to eat or drink and pass out from dehydration. Hopefully someone finds you before you die.

I wish for an immortal flying fish that breaths fire and protects me from jerks and stupid people.

Granted, but the fish goes insane, Futurama Santa-bot style, and assumes that everyone, including you, is either a jerk or stupid, therefore wiping out the human race.

I wish I had 17 highly toned arms.

You now have a collection of 17 arms, all in the tone of gunmetal black. However, you probably should've wished for gun permits to go along with them; have fun in prison for the next ten years.

I wish Harry Potter-style magic wands were real.