deepdig: *snip*
I feel an urge to be bad to people online. Although i've met wonderful people online and i still talk to them and gift them games whenever they want (and whenever i have money). They do the same to me.
I'm not a bad person in real life.
I feel the urge to let all my inner rage out "justifiably"(in my mind) and beat people to a pulp. I long to let that violence out on another.
I want to scream and roar and yell "LIFE ISN'T FUCKING FAIR!" Life keeps trying to teach me that is exactly the point; life isn't fair and that my anger within is a self defence mechanism as a result of that perceived unfairness. Regardless of that lesson continually being on offer, I still haven't learned it. I still rage. I still hurt. I still want to hurt others.
So how does that relate to you? I too try to tell myself that "I'm not a bad person in real life" but I know I can be, have been and most likely will carry that inner demon(anger) to the grave with me. I try my best to be aware of my behaviour and actions and affect on others. Why? Because it feels like shit when another being intentionally hurts another. And yet humans do it daily to each other through their words and actions. The cycle continues.
By all means continue to be the you that you are, and keep telling yourself the story you do in your head to justify your actions. I know that nothing said by anyone here will make any difference to you, as you don't see people as people. Life teaches through loss. When you hit that moment and are alone in that loss, reflect and learn if you can.
If not, hopefully someone like me bumps into someone like you in the wrong place at the right time :)