I think he meant he won the drum off??

Aye.

Granted, he suddenly dies and you throw him at the resurrection machine. Unfortunately you press the wrong button, and the machine explodes, killing you.

I wish to have blue text.

Granted, but all your posts are now on blue background.

I wish for a horn of plenty.

Granted, but it turns out it's only due to a grease monkey script and only you can see it.

I wish I could perfectly maintain whatever level of drunkenness I wished to experience at the moment without any kind of negative repercussions.

granted, but you are doomed to live on Deep Space 9.

I wish I would lose some kilos.

Granted. You will be beheaded by an axe-wielding murderer.

I wish David Bowie would release a new album.

Granted, but it's released on Columbia Records, which is owned by Sony, so you if you want to play the CD on your computer you have to boot the Sony DRM OS from the CD - an OS that will only run Sony's own Media Player. You will of course have to be connected to the internet while listening to Bowie, and you'll need a special DRM soundcard (from Sony) as well as a pair of the special Sony headphones to go with it (you can't play it on loud speakers unless you have a written consent from Sony, which you will only get if you can prove that everyone else within hearing distance have also bought the same CD, as well as being willing to pay a recurring fee to Sony. Deaf people count as able to hear if they can see any hearing people enjoying the music). Oh, and you need to contact Sony to get a new license key after listening to it three times.

I wish my creativity and imagination could be used for more benevolent matters.

Granted, they can now, but you still have to find out all by yourself what these benevolent matters are.

I wish I knew what to wish for ...

Granted, but you can only wish for things that disgust yourself.
I wish I had my dream job :P

granted but you can't have a family.

I wish GOG would release any games that I wish.

Granted, but they have DRM, cost 60 bucks and won't work on your computer.

I wish GOG would send me DRM-free pizza.

Granted, but now your dream job is outlawed and you are a fugitive and must constantly runs away from the law.

I wish I can sing with awesome voice.
Geh Ninja'd, oh well.

Granted, but it doesn't have any cheese, at all.

I wish I can invent steampunk machines.

Granted, but everything you make is too hazardious for any human to be closer to than eight miles. You try using trained monkeys, but after a while they simply turn to stone or start eating the machines. By the time you realize you could've used remotely controlled robots, you're flat out broke and have to play the accordion on the street to get enough money to feed yourself and the remaining untrained monkeys.

I wish rubber ducks were more widely accepted in public pools.