Fortunately, I am here. :D

Unfortunately I wish I was here.

Fortunately, wherever you go, there you are.

Unfortunately, noir_7 lacks a location, so "wherever you go", when addressed to noir_7, refers to somethign that doesn't exist.

Unfortunately, as you were latched onto Mr e's peach=shaped buttocks, he let out a massive fart and combined with his daily bouts of diarrhea, covered you in crap.

Ha ha, Mr e gave you a brown shower.

Fortunately, that shower gave you some nice relief from the sweltering heat.

Unfortunately, the heat dehydrated you and you kept seeing mirages.

Fortunately, she had an afro that fashionably-protected her from said heat.

Unfortunately, she couldn't find her nice cool black dress.

Fortunately, she had a white dress as lighter colours are cooler as they reflect the heat.

Unfortunately, that made her already massive arse look even bigger as white is not slimming.

Apparently, black dresses are actually comfortable in hot weather because they provide shade for the body; I did not know this before today. (Or at least, that's what I hear.)

Apparently, in the Middle East many people wear black for this reason.

Not possible, darker colours absorb more heat.

Loose clothing is cool as that doesn't trap the heat in, but lighter colours are always cooler than dark.

Fortunately, I just double-checked that bit of information by looking at my testicles.

I'm currently wearing white undies and my testicles have congealed, so that means it really is true, light colours really are cooler.

Plus white looks better with a black backdrop of pubes and body hair.

Unfortunately, my white undies now have skid marks.

One of the skids looks like an airport runway, you can almost see the tarmac and tyre tread marks.