Unfortunately, it turns out that the "five" is really an acronym for "Five Infinite Varying Eternities".

Fortunately, it has just been "For Our Unbeknown Ruler, Don't Astray Yourself, Sir."

Unfortunately, nobody for whom "sir" is the proper address is around, so the acronym fails.

Unfortunately, it seems you are now the ruler of a place that is caught in the middle of a very bitter civil war.

Fortunately, the right wing dominates that war and promptly executes all traitor cancerous leftists!

Unfortunately, in doing so, they accidentally start a war with a left wing nation with a far bigger army.

Fortunately, a peace treaty is agreed upon.

Unfortunately, the peace treaty contains ambiguous language and can be interpreted in multiple contradictory ways.

Fortunately, no one left on Earth speaks Esperanto, therefore no one understands this stupid fucking treaty, so we might as well use it for campfire kindling.

Unfortunately, when the publisher of a book about the peace treaty was published, when publishing the nook version of the book, the publisher did a simple search and replace changing "kindle" to "nook". The original text could not be located, even after searching every kindle and cranny.

(Note that the quote above has been altered slightly.)

(Also, this word replacement actually has happened in real life.)

Fortunately, The Idea Got Lost In Translation so... Fresh Start!!

Unfortunately, an evil witch from the horizon has come for REDVWIN to ruin the fresh start.

Fortunately, the start has not passed its expiration date yet, and is still legally fresh.

Unfortunately, it seems somebody dislikes the kindle/nook joke I posted at the start of this page, therefore, as punishment for that post being "low rated", everyone else in this topic is to be burnt to death via nooking fire.

(By the way, why was that post downrepped anyway?)