“OOOoooaoooooGHH! WHAT! THE! HELL!”
The entire faculty, in one moment of pandemonium and chaos, threw open their office doors at once and rushed into the central foyer. There they saw Dean Sloth, literally hopping up and down in fury. Furniture had been knocked over and papers were scattered everywhere – whether from the Dean’s rage or something else, no one was quite sure. The large splatters of blood on the floor, however, were quite hard to ignore and clearly weren’t from her.
“Whose blood is this? Anybody? Anybody? Body check!” The Dean began walking around the group, poking with her (for now) de-activated cattle prod. When nobody turned up with any grievous bodily injuries, she returned to her rant. “I worked all night, ALL NIGHT, to try and replace our two missing professors. Dr. Bezotce Hranávrhář may be available, but she’s currently engaged for months, and she’s the only one I could get a hold of in the middle of the night! And now somebody has gone and rudely spilled a gallon of blood on the floor! What are you people trying to do to me? Wait a minute… where’s Dr. Tublink?”
They searched the board room. They searched all their own offices. They searched the Dean’s office. They searched the break room. They searched the ceiling tiles.
“Uh, hey, why don’t we look in her office?” suggested trentonlf.
CSPVG slapped her forehead. “Of course, what a great idea!” she agreed.
Opening Dr. Tublink’s office door, they were horrified to find…
A strange man sitting at her desk, quite dead, with a strange metal rod jammed down his throat.
Dean Sloth strode forward, a look of grim but familiar gritty determination on her face, and pulled the rod from the man’s throat. After examining it, she turned and showed it to the horrified staff congregating outside the door. “Curling iron.” She tossed it onto the floor and began searching the office.
“Oh my god, it’s Dr. Tublink’s hair! She’s been scalped!” shouted Leonard03 in horror, pointing at a clump of hair on the desk.
The Dean picked it up, looked it over, and then showed it to the group as well. “Wig.”
“Oh thank God,” said Dessimu, “I actually thought it was a dead marmoset.”
agentcarr16 noisily vomited into the wastebasket.
The Dean kept going through the office. Periodically, she would hold something up. “Dress. Fake breasts. (flubbucket began giggling uncontrollably) Makeup kit. Hunting knife.” Finally, she reached into the dead man’s suitpocket, and retrieved his wallet. She flipped through it, pulled out a card, and her eyes grew wide. She handed the card to cristigale, who was nearest to her.
“Wow, is that a real name?” cristigale asked.
Krypsyn is dead. He was: Dr. Slashy McNastipants (NEUTRAL SERIAL KILLER)
“I’m afraid so,” began the Dean, “It appears Dr. Tublink was actually this psychopath in disguise. Look at what else I found in his wallet.”
She held up a what was clearly a faculty membership card, with Dr. McNastipants’ name on it, from the Organizational Management Gentlemen’s University of Science.
“I’ve heard of those guys – they’re the male supremacist business school across the state,” whispered Hunter65536 in awe.
“Me too. They believe a women’s role is in the kitchen,” added HypersomniacLive. “Dickheads.”
“It appears he intended to kill us all, one a time,” the Dean informed them. “Is that the end? Are we safe now?”
“Uh,” added Lifthrasil, “Maybe, but… I mean, who killed him?
“And whose blood is in the foyer?” asked dedoporno.
Everyone stared at each other. Eyes blazing, the Dean pointed back at the boardroom with her cattle prod, and dutifully, the remaining faculty slowly marched back in and sat down. Dean Sloth entered last, and locked the door behind her.
“It seems,” she began, “I forgot to lock your office doors behind you last night. A mistake I won’t make twice. Clearly, we still have work to do. One threat has been eliminated, but I highly doubt that was all.” Angrily, she pulled the corpse of Dr. Hellas out of her seat and dumped it onto the floor. Taking the newly-vacant chair, she pointed slowly at each remaining faculty member. “Get back to work. Find the evil imposters. Get going.”
It is now Day.
All votes have been reset, and you are now free to post. Have fun!
Post edited March 07, 2016 by yogsloth