Gosh, this is worse than I thought.
What's up with all this military stuff in your life?

Unsupportive parents and screwed up life.
Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well.
I am dealing with something similar but instead of encouraging suicidal thoughts I take it as challenge.
I don't compare myself with others (I have my parents, relatives and neighbours for that).
I have a dream and I am trying to give it my best.
May be I won't succeed in it due to financial barrier but it will definitely be one hell of a ride.

I was like that.
Even cleared the entrance exams.
But found out I am not qualified because I am 2 inch short of their required minimum height.
Can't complain about it anymore. :P

Two years Air Force ROTC plus growing up in a town (Panama City, FL) that didn't really give you too many options. I was a favorite among my ROTC group. Good personality, always on time and dedicated, made people laugh, one of the captains loved me, I was creative, etc. Turns out that all means jack shit when you get to field training and end up suicidally depressed after four days. Part of me hates the captain over our flight for asking if I was suicidal, since it got me out, but at the same time that day was spent the shooting range and I might have put a bullet though my head otherwise.

At this point I'm just going through through through the motion at university. Originally I was just getting an international relations degree because you need a degree to become an officer, but now that option has been taken away from me. So I switched to economics because I enjoy the subject, but the math seems like it'll eventually get too much for me.

Woa, I'm sorry that you feel so sad :(

First thing first: a random forum isn't the ideal place to ask about serious matters.
A professional psychologist\psychiatrist is mandatory.
If you're sure that your therapist isn't helping at all, maybe you should try to change it.

That said, my layman thought is:
you seem to care too much about your parents' (supposed) opinion about you.
Why do you feel that self-hurting\suicide is easier than speaking openly with them?
Do you fear that they wouldn't understand or are you afraid of their judgement?

You should also stop trying to compare yourself to your family.
They were lucky and found their way.
You should accept what you can do, and don't care about "disappointing" someone else.
And about the economics major, you should think it's really not for you, or if you're just temporarly demoralized by the difficulty and your situation.

As others have mentioned, a gaming forum might not be the best place for this, however: That's a problem right there. You need a psychiatrist. And twice a year is not even near often enough.

If you can, don't wait till May. See if you can find one right now.

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/psychologist-or-psychiatrist-which-for-you#2 Honestly, if you are bipolar, then a psychologist should not be used as a substitute for a good psychiatrist. Especially if you said the therapy is not working.

this is blasphemy... THIS IS MADNESS! :V

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PB5rbM7WXfk

I want you to listen very carefully. You aren't worthless, and you aren't a disappointment to anyone.

I have Asperger's Syndrome, Social Anxiety and Chronic Depression. I'm all too familiar with feeling helpless and burned out. All my life I've struggled with these three symptoms. Never compare yourself to others because there isn't a single person alive today that doesn't have problems. Life isn't a race and by no means are you coming in last place.

There have been times when I thought about giving up, just letting the world move on without me. At 22 years old I'm still prone to these thoughts. If it wasn't for my family I would have nothing. I've completed school, and a diploma of professional writing. Had it not been for my mum, who encouraged me at all times to follow my passion and never doubt myself, I would have most likely ended up in prison by now.

Honesty is the most important thing. Friends come and go through the years, some stay and some don't, but the most important people in your life will always be your family. The people you can lean on for advice, for shelter and maybe even hope, will always be with you. If you aren't happy with what you are doing or which direction you're taking, I'd say that the best thing you could do is to talk to your parents straight away.

I'm sure you have a passion in something, and I'd like to you look for a course or job that's built around this passion in some way. I remember the career ladies at school always asking in our final year, "what we want to do next", and most of us couldn't give a straight answer simply because we had no clue.

Be as honest as you possibly can with your parents. Take a deep breath and have a chat with them about a plan, maybe over a cup of tea/coffee? ^^

Right now I'm preparing to sign up for a bachelor in media communication, which will be easy because of my history with screenwriting which I learned during my time studying for my writing diploma. You can branch off into many different pathways. I can convert my interest in writing into a fairly well paying job.

I want you to stand up with fire in your eyes. Look at the world with a straight face and say to yourself that you can achieve anything. Keep that thought in your mind at all times.

Remember, "perfect" and "permanent" are words that shouldn't exist. You have a lot to look forward to. I believe in you! Be strong!

Well, life is full of surprises. You might not become an air force general or whatever, but when life gives you lemons, you can make some cool batteries with that shit.

My parents were both self made mega successes and I'm a bum.

They still love me.

If that's the case, then surely you recognize that they care enough for you to be honest with them. If you aren't and things get out of hand, they'll wish you had been.

Also, comparing yourself to anyone else is futile. We all have different goals and different reasons for aiming for those goals, and more often than not I've found that people are just aimless worry machines really good at pretending to have everything under control. Kind of like you've been doing from the sound of it, n'est pas? You're still absurdly young, so just wait—there will be plenty of moments to come where someone has one bad thing happen and the facade of their enviable life comes crashing down.

As for the short term stuff, meditation is definitely good. Exercise is also a great mood booster, especially when it comes to cardio. Nothing strenuous; just enough to get into a rhythm and push yourself a little without making it a hassle you'll want to give up on. Longer term, you have plenty of time to figure things out, and there's no shame looking for help. Besides, we all carve out own purpose in life, so it's not like there are wrong answers.

Well, unless your purpose is to keep severed heads in a freezer, but that's a whole other thing.

As others have said: be honest with your family. And keep going for help. My brother suffered from the same illness and eventually committed suicide. We had no idea he wasn't doing well because he also didn't want to worry/bother us.We wish he had. Maybe it would have made a difference, maybe not. But I feel it would have been far better for us and for him to be open about what he was going through.

So, please, be open with your family. And keep trying to get help.

A few thoughts.

You're 22. You're an adult. It's your life. Not your parents' life. Opening up to them is good if it keeps your relationship with them good. But opening up to them is not the key to you doing better. So, relate to them in ways that keep your relationship with them doing weil. Treat them well, do things with them that you'll all enjoy (or at least that they will enjoy, if you can't enjoy anything). Say kind things to them. Express greatitude to them. But, if opening up to them about your illness or symptoms doesn't help you, don't do it.

If you don't want to end up a suicide by 30, start trying things. You have some habits that you use to "get through" bad times. But clearly these habits aren't helping you get better. So, you need to try new things. Drinking, cutting, enjoying dark entertainments... these aren't making you better. So do other things instead. You talk about your admiration of the military. Well, one thing the military knows is that doing difficult painful things is often the way to success. So, for example, you say that opening up to anyone is painful. Well, opening up to the right doctor or counselor or mentor is probably one of the keys to getting better. If it is painful to do, well, call upon your military desires to get you through the pain. And you may have to try several doctors or counselors until you find one whose advice you want to take. So, open up to a doc. Give it long enough to be a real chance. If it's not working, switch to a new doc. Rinsse and repeat until you succeed.

Try new habits that have a good chance of helping. Excercise. Again, call on your military side. Eat healthy. For me, eating healthy is the hardest thing of all. But I am on a new diet and have been 100% compliant for 3 weeks now. Difficult, yes. But I need this diet. I have horrible gut problems otherwise. Success is worth the pain.

Other habits you might try to develop:
Be out in the sun at least once a day for 30 minutes.
Bathe and dress every morning, even if nothing is going to happen that day.
Read a good book for 30 minutes every day.

The way to succeed is to try one thing at a time. If you are doing nothing at all healthy right now, try starting with being in the sun for 30 minutes. Just that.

It is your life. Doctors can't make you better unless you want to get better. Doctors are a resource for you. You are the one who needs to get better. Doctors can help, but it is you that has to get better, not them. You have to decide what kind of life you want and take steps - any steps - toward that life.

I do speak from experience. I was hospitalized and put on medication for a while when I was your age. I quit drinking. It took me another 15 years to quit smoking, but I did that too. I learned to relate better to people. I learned to make friends. Friends are the best defense against loneliness.

Anyway. Message me if you want to hear more. But it's up to you.

Cheers.

Call your father.

Say this sentence: "Dad, I'm in trouble and I need help."

Then everything else that comes out of your mouth is simple, direct, and the truth.

I'm a father, and if I hear that sentence, I'm immediately at attention and ready to take any burden I possibly can at any cost.

Go from there.