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General discussionHow do I open up to my parents?(41 posts)(41 posts)
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Posted April 05, 2017
That's bad and I feel for you, but at least you're still young. You may not become super-successful in life (but most people don't), but there's still a good chance you might turn things around. So don't give up.
Obviously you need professional help for your mental health issues and maybe also professional advice for your career prospects so don't be hesitant to reach out for help.
Posted April 06, 2017
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Klumpen0815: Oh you people and your measure of "success"...
Success is a happy life and not being burned out with 50.

And why are you comparing yourself to your father and grandfather? What about your mother and grandmother?
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sauvignon1: Mother is a highly qualified and effective elementary school teacher. Going back to the military, parents of school kids have asked if she's served because she's so good at getting kids in line. I lack any of the drive and creativity my parents have.
Do you expect people with the flu to have 'drive and creativity'? How about people with broken limbs? No, right? You need medical treatment. That's all. It's not a personal failing. It's just an illness that needs treatment.

Part of which is definitely therapy. It's hard to open up, but things won't get better until you do. Think of it like lancing an infection so it can be treated properly.

If writing is easier, can you bring a letter to your therapy sessions? Is your therapist open to texting? They can be pretty flexible.
Posted April 06, 2017
You never know what the future holds, no matter how grim it looks. You may also need to look for different help if your current therapist isn't doing it for you. It is more than likely that they are the issue or their method.

I don't know how similar depression is to bipolar disorder, but one thing that helped me in the past was to think of negative thoughts as an... outside force... an enemy attacking my thoughts. If nothing else this helped me get through literal years of darkness to find happiness in life.
Posted April 07, 2017
Hang on in there. Don't think of all the interminable "future" ahead of you. Just think about making it through the day, or night. Or if you can't manage that, the next hour etc.
That's how I'm making it through right now. If not hour by hour, minute by minute. Celebrate every new day as a victory against that "damn dog" that's sitting on your chest and suffocating you.
Do at least one thing you enjoy every day. (Unless, as 227 said, it's keeping severed heads in a freezer. Because, then.... Dude...)
The feelings you talk about are the depression's Negative Bias in play. Everything looks bad when you're depressed. Even internet kittehz look bad. Recognise that is what it is, and keep this thought firmly front and centre.

You are not in your right mind.

Like you don't drive when you're drunk, don't make life-changing or ending decisions when you're depressed. Your reasoning faculties are out of whack because everything looks bleak, even when they aren't.

Get help. From your family - with your family history, this is probably one of your family's worst nightmares. Let them in and try to help you. They want you to trouble them, because they would prefer you to be around to be "trouble".

Get help professionally. If someone isn't working out for you, try someone else, if you can. Try explaining this. Doctors are also people, as are psychiatric professionals. They should recognise one therapy does not fit all. And at the end of the day, asking for help may stop you from feeling this bad.

That hope is something I repeat to myself everyday. Because if I can make it through this day, tomorrow might be okay, or at least better than today.

Resume - Dorothy Parker

Or I could always kill myself tomorrow. Every day is today though, and tomorrow is another day... (Yes, I know... trite, but in this case, apt.)
Celebrate today.
Post edited April 07, 2017 by Getcomposted
Posted April 11, 2017
Update: Spent a few days in the psych ward (voluntary admission at least), got prescribed some new medication, and feel a lot better.
Posted April 11, 2017
Good to hear you're feeling better. Two of the most important things for success with mental illness are having a good support network, and using it when you need it. You should still consider talking to your family if you haven't already.
Posted April 11, 2017
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bevinator: Good to hear you're feeling better. Two of the most important things for success with mental illness are having a good support network, and using it when you need it. You should still consider talking to your family if you haven't already.
I texted them Wednesday and they drove up unannounced the next day. After talking to the university counseling center and a psychiatrist at the wellness center, it was decided the whole hospital thing was the best course of action.
Posted April 11, 2017
There's a lot of great advice here. I would like to add that drinking alcohol is likely having a negative impact on your overall brain chemistry and it might be good to try and not drink alcohol at all ever. I would recommend smoking weed, it can help tremendously. I also am not much of a proponent of prescription drugs fixing / helping deal with such issues long-term, and there are a lot of natural herbs that can do better with no negative side-effects. Here are some herbs that I recommend (you can get them in capsule form or extracts - they are seriously amazing - oregonswildharevest.com for the most potent!!!): chamomile, passionflower, holy basil, oats (milky tops), lemon balm, skullcap, and ashwaganda. Look these things up and look at what they do, most of them can even be taken in conjunction with prescription drugs without negative side-effects. I honestly would have never thought these things were as helpful as they actually are without first hand experience, they can be amazingly helpful.

meditation is wonderful ++++++

there is also a lot of reading material that I think helps, from Tibetan Buddhism and Zen stuff, to more new-agey stuff like Teal Swann and Eckhart Tolle. A summary of things from all of this is "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative", it's the avenue of discovering how to do that to focus on.

feel free to PM me any time to talk or vent or whatever else, I have a good amount of familiarity with bi-polar, manic-depression, PTSD, etc.

as far as your schooling goes, it is seriously not for everyone and you shouldn't feel like you HAVE to do it because 'that's what people do' - there are many avenues of life to be had that are fulfilling and contributive that do not come from standard college, but also discovering your passion is PART of college, and the pressure to "know your major and stick to it" can be very oppressive, if a current major is not for you, don't force yourself to stick to it, it is just not worth it, no matter the debt. As far as "ending up a dissapointment" - screw all that, seriously, fulfill yourself, find contentment and passion in yourself, and forget everyone else if they don't support you finding yourself.
Post edited April 11, 2017 by drealmer7
Posted April 11, 2017
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drealmer7: There's a lot of great advice here. I would like to add that drinking alcohol is likely having a negative impact on your overall brain chemistry and it might be good to try and not drink alcohol at all ever. I would recommend smoking weed, it can help tremendously. I also am not much of a proponent of prescription drugs fixing / helping deal with such issues long-term, and there are a lot of natural herbs that can do better with no negative side-effects. Here are some herbs that I recommend (you can get them in capsule form or extracts - they are seriously amazing - oregonswildharevest.com for the most potent!!!): chamomile, passionflower, holy basil, oats (milky tops), lemon balm, skullcap, and ashwaganda. Look these things up and look at what they do, most of them can even be taken in conjunction with prescription drugs without negative side-effects. I honestly would have never thought these things were as helpful as they actually are without first hand experience, they can be amazingly helpful.

meditation is wonderful ++++++

there is also a lot of reading material that I think helps, from Tibetan Buddhism and Zen stuff, to more new-agey stuff like Teal Swann and Eckhart Tolle. A summary of things from all of this is "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative", it's the avenue of discovering how to do that to focus on.

feel free to PM me any time to talk or vent or whatever else, I have a good amount of familiarity with bi-polar, manic-depression, PTSD, etc.

as far as your schooling goes, it is seriously not for everyone and you shouldn't feel like you HAVE to do it because 'that's what people do' - there are many avenues of life to be had that are fulfilling and contributive that do not come from standard college, but also discovering your passion is PART of college, and the pressure to "know your major and stick to it" can be very oppressive, if a current major is not for you, don't force yourself to stick to it, it is just not worth it, no matter the debt. As far as "ending up a dissapointment" - screw all that, seriously, fulfill yourself, find contentment and passion in yourself, and forget everyone else if they don't support you finding yourself.
I also think removing the sources of pressure and at the same time trying to learn some stress resistance up to a naturally possible level as well as removing oneself from things, people and places that don't go well with one's psyche is the way to go rather than another societal dependence like prescription drugs that have several side effects.
I'm not a fan of weed at all but the American stance towards it compared to much worse chemical stuff is really weird from a European's perspective.
Posted April 11, 2017
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sauvignon1: I texted them Wednesday and they drove up unannounced the next day. After talking to the university counseling center and a psychiatrist at the wellness center, it was decided the whole hospital thing was the best course of action.
That's so good to hear! I'm glad you're feeling better. :)

May I recommend chilling out for 11 minutes in the wonderful company of actor John Dunsworth?:
'GET A HOBBY: work with ROCKS and CEMENT like JOHN DUNSWORTH'

Trust me, it's worth your time. :)

3 years later:
'Hanging out with John Dunsworth May 2016'
Posted April 11, 2017
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sauvignon1: I'm just overall burned out and know I'm a failure. In other words, I know I'll end up a disappointment if I'm not dead before that sets in.
I'll never understand why people set themselves up for failure by not being able to accept failure, then becoming afraid of finding success. The "I'm afraid I'll fail and don't want to disappoint people" logic. It's really more of a self projection than an actual thing. Family and friends are never disappointed in us until we give up. As long as you try your best then you can get ideas like that out of your mind. It's just extra baggage.
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sauvignon1: Also part of me hates my dad's side of the family for cursing me with this. There's my great aunt, his mother (undiagnosed though), and then my dad told me when I was diagnosed that he's had to deal with suicidal thoughts.
Regret is usually seen as a negative thing since it leads to a negative image, disappointment, self-loathing, etc. However, I like to see it as a positive. It means you cared and that something was meaningful to you. That is the beauty of life.

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sauvignon1: Update: feel a lot better.
Awesome! Keep at it. ^^
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Community
General discussionHow do I open up to my parents?(41 posts)(41 posts)
(41 posts)