Granted, but you aren't able to dream anymore.

I wish to have the best gaming computer in the world.

Granted, you get the most advanced computer but its from the 80s and a digital watch is now more powerful.

I wish i had more money with no down sides.

Easily granted! All your extra money is printed on the up sides, but the down sides are all blank.

I wish I'd bowled better this morning.

Granted, you have gonne better with the bowl and now have the right to appear in ashes cricket 2013, enjoy your fame.

I wish to have enough the power to speak with the dead from other dimensions to get knowledge and power.

Of course. Your conversation was going so well with the Old Ones, why did you suddenly start foaming at the mouth?

I wish the US Justice system would adopt a system like that seen in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney.

Objection!

I wish that snow had no effect on my ability to earn a living.

Granted. You are now a wandering (and not very sucessful) merchant in the Sahara.

I wish I could teleport at will.

Granted, now Polish bureaucracy is dominated by mexican politicians.

I wish someone gifts me I have no mouth and I must cream on GOG.

Granted, someone creampie's your ass as you didn't have a mouth to scream with.

I wish Dragon commander goes 80% off so I can buy it without worrying about my bank account at this "festive time"

Granted, but your graphic card and harddisk fails.

i wish I pass all my exams this semester.

Granted, however the school/college/university closes down before they are able to send your papers to be officially marked leaving you and me the only 2 people aware of your intelligence.

I wish I had a never emptying bottle of Zacapa (that stuff is fucking lovely, just expensive)

Granted, but the bottle is stolen before you can even take a sip out of it.

I wish I could forget all about Lord of the Rings so I can re-read it, and feel amazed again.

Done! How's that Alzheimer's working out for you?

I wish I hadn't eaten so much at my nephew's birthday party this afternoon.

.

.

(Oh and by the way, how's that Alzheimer's working out for you?)

Done, now you don't have a nephew and therefore you couldn't have eaten too much.

I wish for a stopwatch that stops time.