Voila, they arrive today! Of course, now you have to file the paperwork on a damaged/defective shipment, and wait at least another month to have it resolved.

I wish for a gallon of rocky road ice cream.

Granted.

However, the rocks and gravel in the ice cream chip your teeth so badly you can never eat anything cold again. The nearest dentist is three million light years away.

I wish I had a big screen television.

Granted, but the Mac versions must be run through a DRM client called "iGOG" that requires an active internet connection to Apple's servers.

I wish I had a professional chef who followed me everywhere and made me fresh, organic, classy meals daily.

iGoG.....

Har!!!! Too funny

Done! Said professional chef even follows you into the bathroom. Suddenly, you don't want to know where your fresh organic meals come from anymore. *oop*

I wish I had the ability to control time.

Done! Too bad someone used the SimVac in you and stole your skill point in time control. :(
I wish to wish something.

Granted, now you wish something with all your strength (you can barely think of anything else). Unfortunately, you can never fulfill that wish and feel haunted by it the rest of your life...

I wish the current world economic crisis to end at once.

BOOOOM! No more world, no more crisis.


I want to be alive, healthy and pain-free, regardless of external circumstances.

Granted, I hope you'll enjoy your stay in prison (life imprisonment)...

I wish for an orange juice.

Enjoy your blended juice made from triple sec oil, bitter orange pith and unwashed carrot peelings. It's technically an orange juice, but I don't think anyone's likely to claim that it tastes very good.

I wish I were in the land of cotton.

Granted, but, the travel agent was unable to find that land, hence a shrinking machine was used on you and you were put on a piece of cloth made of cotton.

I wish the aliens invaded Earth and used humans for various experiments.

Granted! Naturally, those experiments include... recipes.

I wish I had six-pack abs.

Granted.

However all those sit-ups and crunches have squeezed your head into a sort of lima bean shaped monstrosity.

I wish Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Love-Hewitt and Jennifer Lawrence would come to my house and make a sloe Three Jenn Fizz.

Granted, but you'll be away from home at the time. And you know how celebrities are. They don't believe that anything is fun if no substantial property damage. So when you come back, dodging the fire trucks, not much left of your house.