Granted, but it turns out that the bite would have turned you into batman after all, it simply would have taken another few days.

I wish everyone had to call me "master".

Granted, but they call you "Master Snape" to make fun of your avatar's appearance.

I wish I had a Marauder's Map of my city.

Granted, but for some inexplicable reason, everyone's decided to change their name to Janis Joplin.

I wish the lawn didn't grow the most when it's too wet to mow it.

Granted. While the lawn still grows just as much when it is wet, it now grows with incredibly accelerated speed when it is dry, soon suppressing every other life form on the planet.

I wish the world were my oyster.

Granted, but now Galactus put it on the menu of his fancy new restaurant chain.

I wish it was Tuesday already.

Granted, but the world ends on Wednesday.

I wish to be the happiest person in the universe.

Granted. Now everyone but you dies :(

I wish Maria Callas were still alive.

Granted. But she has lost her voice forever.

I wish GOG launch an old goodie every day

I'm afraid you've just ruined the game... I wouldn't dare to corrupt this wish ;)

Granted, but they'll launch it with a rocket and shoot all masters to the moon, just to spite the community. This new scheme will also accelerate the Global Warming, btw.

I wish I didn't have these evil thoughts.

But surely there is a blasphemer and heretic in the entire forum at least? :)

EDIT: There is one!

Granted, but you become the most boring person in the planet.

I wish inmortal life and youth!

Granted, but your private jet crash on a desert island.

I still wish eternal life & youth.

Granted, but now it's teenage angst for all eternity.

I wish for something positively surprising.

Granted, your head will explode for no apparent reason.
I wish to be fluent in all languages, known and unknown to man.